it hasn't really been a meaningful xmas party this year.. things just weren't the same anymore.
during the days building up to xmas.. i was just so hyped up abt the party.. planning the stuff, buying the cd, ordering the log cake, doing the shopping. but it ain't gonna be what it used to be, people change.. this year will be the 4th xmas i spend with belle.. and also the first as a friend, i suppose this should be the last as well because i feel we're just pushing it. today is the day i find out that we just don't have any room for each other anymore.. all that is left to hold on to are memories.
i woke up slightly earlier today, i didn't sleep well because i was thinking of the party today. since it was half day, i decided to wear my contact lens. everyone was upbeat.. there wasn't much emails throughout the day, the only thing was the 2 booking forecasts i need to do. Kota Permai just left Port Said and Wan Hai 315 just left Singapore yesterday. The problem was needing to tally the combined figures cos individual TDR figures doesn't tally with the Sin combined ones. there was a discrepancy of like 10 teus or so, and it's for different equipment type. it just didn't make sense, if the individual tdr is correct, the combined figures should be the same as well. but whatever it is, nobody felt like working. there were santas giving away chocolates, my favourite was jayce's royce chocolates, though it ain't godiva, it's quite a lot to spend on normal colleagues.. it's real good stuff. the amount of things they bring to on xmas eve is amazing.. haha lucky i only needed to keep jamie's mini present inside my sling bag. i went to acl to pass jamie her present, and i got a "office scandal" card game from her. it's really interesting but she bought that for me cos the first time she saw it she thought of me!! that means to say i am a scandalous person?! the surprise of it all was receiving sherlyn's present, i didn't expect her to really get something for me, that's why i didn't get her anything, gosh. she got me chocolates and as expected.. Lindts! hah! i promised her i'll get something for her on boxing day, and really, it ain't too late. i went to bugis to buy her present since krystle was going to get presents as well. i thought i will be getting it tomorrow but thankfully i was able to do it immediately. i didn't have much time i needed to select something meaningful, so i just went round and round bugis searching for one.. the area to be covered ain't that big also loh! there were so many last minute shoppers today, especially from action city where the things were cheap and interesting. nicole and krystle were speed shoppers.. they got a whole lot of stuff from action city for their party tonight. krystle accompanied me to choose sherlyn's present.. i was combing and combing.. finally i bought a night light.. or isit night lamp? hahah i don't know but it's really nice, it's an angel and can burn essential oil one. the only problem is.. i don't know if she'll like the smell! i'm gonna give it to her tomorrow, hope she likes it though.
actually my plan was to buy yong tau foo straight after work. but somehow the plan got delayed with our dim sum lunch and shopping. i ended up leaving bugis at around 1730, i was seriously late for the dinner. i wonder if there will still be food around. to my surprise, i was walking around bugis cold storage, there was a whole lot of smoked chicken and no one was queuing for it, i remember i needed to queue like mad to get mine at parkway. so i went to bedok ntuc.. everything just seemed so normal.. there was no rush for food whatsoever. the yong tau foo that i thought will run out still has so much stock awaiting to be purchased.
when i reached home, i saw victor sitting at the playground waiting for me, i felt so guilty making him wait. but i didn't have a choice lah.. i did the best i could. soon after i reached home, karen/andrew/belle/inez all came by. the steamboat was ok.. we just talked and stuff. but it was after that, they started playing their mahjong as if it was chinese new year.. there just isn't any christmas spirit i wanted. probably i'm a weirdo, only belle shares my ideal of a special xmas. dim lightings, candles, christmas song, logcake, fondue. as i said, it's just different now. for the past 3 christmas when the clock struck 12, it was a hug followed by "merry xmas dearie". but now it's just a simple shake of hand, and a "merry xmas". this whole celebration the only person entertaining me was inez.. belle was too tired from her malacca trip. why does she need to force everything to herself? i think those crank heads friends of hers are fucking stupid, who the fuck goes to malaysia on the weekend before xmas and come back on the 23rd.. the go to work on the 24th. the best part, she comes to the celebration sick and tired. honestly, i was just put off by that and those incorrigible people gambling the whole night long. i mean you can talk, or can play games evryone can join in.. why mahjong?
i thought at least the midnight exchange or fondue will be good. but no, they didn't eat much, i had to call my bro's friends down. it was seriously a mistake to call them over, i guess i have to find new khakis next yr.. most likely my apro gang.
yesterday, i needed to bring the candles out from my little relationship momento. this is the first time i opened it in 6 months. i felt really sour, looking back at the gifts i bought for her, all the memories we in there. i wonder if she felt the same, i can never tell.. i don't know her like i used to. i guess this time i close it.. i will never open it ever for long long time. today, our cranberry candle just nice finished and i used the white musk. all good things come to an end. looking back the 2 women i really loved, emily and belle, both incredibly charming in their own way, i gave everything i had to put it right, in the end the result always doesn't turn out the way i wanted. today is the first time she ever stepped into my house for 6 mths.. first time she lied on my bed.. i was lying beside her.. but i couldn't pull her to me anymore. 2 things that stopped me: impossibility and change. do i deserve this? the answer is no.. she couldn't wait. as i spent the night alone in my parent's room, i came to a conclusion that we can never be together again. although we hugged in the morning, it was just for old time's sake. i swore upon myself, that i will treat my next girlfriend even better than her.. and i'm gonna make sure, she feels blessed to be around me, not only to make her feel lucky but to also show HER what a big mistake she made.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Friday, November 9, 2007
1st soccer win
it's been a short week, been reading my emails and analysing some quotes which the agents have made. only left with 3 weeks to the first sailing and nothing has been confirmed, i'm starting to feel a bit worried that we need to handle a lot of last minute work. yesterday was deepavali and today is a friday, overall it's been a pretty happy week. linda has been one happy lady for the past few days and she didn't really scold me.
but today i really didn't feel like doing work. i was just busy concentrating on my soccer later and i was preoccupied with what happened on wednesday. i really had the time of my life. a lot of us were still talking about it. ying er and jamie came to talk to me the whole afternoon, jamie replied so super fast i wonder if she needed to work. i didn't even read my emails. i just couldn't concentrate on my work. jamie wanted me to write her an email since wed was so interesting, in fact she forced me. i had to do it, i looked pretty suspicious from the side even though linda couldn't see, i was typing non stop on the keyboard. she must be thinking wah i msn non stop. i couldn't stop myself of thinking about huiting today, guess from that day onwards i looked at her from a different perspective. unfortunately, we're just different in many ways.. she's really cheena speaking with an ah lian seh while i'm just a simple guy looking for simple things. anyway, i think she's got a bf so wad the hell.
today is our first soccer game. we only had 7 people.. me, kp, thomas, jonathan, max, jason, justin. thomas didn't know chuan de was not coming and zaki pulled out last minute. i can't stand zaki for pulling out last minute, it's just wrong. there are some others who chose to go for the free bowling practice rather than play football. this isn't the commitment that we want. we proved our mettle by winning the game 5-3. callaway wouters are also first timers and they had almost an entire team of middle aged men. we had 2 subs but they hardly played.. it was an intense game from start to end cos the scoreline was ever so close. we came close to killing the game at 5-2 but we let in one so they made it 5-3. it gave me a scare cos i thought the score was 4-3 and they had another shot to equalise. me, kp and jason got on the score sheet with jason scoring 3. kp put us on the driving seat with an early goal right from the start. callaway never came back. jason scored all 3 from range with one acute angle shot, if i didn't remember wrong i set up both for him. i scored one myself, i thought it was really neat. i stole the ball from the last man at the flank, sprinted, pull the ball to the left.. one on one with the gk, slotted it under his legs. it was really clinical. there was a little luck involved cos i didn't aim under his legs but wanted to get under him.
so we all went home happy with a good result to share. justin made many brilliant saves.. i guess his warm up by running from office to the cage really helps. at least we showed we can win it with 7 players. however, it was really a tiring match and we really worked hard for it.
but today i really didn't feel like doing work. i was just busy concentrating on my soccer later and i was preoccupied with what happened on wednesday. i really had the time of my life. a lot of us were still talking about it. ying er and jamie came to talk to me the whole afternoon, jamie replied so super fast i wonder if she needed to work. i didn't even read my emails. i just couldn't concentrate on my work. jamie wanted me to write her an email since wed was so interesting, in fact she forced me. i had to do it, i looked pretty suspicious from the side even though linda couldn't see, i was typing non stop on the keyboard. she must be thinking wah i msn non stop. i couldn't stop myself of thinking about huiting today, guess from that day onwards i looked at her from a different perspective. unfortunately, we're just different in many ways.. she's really cheena speaking with an ah lian seh while i'm just a simple guy looking for simple things. anyway, i think she's got a bf so wad the hell.
today is our first soccer game. we only had 7 people.. me, kp, thomas, jonathan, max, jason, justin. thomas didn't know chuan de was not coming and zaki pulled out last minute. i can't stand zaki for pulling out last minute, it's just wrong. there are some others who chose to go for the free bowling practice rather than play football. this isn't the commitment that we want. we proved our mettle by winning the game 5-3. callaway wouters are also first timers and they had almost an entire team of middle aged men. we had 2 subs but they hardly played.. it was an intense game from start to end cos the scoreline was ever so close. we came close to killing the game at 5-2 but we let in one so they made it 5-3. it gave me a scare cos i thought the score was 4-3 and they had another shot to equalise. me, kp and jason got on the score sheet with jason scoring 3. kp put us on the driving seat with an early goal right from the start. callaway never came back. jason scored all 3 from range with one acute angle shot, if i didn't remember wrong i set up both for him. i scored one myself, i thought it was really neat. i stole the ball from the last man at the flank, sprinted, pull the ball to the left.. one on one with the gk, slotted it under his legs. it was really clinical. there was a little luck involved cos i didn't aim under his legs but wanted to get under him.
so we all went home happy with a good result to share. justin made many brilliant saves.. i guess his warm up by running from office to the cage really helps. at least we showed we can win it with 7 players. however, it was really a tiring match and we really worked hard for it.
1st soccer win
it's been a short week, been reading my emails and analysing some quotes which the agents have made. only left with 3 weeks to the first sailing and nothing has been confirmed, i'm starting to feel a bit worried that we need to handle a lot of last minute work. yesterday was deepavali and today is a friday, overall it's been a pretty happy week. linda has been one happy lady for the past few days and she didn't really scold me.
but today i really didn't feel like doing work. i was just busy concentrating on my soccer later and i was preoccupied with what happened on wednesday. i really had the time of my life. a lot of us were still talking about it. ying er and jamie came to talk to me the whole afternoon, jamie replied so super fast i wonder if she needed to work. i didn't even read my emails. i just couldn't concentrate on my work. jamie wanted me to write her an email since wed was so interesting, in fact she forced me. i had to do it, i looked pretty suspicious from the side even though linda couldn't see, i was typing non stop on the keyboard. she must be thinking wah i msn non stop. i couldn't stop myself of thinking about huiting today, guess from that day onwards i looked at her from a different perspective. unfortunately, we're just different in many ways.. she's really cheena speaking with an ah lian seh while i'm just a simple guy looking for simple things. anyway, i think she's got a bf so wad the hell.
today is our first soccer game. we only had 7 people.. me, kp, thomas, jonathan, max, jason, justin. thomas didn't know chuan de was not coming and zaki pulled out last minute. i can't stand zaki for pulling out last minute, it's just wrong. there are some others who chose to go for the free bowling practice rather than play football. this isn't the commitment that we want. we proved our mettle by winning the game 5-3. callaway wouters are also first timers and they had almost an entire team of middle aged men. we had 2 subs but they hardly played.. it was an intense game from start to end cos the scoreline was ever so close. we came close to killing the game at 5-2 but we let in one so they made it 5-3. it gave me a scare cos i thought the score was 4-3 and they had another shot to equalise. me, kp and jason got on the score sheet with jason scoring 3. kp put us on the driving seat with an early goal right from the start. callaway never came back. jason scored all 3 from range with one acute angle shot, if i didn't remember wrong i set up both for him. i scored one myself, i thought it was really neat. i stole the ball from the last man at the flank, sprinted, pull the ball to the left.. one on one with the gk, slotted it under his legs. it was really clinical. there was a little luck involved cos i didn't aim under his legs but wanted to get under him.
so we all went home happy with a good result to share. justin made many brilliant saves.. i guess his warm up by running from office to the cage really helps. at least we showed we can win it with 7 players. however, it was really a tiring match and we really worked hard for it.
but today i really didn't feel like doing work. i was just busy concentrating on my soccer later and i was preoccupied with what happened on wednesday. i really had the time of my life. a lot of us were still talking about it. ying er and jamie came to talk to me the whole afternoon, jamie replied so super fast i wonder if she needed to work. i didn't even read my emails. i just couldn't concentrate on my work. jamie wanted me to write her an email since wed was so interesting, in fact she forced me. i had to do it, i looked pretty suspicious from the side even though linda couldn't see, i was typing non stop on the keyboard. she must be thinking wah i msn non stop. i couldn't stop myself of thinking about huiting today, guess from that day onwards i looked at her from a different perspective. unfortunately, we're just different in many ways.. she's really cheena speaking with an ah lian seh while i'm just a simple guy looking for simple things. anyway, i think she's got a bf so wad the hell.
today is our first soccer game. we only had 7 people.. me, kp, thomas, jonathan, max, jason, justin. thomas didn't know chuan de was not coming and zaki pulled out last minute. i can't stand zaki for pulling out last minute, it's just wrong. there are some others who chose to go for the free bowling practice rather than play football. this isn't the commitment that we want. we proved our mettle by winning the game 5-3. callaway wouters are also first timers and they had almost an entire team of middle aged men. we had 2 subs but they hardly played.. it was an intense game from start to end cos the scoreline was ever so close. we came close to killing the game at 5-2 but we let in one so they made it 5-3. it gave me a scare cos i thought the score was 4-3 and they had another shot to equalise. me, kp and jason got on the score sheet with jason scoring 3. kp put us on the driving seat with an early goal right from the start. callaway never came back. jason scored all 3 from range with one acute angle shot, if i didn't remember wrong i set up both for him. i scored one myself, i thought it was really neat. i stole the ball from the last man at the flank, sprinted, pull the ball to the left.. one on one with the gk, slotted it under his legs. it was really clinical. there was a little luck involved cos i didn't aim under his legs but wanted to get under him.
so we all went home happy with a good result to share. justin made many brilliant saves.. i guess his warm up by running from office to the cage really helps. at least we showed we can win it with 7 players. however, it was really a tiring match and we really worked hard for it.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
PIL Chill Out Night - 7 Nov
well oh well, where do i begin? just begin from me sitting in eugene's car with huiting, agnes, kuan shyuan. it wasnt very happening, i felt awkward cos all of them were speaking chinese and the 2 ladies behind were so loud, just like 38. i think agnes was an ah lian in her previous life cos she behaves like a female gang chief. huiting is cute in a certain way but too bad she's not my type..hahah!
so my first time at dbl o.. the irony is we arrived even earlier than the club pac ppl.. i became eugene's scapegoat to practice with him. didn't expect he was so good, at least i lost to the eventual runner up. i was sitting at the side watching kenny phua and kelvin tay play.. i thought the winner of this game will win the cup but too bad i was wrong! kelvin tay was superb.. every ball was perfectly placed, he snooked kenny like no tml.. pure admiration. i think he sapped out all his braincells tat match he lost all the remaining games. dinner was crap.. finger food at the minimal quantity. luckily i had my yong tau foo in the afternoon and my free tuborg to fill up my stomach. so i was just sitting at the table opposite 5 women (agnes, huiting, krystle, stella, kuan shyuan) as if they were interviewing me for some bachelor contest. it didnt help when this capt from fleet came over and said "cheers ladies".. so i looked at him... then he realise what he has done.. i said " i thought you forgot abt the gentleman here."so the party got started, peeps started to pour in arnd 8 plus so that's where the show begins. amatueurs like wei jye and yee kai are in for the party of their lives. i got 2 glasses of vodka orange and 1 pair of lust.. shit i had to pay for lust cos it wasnt included in the voucher..damn but the shot was good. william ang bought tequila shots for everyone. after the quarter finals, i took part in the speed drinking compeititon..i lost man.. kp won it. he drank 2 jus when i was at 1. jeremy was also a damn fast drinker. fantastic. i saw jock jin and vincent yip standing by the corner..he invited me to his table.. hahaha he thought i didnt know what he was up to.. he wanted to introduce me to his trade finance ladies.. but being the shy me.. i declined..hahahah. we started playing some drinking games..it went on and on. one by one ppl started to "fall out". huiting was lying on the sofa like she was dying.. agnes was suddenly so noisy i dono wad happen to her.. she din even tok to me today. the funniest part of all was mr tan yee kai! eveyone knew he couldnt drink but evryone wants to make him drunk! he didn't drink alot.. max 2 glasses and he started smiling like a buddha. dono what happened.. he was sharing a seat with me and suddenly he just fell on the ground just like that.. tat was hilarious to the power of 10.. and he still wanted to send huiting home.. god bless. amos just arrived.. he oso just had abit i could see his whole face red.. wth?! liner was dominating the whole night.. winning the pool and drinks trophies. fleet at the other side of the arena was trying to gain some territory.. we challenged each other with some yum seng.. those sore loseres had no more voice to compete they even took the microphone!! i was getting a bit crazy myself.. screamed my lungs off.. and almost wanted to take the mike. i heard the the dbl o staff saying " we don encourage shouting here".
i dono what happen i started talking to stella the trade manager of some africa trade. we started talking abt marriage, men and women! it was really interesting hearing what she has to say but i honestly.. every word was going in one ear and coming out the other. she's damn sporting.. ask her to drink she will drink. i was telling her how materialistic women are nowadays and the difference in status between man and woman.. sounds complex to talk about these when you're half drunk. suddenly after 10 all the peeps started to leave. we wanted to order some more using our remaining vouchers. the fucked up waiter told us we were 5 min late.. i was like wtf?! so i figured out.. it'll definitely work out if i asked sandra to ask him. true enuff.. we had a last order.. at least the sandra charm works. so i began counting the coupons for her.. she asked me "are u ok? you're not urself today." duh.. she says like she knows me damn well. i asked yee kai to cfm my numbers.. i counted 10 while he counted 9.. i wonder if he's wrong or i am? heck!what's important we get our drinks. everyone started to go home already so it's left with me, krystle, serene, chu ee, alan. serene started playing drinking games with me.. i wonder if i'll end up getting raped by her?! haha i din even noe what i was drinking. so i got up.. started to feel abit giddy.. went to the toilet.. i saw vincent yip having his arms around sherlyn's shoulder. at first i tot it was sandra cos i saw her around the area just a lil while ago.. then i realised it wasnt her.. lucky jayce told me. my first instinct- help damsel in distress! she was totally knocked out. her head held low.. only can see her hair.. stayed in tat stationary position for 15min. i got worried for her.. so i told kenny to fuck up the party for him. he made us drink the remaining beer from his jug.. i'm game anytime. he said that her bf was coming to pick her up later. then i started thinking.. oh yah jamie told me she was single. so i called her.. i was feeling even more blur this time! i knew what i was saying but i dono y was i saying it.. haha. i think i scared her. i was thinking maybe i shld ask jayce to send sherlyn home. dbl o was so noisy i went somewhere (i forgot) to use the phone.. the bouncer chased me away.. i went into the staircase to use it.. the bouncer said i couldnt talk here.. i was wtf everywhere also cannot use hp! anyway before i knew it they were gone. all was left for me to tell everyone else the story. on my way to pee again.. jayce and ks were waiting outside the toilet for sandra.. she was totally gone.. drowned by alcohol. after that night out, i came to a conclusion.. sandra is not as hot as i thought she was!
we left for butter factory. vincent yip was sitting on the sofa stoned just like when i saw huiting couple of hrs ago. i was surprised he still willing to go to butter factory with us. i was damn reluctant to but in the end i went in for 2min.,.,hahah. one thing to mention.. i think there's smtg going on between kp and krystle. they are like going for lunch everyday, like always go home togeter also i think. somemore they left early together.. she went to buy a dress just for this party. they were very close and i saw her holding his arm summore loh.. and she has a bf.. this can't be happening.. she needs counselling. we got to know this alan guy frm chu ee. although i wasn't very sober.. i had a bad impression about him and that's trouble. he invited us to butter factory and even offered to open 2 bottles.. crazy bugger. the gals went to toilet and left me and kp on the dancefloor. he told me "just enjoy only, i take krystle and u take her fren".felt worried for krystle cos i'm afraid she trust him too much. i mean just to play safe lah.. i don trust alan too. i heard after i left alan almost got into a fight with a big group of ppl and all of them got chased out of the club..hahah. my condition was getting worst..i didnt feel like staying so i left w/o a word.
in the cab i suddenly felt nauseous.. i was gonna puke!! i didnt have enuff money with me..so i opened the letterbox to get the money mum left for me.. puke abit first.. then went to give the driver the money.. puke again..my hands outstretch to take the change..haha! the driver even ask me if i was ok.. but before i knew it he sped off..wth. i crashed onto the floor.. it was weird i never got this high before.. but i liked the feeling..haha. it's like everytime i think abt smtg my head will ache. i garnered all my strength to go and lock the door before i landed up on the floor again. next thing i knew i slept till 6am in my socks and long sleeves w/o fan on.. it's amazing. being a clean freak that i am, i still went to bathe man and then back to slp again.
so my first time at dbl o.. the irony is we arrived even earlier than the club pac ppl.. i became eugene's scapegoat to practice with him. didn't expect he was so good, at least i lost to the eventual runner up. i was sitting at the side watching kenny phua and kelvin tay play.. i thought the winner of this game will win the cup but too bad i was wrong! kelvin tay was superb.. every ball was perfectly placed, he snooked kenny like no tml.. pure admiration. i think he sapped out all his braincells tat match he lost all the remaining games. dinner was crap.. finger food at the minimal quantity. luckily i had my yong tau foo in the afternoon and my free tuborg to fill up my stomach. so i was just sitting at the table opposite 5 women (agnes, huiting, krystle, stella, kuan shyuan) as if they were interviewing me for some bachelor contest. it didnt help when this capt from fleet came over and said "cheers ladies".. so i looked at him... then he realise what he has done.. i said " i thought you forgot abt the gentleman here."so the party got started, peeps started to pour in arnd 8 plus so that's where the show begins. amatueurs like wei jye and yee kai are in for the party of their lives. i got 2 glasses of vodka orange and 1 pair of lust.. shit i had to pay for lust cos it wasnt included in the voucher..damn but the shot was good. william ang bought tequila shots for everyone. after the quarter finals, i took part in the speed drinking compeititon..i lost man.. kp won it. he drank 2 jus when i was at 1. jeremy was also a damn fast drinker. fantastic. i saw jock jin and vincent yip standing by the corner..he invited me to his table.. hahaha he thought i didnt know what he was up to.. he wanted to introduce me to his trade finance ladies.. but being the shy me.. i declined..hahahah. we started playing some drinking games..it went on and on. one by one ppl started to "fall out". huiting was lying on the sofa like she was dying.. agnes was suddenly so noisy i dono wad happen to her.. she din even tok to me today. the funniest part of all was mr tan yee kai! eveyone knew he couldnt drink but evryone wants to make him drunk! he didn't drink alot.. max 2 glasses and he started smiling like a buddha. dono what happened.. he was sharing a seat with me and suddenly he just fell on the ground just like that.. tat was hilarious to the power of 10.. and he still wanted to send huiting home.. god bless. amos just arrived.. he oso just had abit i could see his whole face red.. wth?! liner was dominating the whole night.. winning the pool and drinks trophies. fleet at the other side of the arena was trying to gain some territory.. we challenged each other with some yum seng.. those sore loseres had no more voice to compete they even took the microphone!! i was getting a bit crazy myself.. screamed my lungs off.. and almost wanted to take the mike. i heard the the dbl o staff saying " we don encourage shouting here".
i dono what happen i started talking to stella the trade manager of some africa trade. we started talking abt marriage, men and women! it was really interesting hearing what she has to say but i honestly.. every word was going in one ear and coming out the other. she's damn sporting.. ask her to drink she will drink. i was telling her how materialistic women are nowadays and the difference in status between man and woman.. sounds complex to talk about these when you're half drunk. suddenly after 10 all the peeps started to leave. we wanted to order some more using our remaining vouchers. the fucked up waiter told us we were 5 min late.. i was like wtf?! so i figured out.. it'll definitely work out if i asked sandra to ask him. true enuff.. we had a last order.. at least the sandra charm works. so i began counting the coupons for her.. she asked me "are u ok? you're not urself today." duh.. she says like she knows me damn well. i asked yee kai to cfm my numbers.. i counted 10 while he counted 9.. i wonder if he's wrong or i am? heck!what's important we get our drinks. everyone started to go home already so it's left with me, krystle, serene, chu ee, alan. serene started playing drinking games with me.. i wonder if i'll end up getting raped by her?! haha i din even noe what i was drinking. so i got up.. started to feel abit giddy.. went to the toilet.. i saw vincent yip having his arms around sherlyn's shoulder. at first i tot it was sandra cos i saw her around the area just a lil while ago.. then i realised it wasnt her.. lucky jayce told me. my first instinct- help damsel in distress! she was totally knocked out. her head held low.. only can see her hair.. stayed in tat stationary position for 15min. i got worried for her.. so i told kenny to fuck up the party for him. he made us drink the remaining beer from his jug.. i'm game anytime. he said that her bf was coming to pick her up later. then i started thinking.. oh yah jamie told me she was single. so i called her.. i was feeling even more blur this time! i knew what i was saying but i dono y was i saying it.. haha. i think i scared her. i was thinking maybe i shld ask jayce to send sherlyn home. dbl o was so noisy i went somewhere (i forgot) to use the phone.. the bouncer chased me away.. i went into the staircase to use it.. the bouncer said i couldnt talk here.. i was wtf everywhere also cannot use hp! anyway before i knew it they were gone. all was left for me to tell everyone else the story. on my way to pee again.. jayce and ks were waiting outside the toilet for sandra.. she was totally gone.. drowned by alcohol. after that night out, i came to a conclusion.. sandra is not as hot as i thought she was!
we left for butter factory. vincent yip was sitting on the sofa stoned just like when i saw huiting couple of hrs ago. i was surprised he still willing to go to butter factory with us. i was damn reluctant to but in the end i went in for 2min.,.,hahah. one thing to mention.. i think there's smtg going on between kp and krystle. they are like going for lunch everyday, like always go home togeter also i think. somemore they left early together.. she went to buy a dress just for this party. they were very close and i saw her holding his arm summore loh.. and she has a bf.. this can't be happening.. she needs counselling. we got to know this alan guy frm chu ee. although i wasn't very sober.. i had a bad impression about him and that's trouble. he invited us to butter factory and even offered to open 2 bottles.. crazy bugger. the gals went to toilet and left me and kp on the dancefloor. he told me "just enjoy only, i take krystle and u take her fren".felt worried for krystle cos i'm afraid she trust him too much. i mean just to play safe lah.. i don trust alan too. i heard after i left alan almost got into a fight with a big group of ppl and all of them got chased out of the club..hahah. my condition was getting worst..i didnt feel like staying so i left w/o a word.
in the cab i suddenly felt nauseous.. i was gonna puke!! i didnt have enuff money with me..so i opened the letterbox to get the money mum left for me.. puke abit first.. then went to give the driver the money.. puke again..my hands outstretch to take the change..haha! the driver even ask me if i was ok.. but before i knew it he sped off..wth. i crashed onto the floor.. it was weird i never got this high before.. but i liked the feeling..haha. it's like everytime i think abt smtg my head will ache. i garnered all my strength to go and lock the door before i landed up on the floor again. next thing i knew i slept till 6am in my socks and long sleeves w/o fan on.. it's amazing. being a clean freak that i am, i still went to bathe man and then back to slp again.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
scc awards night
last night was the scc awards night, the last time i went was a few yrs ago when i just joined the club. i think i was still in div 3 back then. looking back, i've seen how much we've grown on and off the pitch and how we developed as a person.
i went for a run at 4pm, it was hot. normally i wouldn't have any difficulties completing the run. this time, i was breathing hard, i could feel my body getting heavier. i wonder if it was due to the heat or is it because of off season fitness. i was told to be at scc at 1830. i slacked and stoned after the rather tiring work out before going to msn and bathe. i was choosing what to wear for the formal occasion to look impressive but my hair wasn't at all impressive. i thought valarie would be there for this social event but i came out disappointed. by the time i left home it was around 6pm already, walking to the bus stop i was sweating already. i thought of taking a cab, the only reason that kept me against the idea was i know i will be taking it back home after the dinner. in the end, i didn't want to be late and reach scc looking like i just went to the sauna so i hailed a cab. when i reached there, there was not a single soul around. the agm was at 1730 and dinner 1900, shit man wtf was i told to go at 1830. i called jonathan and he hasn't even left his house. darn, so i just sat at the terrace smoking, waiting and deleting messages from my hp. haikal and jay joined me around 1900.
the crowd today wasn't very expecting, i could tell the distance between the ladies section and the men's. you could see the ladies on one side the and men on another. by changing coaches for the ladies and men, you can tell the we weren't as close as we used to be. i remember last time we would all mingle around cos we would see each other during trainings. some of them, we don't even know their names. honestly, in that case i feel the section should just be separated. they gave out awards for the team's best players. i thought if they were giving to the juniors i would probably stand a chance. i would be ok if they gave it to danker or dr kong, but they decided to choose ashwin, i was not happy at all. reason being, he didn't really made any impact for the team and he probably just played 5 games out of 13, which is less than half! if you're speaking about penetration i would think wee chin to be a better choice, at least he works harder and he scores. ashwin didn't even score and that's important as a forward. he didn't make any impact at our semis. i just disagree with that decision cos they think too highly of him. the worse thing is i have to cover his shit cos he wasn't around. i went to collect his award for him and still needed to make a speech, what the hell.
the best part of the evening was just drinking and catching up with everyone else. i did my fair bit of entertaining today, talking to joan, danker and felix. jay "introduced" me to felix, probably thinking i don't even know him. so felix asked me why i didn't apply for rs platou and all that.. i just didn't know how to answer him. the truth is i don't want to go in without being confident of my performance. i don't feel comfortable having a expat boss cos i just can't stand them anymore. i used to think they were liberal and more forgiving but they aren't. they are the most senseless and arrogant people around. not that i'm saying he is one.
then it was danker's turn. i'm really glad to have known him, he's like a second dad who's seen me grown up. i respect him because he pursues what he wants to and not get affected by what the society expects. well of course he faced the consequences but at least he lived a good part of his life doing stuff he likes to cos it's not that he cannot become a professional. i know with his talent and intellect he can achieve things that others can. he's optimistic and always trying to explore. and now even at 43, he's still taking his degree. it's not easy for a parent much less for a person in his 40s. coming from a man who has been through a whole lot in his life, it goes to show my decision of starting work was a right one and there will always be a time and place to take a degree later on. what's important is to believe in your capabilities and not be afraid of changes. i guess right now i shouldn't be thinking of keeping up with my peers anymore cos everyone has chosen different paths and it's almost impossible to keep up with everyone but to choose my own and grab the opportunity. his analysis of me was right, i'm a person who plans my journey carefully, not daring enough to try anything by the side. i guess that's why my relationship failed, cos i planned everything so well that the element of surprise was missing. anything that didn't go well will be deemed as failure. i wanted to please her so i was complied to plan a nice day out with her every week. at time, it's just good to live by the moment, that way you'll be happier. i'm still young and i've still 40 years to get by.
me, kandhiban, jonathan, max were sitting, drinking beer and chatting. one by one siew hua and jeanette came over to talk to us. sh needed a lighter so she came over, jean just needed a guy to dance with her. i like sh, i think she's different. there's this certain flair about her that attracts, i wouldn't think she's pretty but combined with this flair i think she's pretty hot. i've always found jeanette pretty but i feel she's pretty shallow. she says she'll date a guy who younger than her if he's cute and rich. fuck it, u mean his father is rich? i just hate it when women talk about money. i know women like men of caliber. there are men out there who isn't rich but are men of caliber simply because they choose a path that they believe in. i probably don't know her well. if she's going to bangkok maybe i think the conversation will continue.
we left scc around 2 plus to eat something at lau pa sat before heading back for the rugby world cup finals. i didn't find it very interesting cos the match was pretty one sided. it's always england trying to score but south africa defending ever so well. rugby is for fools, brute strength without using the brains. there was this snobbish england fan who looked at me like i owe him a living just because i blocked his view. i didn't mean to cos i didn't realise he was behind. in the end ananda kumar quarreled with him cos he's such a sore loser cos his team lost. i was so happy. just because ananda shouted "south africa win, england lose!" he wasn't happy. i mean wtf, scc is not in england and the final is sa and england so it doesn't mean the whole crowd must support england. all these white fuckers think so great about themselves, buzz off man.
i went for a run at 4pm, it was hot. normally i wouldn't have any difficulties completing the run. this time, i was breathing hard, i could feel my body getting heavier. i wonder if it was due to the heat or is it because of off season fitness. i was told to be at scc at 1830. i slacked and stoned after the rather tiring work out before going to msn and bathe. i was choosing what to wear for the formal occasion to look impressive but my hair wasn't at all impressive. i thought valarie would be there for this social event but i came out disappointed. by the time i left home it was around 6pm already, walking to the bus stop i was sweating already. i thought of taking a cab, the only reason that kept me against the idea was i know i will be taking it back home after the dinner. in the end, i didn't want to be late and reach scc looking like i just went to the sauna so i hailed a cab. when i reached there, there was not a single soul around. the agm was at 1730 and dinner 1900, shit man wtf was i told to go at 1830. i called jonathan and he hasn't even left his house. darn, so i just sat at the terrace smoking, waiting and deleting messages from my hp. haikal and jay joined me around 1900.
the crowd today wasn't very expecting, i could tell the distance between the ladies section and the men's. you could see the ladies on one side the and men on another. by changing coaches for the ladies and men, you can tell the we weren't as close as we used to be. i remember last time we would all mingle around cos we would see each other during trainings. some of them, we don't even know their names. honestly, in that case i feel the section should just be separated. they gave out awards for the team's best players. i thought if they were giving to the juniors i would probably stand a chance. i would be ok if they gave it to danker or dr kong, but they decided to choose ashwin, i was not happy at all. reason being, he didn't really made any impact for the team and he probably just played 5 games out of 13, which is less than half! if you're speaking about penetration i would think wee chin to be a better choice, at least he works harder and he scores. ashwin didn't even score and that's important as a forward. he didn't make any impact at our semis. i just disagree with that decision cos they think too highly of him. the worse thing is i have to cover his shit cos he wasn't around. i went to collect his award for him and still needed to make a speech, what the hell.
the best part of the evening was just drinking and catching up with everyone else. i did my fair bit of entertaining today, talking to joan, danker and felix. jay "introduced" me to felix, probably thinking i don't even know him. so felix asked me why i didn't apply for rs platou and all that.. i just didn't know how to answer him. the truth is i don't want to go in without being confident of my performance. i don't feel comfortable having a expat boss cos i just can't stand them anymore. i used to think they were liberal and more forgiving but they aren't. they are the most senseless and arrogant people around. not that i'm saying he is one.
then it was danker's turn. i'm really glad to have known him, he's like a second dad who's seen me grown up. i respect him because he pursues what he wants to and not get affected by what the society expects. well of course he faced the consequences but at least he lived a good part of his life doing stuff he likes to cos it's not that he cannot become a professional. i know with his talent and intellect he can achieve things that others can. he's optimistic and always trying to explore. and now even at 43, he's still taking his degree. it's not easy for a parent much less for a person in his 40s. coming from a man who has been through a whole lot in his life, it goes to show my decision of starting work was a right one and there will always be a time and place to take a degree later on. what's important is to believe in your capabilities and not be afraid of changes. i guess right now i shouldn't be thinking of keeping up with my peers anymore cos everyone has chosen different paths and it's almost impossible to keep up with everyone but to choose my own and grab the opportunity. his analysis of me was right, i'm a person who plans my journey carefully, not daring enough to try anything by the side. i guess that's why my relationship failed, cos i planned everything so well that the element of surprise was missing. anything that didn't go well will be deemed as failure. i wanted to please her so i was complied to plan a nice day out with her every week. at time, it's just good to live by the moment, that way you'll be happier. i'm still young and i've still 40 years to get by.
me, kandhiban, jonathan, max were sitting, drinking beer and chatting. one by one siew hua and jeanette came over to talk to us. sh needed a lighter so she came over, jean just needed a guy to dance with her. i like sh, i think she's different. there's this certain flair about her that attracts, i wouldn't think she's pretty but combined with this flair i think she's pretty hot. i've always found jeanette pretty but i feel she's pretty shallow. she says she'll date a guy who younger than her if he's cute and rich. fuck it, u mean his father is rich? i just hate it when women talk about money. i know women like men of caliber. there are men out there who isn't rich but are men of caliber simply because they choose a path that they believe in. i probably don't know her well. if she's going to bangkok maybe i think the conversation will continue.
we left scc around 2 plus to eat something at lau pa sat before heading back for the rugby world cup finals. i didn't find it very interesting cos the match was pretty one sided. it's always england trying to score but south africa defending ever so well. rugby is for fools, brute strength without using the brains. there was this snobbish england fan who looked at me like i owe him a living just because i blocked his view. i didn't mean to cos i didn't realise he was behind. in the end ananda kumar quarreled with him cos he's such a sore loser cos his team lost. i was so happy. just because ananda shouted "south africa win, england lose!" he wasn't happy. i mean wtf, scc is not in england and the final is sa and england so it doesn't mean the whole crowd must support england. all these white fuckers think so great about themselves, buzz off man.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
lonely saturday
i never had problems with weekends when i was attached, without fail we will meet each other every week, most of the time just going to the same old places cos i'm probably too lazy to find anywhere new since i'm in camp and already dead tired every saturday with ndp rehearsals. at least before i ord i still could go out with my army friends, sometimes ask her out during the period where i'm still getting used to. now that my season is over, i finally feel the full effects of loneliness. i woke up in the morning without any plans. my parents have gone to genting, great relief cos there won't be anyone to nag at me.
i woke up in the morning thinking how the hell am i suppose to spend my day. i thought of bowling, to see if i still have what it takes to join the pil bowling tournie. reluctantly, i called sw, i think he must be damn shocked to see my phone call. i thought to myself when did i actually stop talking to him when we used to be good friends. i guess the fact is i did pick up the initaitive to call him shows that i do not hold any grudge against him anymore. ns has changed me, moulded me to be a more forgiving person. this is my side of the story but i wonder what the other party thinks. he suggested going to marina with wl and eugene. wl has a car and he definitely can fetch the both of them but what abt me, i surely will look stupid walking with a bowling ball from city hall to marina on a crowded saturday afternoon. honestly, i did feel very awkward talking to him again so i sms him to tell him i'm not going. faye wasn't free too cos she has training. i really didn't want to call her but i did not want to face her in a awkward manner in future. well at least i tried. i didn't want to show that i neglected everyone when i was attached and now that i'm single i start crawling back to them. i guess i just wanted to save face. my very last resort was to cordially invite my bro to bowl but he too didn't want.. actually i guessed it.
so i accepted the fact that the whole day i'll be all alone. after lunch, i spent the afternoon catching up with germaine.. she was still in pri 5 when we went to europe and now she's sec 2.. talking to me like a grown up. at 3 plus i decided to go to library.. the weather was pretty good so it was a good idea just catching some of the fresh air instead of staying at home. i thought being a public holiday it'll probably close at 5 or smtg but it didn't even open.. i should have checked.. a wasted trip down. since i was at bedok i might as well hang around for a little while before heading home. i went to the ntuc to get some air con, it reminded me of the days where ying er and i used to shop over here for my snacks to bring to camp over the week or shop for groceries for steamboat when we invited faye when my parents were overseas. those were such happy days, i could remember how she chose the prawn, picked the yong tau foo. that was the belle i knew who was just contented with what she had, just contented with me being around her to love her, and i was glad i had her support.
i wanted to borrow a dvd to watch just in case i get bored, anyway it's been a long time since i catch a movie. looking at the movies, they were all around 2-3 yrs back and i've watched most of them in the cinemas with her. i wanted to rent ocean's thirteen, but when i wanted to give my ic to register for the rent it wasnt in the pocket i always place it in. i even called gl to help me go to paradiz to see if the guy returned the ic to me yesterday. only when i was in the bus did i realise i misplaced it in the wrong pocket. seems like today i'm fated to be deprived of friends, books and dvd.
i went home, changed and decided to go for a jog. i haven been jogging since i started work, only playing hockey but it's different. i can feel my arms shrink and the strength no longer there. after a few mths of hockey i can feel my legs feel lighter when running, no longer need to drag myself. i ran at a slightly faster pace today. did some push ups and crunches before heading home, by the time it's already 7pm, how time flies. i heard faye was coming over to stay but she nva came. i wonder what she is up to, she tells my bro that she's coming but she nva inform me and she nva come also never say, somemore she sleep in my room.. aiyah whatever.. women.
i just spent the whole night watching tv.. no one to disturb me. slept at 2am.. my body aching but it feels good to have let off the endorphins and sweat out all the work stress. val, when can i see u again?
i woke up in the morning thinking how the hell am i suppose to spend my day. i thought of bowling, to see if i still have what it takes to join the pil bowling tournie. reluctantly, i called sw, i think he must be damn shocked to see my phone call. i thought to myself when did i actually stop talking to him when we used to be good friends. i guess the fact is i did pick up the initaitive to call him shows that i do not hold any grudge against him anymore. ns has changed me, moulded me to be a more forgiving person. this is my side of the story but i wonder what the other party thinks. he suggested going to marina with wl and eugene. wl has a car and he definitely can fetch the both of them but what abt me, i surely will look stupid walking with a bowling ball from city hall to marina on a crowded saturday afternoon. honestly, i did feel very awkward talking to him again so i sms him to tell him i'm not going. faye wasn't free too cos she has training. i really didn't want to call her but i did not want to face her in a awkward manner in future. well at least i tried. i didn't want to show that i neglected everyone when i was attached and now that i'm single i start crawling back to them. i guess i just wanted to save face. my very last resort was to cordially invite my bro to bowl but he too didn't want.. actually i guessed it.
so i accepted the fact that the whole day i'll be all alone. after lunch, i spent the afternoon catching up with germaine.. she was still in pri 5 when we went to europe and now she's sec 2.. talking to me like a grown up. at 3 plus i decided to go to library.. the weather was pretty good so it was a good idea just catching some of the fresh air instead of staying at home. i thought being a public holiday it'll probably close at 5 or smtg but it didn't even open.. i should have checked.. a wasted trip down. since i was at bedok i might as well hang around for a little while before heading home. i went to the ntuc to get some air con, it reminded me of the days where ying er and i used to shop over here for my snacks to bring to camp over the week or shop for groceries for steamboat when we invited faye when my parents were overseas. those were such happy days, i could remember how she chose the prawn, picked the yong tau foo. that was the belle i knew who was just contented with what she had, just contented with me being around her to love her, and i was glad i had her support.
i wanted to borrow a dvd to watch just in case i get bored, anyway it's been a long time since i catch a movie. looking at the movies, they were all around 2-3 yrs back and i've watched most of them in the cinemas with her. i wanted to rent ocean's thirteen, but when i wanted to give my ic to register for the rent it wasnt in the pocket i always place it in. i even called gl to help me go to paradiz to see if the guy returned the ic to me yesterday. only when i was in the bus did i realise i misplaced it in the wrong pocket. seems like today i'm fated to be deprived of friends, books and dvd.
i went home, changed and decided to go for a jog. i haven been jogging since i started work, only playing hockey but it's different. i can feel my arms shrink and the strength no longer there. after a few mths of hockey i can feel my legs feel lighter when running, no longer need to drag myself. i ran at a slightly faster pace today. did some push ups and crunches before heading home, by the time it's already 7pm, how time flies. i heard faye was coming over to stay but she nva came. i wonder what she is up to, she tells my bro that she's coming but she nva inform me and she nva come also never say, somemore she sleep in my room.. aiyah whatever.. women.
i just spent the whole night watching tv.. no one to disturb me. slept at 2am.. my body aching but it feels good to have let off the endorphins and sweat out all the work stress. val, when can i see u again?
Saturday, October 13, 2007
all recce rejects
it was friday yesterday, went to work in an upbeat mood knowing it'll be the last working day of the week, it has been a week busy compiling the market feedback for black sea, and sometimes needing to amend the style of the spreadsheet to linda's preference, i mean thats the prob when ppl don't want to tell you how they want things to be done. it's either u accept the way he/she does it or you verbally spill it out. anyway i don't know why i'm so tired today, she gave me a list of port pairs to create the freight rates into the system, the first few were all easy but when things start to get complicated i started making mistakes. i guess it was probably cos i was too tired and blur or i'm already thinking about after work activities. i was so afraid i needed to stay till 8pm or so to complete it cos i was really not in the mood anymore. when william say that it's not necessary to finish all and just give them a few to take as example i was so relieved, i didn't even bother completing my current port pair and left. i saw krystle still working so i decided i should go and talk to her, well i wouldn't say it's making a move cos i don't think she'll be interested, i just feel like getting to know her better, and she's actually studying the rmit degree i wanted to have now, what coincidence.
actually i wanted to go home to watch the 9pm show since it's the last 2 episodes but a part of me felt like going out to relax since it's a friday and i feel i should pamper myself after along weel in the office. so same as last week, i met my army friends guoli, siew hou and ziyang. i was supposed to go to guoli's cafe with sh but sh only finish work at 7 so i had about 1 hr to entertain myself. coincidentally, i met karen at bugis junction so we had dinner together with her birthday boy friend. i really can't stand it cos everyone around me seem to be speaking chinese and they somehow don't feel comfortable conversing in english. luckily for me, william and linda are ok with english. this is like the second time i celebrating a person's birthday without even knowing who the hell is he.. just like that time i went to zouk to celebrate that jojo's birthday, sometimes i feel very extra.. like why can't i find my own friends? i was too engrossed in my relationship when i was in ns that i forgotten all about social life except meeting apro gang once in a long while, and now she started to have a social life she finds out she doesn't need me.. it's at times like this you really have a good reason to blurt out a loud "what the fuck". at times i try to figure out whether the relationship was a mistake but after pondering for a short while i didn't bother to find the answer cos it's simply pointless. the girl i loved isn't who she used to be anymore. so i met up with gl and sh around 2100 at gl's cafe to try his coffee. a little bitter but better than nothing.. at least it's cheaper than starbucks, the seats are good and i don't have to fight for smoking tables.
when gl finished work we left for paradiz centre to play pool, while waiting for a table we played photo hunt, we actually got a free credit. every game is worth 2 credit, i guess the previous player didn't know that and played 1 only. i had to pick ziyang up from peace centre cos he didn't know where's paradiz. so suaku right.. smu student don't know where's paradiz when it's like 400m radius away from his campus. i think it's a great way to chill and catch up. with these army friends there's really nothing to hide cos they really know you inside out. well not really inside out, but they've seen the worse side of you so there's no problem talking about anything under the sun. ziyang broke up with his gf after ord, seldom hear that happen huh.. stating there was no time for each other, like in camp you have all the time in the world like that. i think he's probably stressed out with his studies that's why. i always thought they were very close and solid. i don't understand why these people give themselves so much pressure.. or is it the society forcing them to the corner? i remember he used to lend me his ears during ndp rehearsals when i just broke up with her, when i was wondering why the hell am i making such a big sacrifice for the sake of duty. come to think about it, it's better knowing her true colours sooner. i guess i'm not the only one having problems during the 5 weeks in roc. biao and dave teo also broke up with their gals during this period. if we can't even stand 5 weeks apart then what's the point of a relationship?
i wanted to meet her for a while on tuesday before i go for training. i called her and she said she was going to meet this guy called alvin from pil but i never seen him before and melvin don't know who is he. i finally met him yesterday when he was wearing the sma polo. the first thing that came into my mind when i saw him was.. why is she hanging out with these guys.. the way she says it thought they are like super happening kind of people, but what a disappointment it was, i don't see how much more happening they are than i am. he asked me if i knew ben, i told him i saw him before but dono him. at that moment i remembered that they are friends and she got introduced to him by ben. my temperature rose for a while when i realised it, these were the fuckers that she was hanging out with when i was away and going clubs with her making her do things she doesn't like. i didn't blew my top. he doesn't know i'm her ex ( i think) and he can't spoil our relationship if we really were that solid. she was just never ever sure about herself.
it's quite sad i'm always diverting my day's topic into this issue but i just can't help it. and now when i start thinking about it, i just don't have the mood to carry on typing.
actually i wanted to go home to watch the 9pm show since it's the last 2 episodes but a part of me felt like going out to relax since it's a friday and i feel i should pamper myself after along weel in the office. so same as last week, i met my army friends guoli, siew hou and ziyang. i was supposed to go to guoli's cafe with sh but sh only finish work at 7 so i had about 1 hr to entertain myself. coincidentally, i met karen at bugis junction so we had dinner together with her birthday boy friend. i really can't stand it cos everyone around me seem to be speaking chinese and they somehow don't feel comfortable conversing in english. luckily for me, william and linda are ok with english. this is like the second time i celebrating a person's birthday without even knowing who the hell is he.. just like that time i went to zouk to celebrate that jojo's birthday, sometimes i feel very extra.. like why can't i find my own friends? i was too engrossed in my relationship when i was in ns that i forgotten all about social life except meeting apro gang once in a long while, and now she started to have a social life she finds out she doesn't need me.. it's at times like this you really have a good reason to blurt out a loud "what the fuck". at times i try to figure out whether the relationship was a mistake but after pondering for a short while i didn't bother to find the answer cos it's simply pointless. the girl i loved isn't who she used to be anymore. so i met up with gl and sh around 2100 at gl's cafe to try his coffee. a little bitter but better than nothing.. at least it's cheaper than starbucks, the seats are good and i don't have to fight for smoking tables.
when gl finished work we left for paradiz centre to play pool, while waiting for a table we played photo hunt, we actually got a free credit. every game is worth 2 credit, i guess the previous player didn't know that and played 1 only. i had to pick ziyang up from peace centre cos he didn't know where's paradiz. so suaku right.. smu student don't know where's paradiz when it's like 400m radius away from his campus. i think it's a great way to chill and catch up. with these army friends there's really nothing to hide cos they really know you inside out. well not really inside out, but they've seen the worse side of you so there's no problem talking about anything under the sun. ziyang broke up with his gf after ord, seldom hear that happen huh.. stating there was no time for each other, like in camp you have all the time in the world like that. i think he's probably stressed out with his studies that's why. i always thought they were very close and solid. i don't understand why these people give themselves so much pressure.. or is it the society forcing them to the corner? i remember he used to lend me his ears during ndp rehearsals when i just broke up with her, when i was wondering why the hell am i making such a big sacrifice for the sake of duty. come to think about it, it's better knowing her true colours sooner. i guess i'm not the only one having problems during the 5 weeks in roc. biao and dave teo also broke up with their gals during this period. if we can't even stand 5 weeks apart then what's the point of a relationship?
i wanted to meet her for a while on tuesday before i go for training. i called her and she said she was going to meet this guy called alvin from pil but i never seen him before and melvin don't know who is he. i finally met him yesterday when he was wearing the sma polo. the first thing that came into my mind when i saw him was.. why is she hanging out with these guys.. the way she says it thought they are like super happening kind of people, but what a disappointment it was, i don't see how much more happening they are than i am. he asked me if i knew ben, i told him i saw him before but dono him. at that moment i remembered that they are friends and she got introduced to him by ben. my temperature rose for a while when i realised it, these were the fuckers that she was hanging out with when i was away and going clubs with her making her do things she doesn't like. i didn't blew my top. he doesn't know i'm her ex ( i think) and he can't spoil our relationship if we really were that solid. she was just never ever sure about herself.
it's quite sad i'm always diverting my day's topic into this issue but i just can't help it. and now when i start thinking about it, i just don't have the mood to carry on typing.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
working life
just started my working life last monday, this is my first full time job. i have not been blogging for the past 1 week plus basically because i was just too tired and lazy to sit here and type grandmother story over here. at times i really want to go for a run after i come home but i just don't feel like it cos by the time i reach home is almost dinner time and i'm so hungry. tired as in not mentally tired but just feel lazy having being out the whole day since waking up at 7am and staring at the computer till my eyes feel tired.
i reported to work on monday, got a briefing from the HR department which is damn stupid then proceeded down to the liner division to meet my new colleagues. i must admit i was very nervous. it was ok cos around 80& of the colleagues are below 40 so they are quite young and most of them maximum early 30s. i mean right up to now, i must say there aren't any really hot girls but there are some quite sweet and decent type. haha what am i.. going to work or to see girls man. i think carey's pretty hot but i think she's almost 30. krystle is sweet but she has a bf.. kyuan shuan is sporty but abit big size! the problem is i think there is some sort of a communication barrier between me and them outside work cos these people are incorrigibly chinese speaking and we don't seem to have much topics to talk about.. i can't talk to them about work cos my service hasn't even started. i have lunch with melvin and his mgmt trainee friends most of the time but i can't really clique with them, probably due to the age difference and they don't even bother to get to know me. melvin is ok but i somehow feel i'm clinging to him and he feels obligated cos he's my "buddy".
back to work,i think the people over at pil are pretty nice and friendly though i'm starting to see the pattern of the office politics already. i used to play it quite well but i'm a changed person now.. i prefer to take the direct approach. i try to be sincere as much as i can hopefully people can see the good instead of the bad. william is a nice boss, i don't think he is a two headed snake. i've yet to see linda's character but i need her to teach me all the things about the trade. after entering, i realise i have quite a substantial amt of information at hand but it's not enough, it's just the surface and i really need to know my trade at the back of my hand. with no previous experience from everyone about the black sea, i have to be at the forefront of information to everyone else. the worst part is having to beg people to help you. it's really not ok when you think both of u are friends but when you need help they wouldn't want to help. take for example on tuesday my gryphon show broke so i needed to borrow a shoe to play. i asked cornelius to lend it to me but he turn me down straight.. i was fucking angry. i guess he knew it so he apologised to me, too late. he must have thought about it that's why he apologised so late, he could have just reasoned out with me immediately.
i feel the most happy this past 2 days having lunch w/o having to keep following melvin. yesterday went to celebrate krystle's birthday but that was cos i had no one to go with. i think she's really sweet but she's older than me. right now i feel like a sec 1 kid, everyone thinks i'm young and immature, i have to start growing up to show that i can do it. i enjoyed cos i was able to know more people in sean, yikai and weijye. though we didn't talk much but at least we know of each other's existence. today went with kenny, dongli and batchmates from the other class but we ended up only talking among ourselves. i really don't want to go so close to kenny phua but honestly there's no choice, he's the closest i know in pil. jamie is in acl and she's already an old bird there so she won't really bother about me. i must say she's looking really really hot now.. if she's single i don't know she'll be at the lips of how many men.
i called ying er last week and spoke to her online today. i realise as time passes by, i cannot bring myself to communicate with her anymore. she thinks she needs me cos she needs someone to listen to her whining, it's no difference of being made use of by emily. i realise some things really isn't worth pushing for. she has changed so much, i used to take care of her and teach her work when she has doubts and now just because she started work early she starts teaching me. i don't mind 2 way learning but she sounds authoritative. she has become more insensitive and proud. i don't know if this is true cos i don't know her anymore. this is the first time i actually spend time to know a person but within a few months i find out that i actually know nothing. i do know on the surface what she is like but deep down in her mind i'm at lost. she is a perfect example of a bird being able to fly when their wings grow. i didn't even feel like replying her cos her words did hurt me a little but at the end i was thinking why the fuck should i bother? we're now on 2 different platforms and i'm probably not good enough for her. her boss thinks highly of her and she has a wide network of friends.. i can definitely understand. honestly, the only way i think i can really push this burden aside is to totally break contact from her. i don't want to know what's going on with her life cos i know i'll just sit there and sulk about it.
i used to see us as a married couple with kids and going to the supermarket to buy groceries and cook dinner together.. and that was based on pure love and affection. towards the end, i see us quarreling about money and future because her mindset has changed and she's always been talking about money. right now, i don't even see a future..in fact i see us as strangers.
i reported to work on monday, got a briefing from the HR department which is damn stupid then proceeded down to the liner division to meet my new colleagues. i must admit i was very nervous. it was ok cos around 80& of the colleagues are below 40 so they are quite young and most of them maximum early 30s. i mean right up to now, i must say there aren't any really hot girls but there are some quite sweet and decent type. haha what am i.. going to work or to see girls man. i think carey's pretty hot but i think she's almost 30. krystle is sweet but she has a bf.. kyuan shuan is sporty but abit big size! the problem is i think there is some sort of a communication barrier between me and them outside work cos these people are incorrigibly chinese speaking and we don't seem to have much topics to talk about.. i can't talk to them about work cos my service hasn't even started. i have lunch with melvin and his mgmt trainee friends most of the time but i can't really clique with them, probably due to the age difference and they don't even bother to get to know me. melvin is ok but i somehow feel i'm clinging to him and he feels obligated cos he's my "buddy".
back to work,i think the people over at pil are pretty nice and friendly though i'm starting to see the pattern of the office politics already. i used to play it quite well but i'm a changed person now.. i prefer to take the direct approach. i try to be sincere as much as i can hopefully people can see the good instead of the bad. william is a nice boss, i don't think he is a two headed snake. i've yet to see linda's character but i need her to teach me all the things about the trade. after entering, i realise i have quite a substantial amt of information at hand but it's not enough, it's just the surface and i really need to know my trade at the back of my hand. with no previous experience from everyone about the black sea, i have to be at the forefront of information to everyone else. the worst part is having to beg people to help you. it's really not ok when you think both of u are friends but when you need help they wouldn't want to help. take for example on tuesday my gryphon show broke so i needed to borrow a shoe to play. i asked cornelius to lend it to me but he turn me down straight.. i was fucking angry. i guess he knew it so he apologised to me, too late. he must have thought about it that's why he apologised so late, he could have just reasoned out with me immediately.
i feel the most happy this past 2 days having lunch w/o having to keep following melvin. yesterday went to celebrate krystle's birthday but that was cos i had no one to go with. i think she's really sweet but she's older than me. right now i feel like a sec 1 kid, everyone thinks i'm young and immature, i have to start growing up to show that i can do it. i enjoyed cos i was able to know more people in sean, yikai and weijye. though we didn't talk much but at least we know of each other's existence. today went with kenny, dongli and batchmates from the other class but we ended up only talking among ourselves. i really don't want to go so close to kenny phua but honestly there's no choice, he's the closest i know in pil. jamie is in acl and she's already an old bird there so she won't really bother about me. i must say she's looking really really hot now.. if she's single i don't know she'll be at the lips of how many men.
i called ying er last week and spoke to her online today. i realise as time passes by, i cannot bring myself to communicate with her anymore. she thinks she needs me cos she needs someone to listen to her whining, it's no difference of being made use of by emily. i realise some things really isn't worth pushing for. she has changed so much, i used to take care of her and teach her work when she has doubts and now just because she started work early she starts teaching me. i don't mind 2 way learning but she sounds authoritative. she has become more insensitive and proud. i don't know if this is true cos i don't know her anymore. this is the first time i actually spend time to know a person but within a few months i find out that i actually know nothing. i do know on the surface what she is like but deep down in her mind i'm at lost. she is a perfect example of a bird being able to fly when their wings grow. i didn't even feel like replying her cos her words did hurt me a little but at the end i was thinking why the fuck should i bother? we're now on 2 different platforms and i'm probably not good enough for her. her boss thinks highly of her and she has a wide network of friends.. i can definitely understand. honestly, the only way i think i can really push this burden aside is to totally break contact from her. i don't want to know what's going on with her life cos i know i'll just sit there and sulk about it.
i used to see us as a married couple with kids and going to the supermarket to buy groceries and cook dinner together.. and that was based on pure love and affection. towards the end, i see us quarreling about money and future because her mindset has changed and she's always been talking about money. right now, i don't even see a future..in fact i see us as strangers.
Monday, October 1, 2007
scc 6s
i spent fri-sun totally busy and shagged out with hockey and entertainment, didn't really see my home at all, at least didn't have people to nag at me..haha. friday we had interport agst royal bangkok sports club, they were an easy team so we won 3-0. me, jonathan, ashwin just went there to warm up and get used to the pitch for the scc 6s on the weekend. we had drinks and dinner at night and made some friends along the way with the thai team.. even got to know LTC Bromwich. i couldn't join them at dxo cos i was in shorts and needed to rest for the next day, i'll be playing the whole day.
saturday- it was a great day, i finally have the privilege to play in the 6s this year, at last not a helper anymore. but i think i'm really there just to make up the numbers cos the seniors don't wanna play.. feel kinda sad too but my main concern was to get attention from val. i thought i could do smtg but i'm just a complete failure, i never had a chance to do it. i just couldn't find the chance to get close to her, and i didn't even had a good excuse to cos the tp ppl were always around her and i don't want to arouse suspicion until i'm confident about it. i was so disheartened when i didn't see her in the morning, i was so sure she would be there cos she is part of the committee. just when i thought i was wrong she appeared, i couldn't believe it but she didn't say hi to me but sean. how did they even get to know each other when i don't even know her. i was so happy when she asked me if i wanted ice cream but too bad i was in the middle of a game. however, when i went to buy it she was busy with some other stuff i didn't even get to see her face. damn! is it because fate isn't on my side? i sat far away from her during dinner, i thought all of them were going to zouk so i went along, with the reason that she'll be there and also cos i promised bromwich that i'll be there. sadly, she didn't go. i wasted my cash on zouk that i stayed for just 1.5hrs in. when i was in the bus i was still fantasizing about how we'll sit by the padang watching sunset..sigh. i thought sunday she'll turn up but again it was false hopes. this time i really won;t have a chance anymore unless she does turn up next sat to watch my semis. i really hope to have her support.
saturday- it was a great day, i finally have the privilege to play in the 6s this year, at last not a helper anymore. but i think i'm really there just to make up the numbers cos the seniors don't wanna play.. feel kinda sad too but my main concern was to get attention from val. i thought i could do smtg but i'm just a complete failure, i never had a chance to do it. i just couldn't find the chance to get close to her, and i didn't even had a good excuse to cos the tp ppl were always around her and i don't want to arouse suspicion until i'm confident about it. i was so disheartened when i didn't see her in the morning, i was so sure she would be there cos she is part of the committee. just when i thought i was wrong she appeared, i couldn't believe it but she didn't say hi to me but sean. how did they even get to know each other when i don't even know her. i was so happy when she asked me if i wanted ice cream but too bad i was in the middle of a game. however, when i went to buy it she was busy with some other stuff i didn't even get to see her face. damn! is it because fate isn't on my side? i sat far away from her during dinner, i thought all of them were going to zouk so i went along, with the reason that she'll be there and also cos i promised bromwich that i'll be there. sadly, she didn't go. i wasted my cash on zouk that i stayed for just 1.5hrs in. when i was in the bus i was still fantasizing about how we'll sit by the padang watching sunset..sigh. i thought sunday she'll turn up but again it was false hopes. this time i really won;t have a chance anymore unless she does turn up next sat to watch my semis. i really hope to have her support.
Monday, September 24, 2007
meet up with wc and sc
went down to pil at 11am to sign the letter of appointment. erica was there to brief me on the terms and etc.. aiyah actually also nothing much to brief about, it's all very basic employment conditions. i think i'm gonna downgrade her from very attractive to quite attractive..haha. after signing, i went down to ocean towers to do my medical check up. i don't think the doctor there is very professional loh.. they r more of businessman than doctors. it's like they only do private consultation for staff of companies, just imagine such a big company like pil every single staff is entitled to this clinic confirm will have a lot of business. went down to somerset to do my x-ray, very fast i was done within 15 min. just nice wc and sc were meeting today to go town so we met up for lunch and cs. i don't think i got another chance to meet them on a weekday afternoon anymore. sometimes it's good to be out on a weekday cos there's a smaller crowd in town and you can do your shopping slowly. we had lunch at mac, i felt kind of bad talking about roy in front of wc, but i just really can't stand him and the way he keeps pushing me for the job and the way he handles jy's case. we proceeded to paradiz to play lan.. we started off with cs then played heroes 6, i must say i really suck at that game, though i slowly got the hung of it i still sucked, it's confusing. i prefer cs just shoot and the guy dies, and it helps with some military knowledge. after knowing how much i sucked at heroes, we switched to play the cs pool map. i love that map, damn fun.. i set expert difficulty and 8 enemies, there was this point we can't even go out and shoot if not we'll surely die. our master plan was to each camp at the toilet cubicle and shoot anyone in sight, and it works! it sounds stupid but it's a lot of fun.
left at around 5.30pm to meet my family for dinner. we had dinner at waraku@katong. after that went to visit grandma at the hospital. i also don't know she was admitted till dad told me on sunday but that was when she wasn't at home for a few days already. i heard it's something to do with her stomach digestive system but i don't know what exactly is the problem. the doctor wants to speak to her children personally, honestly i think it should be pretty bad news especially given her old age. the worst thing is she still thinks she's ok. it's damn funny everyone's main purpose of going to the hospital was to visit her but all ended up talking among themselves in english like some sort of cny gathering, she felt kind of left out. oh well there's nothing i can do. so fast.. i'll be starting work next monday.. no more late nights in front of the tv!
left at around 5.30pm to meet my family for dinner. we had dinner at waraku@katong. after that went to visit grandma at the hospital. i also don't know she was admitted till dad told me on sunday but that was when she wasn't at home for a few days already. i heard it's something to do with her stomach digestive system but i don't know what exactly is the problem. the doctor wants to speak to her children personally, honestly i think it should be pretty bad news especially given her old age. the worst thing is she still thinks she's ok. it's damn funny everyone's main purpose of going to the hospital was to visit her but all ended up talking among themselves in english like some sort of cny gathering, she felt kind of left out. oh well there's nothing i can do. so fast.. i'll be starting work next monday.. no more late nights in front of the tv!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
another lost
didn't sleep well last night.. was thinking abt her the whole night, what's wrong with me. went to cdc after lunch, i kana the 10th mono scout as instructor again, i feel comfortable with him and driving on weekends feels more relaxed, less cars and the instructors wearing polo tee also makes the atmosphere more relaxing. we went through 4 test routes today, just nice i'm able to do the last 3 the next lesson. but i don't even know when is my next lesson, more than 1 mth away.. hahah!
had a 1930 game against khalsa today, lost to them 3-0 again, we played well but mistakes made them look good. lucky ashwin came back today so we have 11.. and more penetration up front. i played at right back the whole game, somehow i perform better at the back this season, i can't play forward against younger teams, they're much faster than me. i think i played quite well just that second goal i didn't put my stick down resulting in the goal. thinking of which i probably should have stick with the man instead eh.. if the keeper didn't kick it straight at him it would be another story. my hitting was terrible today, i only hit twice today and i missed both, sheesh. there was this one time this guy tried to jinx the ball over my stick when we going for a 50-50 ball, i stopped it with my stick slightly above the ground, experience counts! other than that, i really never ran so much throughout the whole season before man.. usually at forward i won't even receive the ball, at the back u need to follow the speed of the player.. good workout today. maxi brought his half thai half english girl to watch the game, i would be embarrassed if i were him. but thank god she isn't singaporean so can't really call her a spg. i was really hoping to see val today but too bad she didn't come, i also knew she wouldn't lah.. she come for what.
sian tomorrow need to go down to pil to sign the appointment letter, after that get present for mum. i wanted to go down for tp training tml but they're having dinner out. i just want to knock about preparing for my semis but they didn't seem happy cos sunday to tues i'll be playing hockey. if i play tml.. i'll be playing on mon, tue, thur, fri, sat, sun. 6 times a week! kevin told me he is still considering putting me in the scc 6s, i'm really crossing my fingers to break into the squad.
had a 1930 game against khalsa today, lost to them 3-0 again, we played well but mistakes made them look good. lucky ashwin came back today so we have 11.. and more penetration up front. i played at right back the whole game, somehow i perform better at the back this season, i can't play forward against younger teams, they're much faster than me. i think i played quite well just that second goal i didn't put my stick down resulting in the goal. thinking of which i probably should have stick with the man instead eh.. if the keeper didn't kick it straight at him it would be another story. my hitting was terrible today, i only hit twice today and i missed both, sheesh. there was this one time this guy tried to jinx the ball over my stick when we going for a 50-50 ball, i stopped it with my stick slightly above the ground, experience counts! other than that, i really never ran so much throughout the whole season before man.. usually at forward i won't even receive the ball, at the back u need to follow the speed of the player.. good workout today. maxi brought his half thai half english girl to watch the game, i would be embarrassed if i were him. but thank god she isn't singaporean so can't really call her a spg. i was really hoping to see val today but too bad she didn't come, i also knew she wouldn't lah.. she come for what.
sian tomorrow need to go down to pil to sign the appointment letter, after that get present for mum. i wanted to go down for tp training tml but they're having dinner out. i just want to knock about preparing for my semis but they didn't seem happy cos sunday to tues i'll be playing hockey. if i play tml.. i'll be playing on mon, tue, thur, fri, sat, sun. 6 times a week! kevin told me he is still considering putting me in the scc 6s, i'm really crossing my fingers to break into the squad.
roasted
had a 1530 game agst ntu today, i don't know why these past few days i've been rather stressed to perform in preparation for the semis not realising i have still 2 weeks to go. i underestimated ntu, thinking we're able to gain an easy victory over them, i was wrong, we lost 4-2. my flu was taking effect especially playing at such heat, i never felt so hot inside before man, somemore ntu was a side that runs alot. once again, we didn't have a full squad and played with only 10 men. i couldn't go to the bench. i just couldn't sprint and couldn't perform. when the wind blew, i felt cold, shrugs. midway through the first half, danker swapped me with richard. i felt better at left back, not needing to do much running, and ntu being a more predictable unit. i think we have a real big problem with our attack but kevin never addresses the problem as a whole. i don't think it's a problem with the forwards cos we have been finding space, but it's just that danker's passes are either too hard or we don't even know where he's passing. even if he passes to the halfs (maxi, bernard). i just refuse to pass. maxi will be in his on world trying to get the ball out of the area and somehow lose it, bernard will try to beat one player, sees another in front and tries to beat him too.. so we run for nothing. the consolation was at least our 2 goals were from short corners, at least showing short corners do help. i did a pretty good job in defence, but my problem of concentration always comes in, leading to the last 2 goals. perhaps the last goal wasn't my fault, it's true it was into space but it was slow enough for tobey to run and catch it. whatever, just concentrate on tml's game and the semis.
it was the premier men and women's final. a number of tp players were here to watch. valarie was here, i finally saw her and she looks better than i thought. we smiled at each other, i really really wanted to talk to her but i was just too shy. i can't stop looking at her. i could have sat with the tp ppl at one table but i chose to sit with jonathan and wanting, playing gooseberry. i don't really want to sit with them cos i'm not even in tp and i'm not close to richard and jeremiah. i asked jeremiah if he could go to weston with me tml to look at sticks, he just said that he had church from morning till the game, wah it's like 10 over hours, dowanna go then say so lah. i mean we're still friends what. valarie tried to talk to me a little but i was quite nonchalant in answering, i'm really kicking my own ass right now.. sigh. i guess it's just not the right moment, and i don't even have her number. the best time i guess should be during the 6s, which i'll be playing and hopefully will get some attention..haha.
i was tired, probably due to the hot weather and medicine. i just couldn't sleep, subconsciously i'll think of val and got a bad headache in the middle of the night. i don't know what is it that drives me crazy but i know this time if i don't try i'll definitely regret. 6s.. my best bet!
it was the premier men and women's final. a number of tp players were here to watch. valarie was here, i finally saw her and she looks better than i thought. we smiled at each other, i really really wanted to talk to her but i was just too shy. i can't stop looking at her. i could have sat with the tp ppl at one table but i chose to sit with jonathan and wanting, playing gooseberry. i don't really want to sit with them cos i'm not even in tp and i'm not close to richard and jeremiah. i asked jeremiah if he could go to weston with me tml to look at sticks, he just said that he had church from morning till the game, wah it's like 10 over hours, dowanna go then say so lah. i mean we're still friends what. valarie tried to talk to me a little but i was quite nonchalant in answering, i'm really kicking my own ass right now.. sigh. i guess it's just not the right moment, and i don't even have her number. the best time i guess should be during the 6s, which i'll be playing and hopefully will get some attention..haha.
i was tired, probably due to the hot weather and medicine. i just couldn't sleep, subconsciously i'll think of val and got a bad headache in the middle of the night. i don't know what is it that drives me crazy but i know this time if i don't try i'll definitely regret. 6s.. my best bet!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
i'm falling sick
gosh help me.. i'm falling sick, my block nose is getting from bad to worse guess i really need to visit the doctor tml. and the worse thing is i got 2 matches this weekend and i wanna go for tp training tml, to see the girls haha. i think i'm starting to like valerie though i've only spoke a little to her during the pimp night, but i really find her cute and pretty although she's short. but of cos, i still can't forget belle. i mean right now, i really enjoy spending time with her. why is that when we're together we never got to do the things we want to do together? maybe cos i was still in ns and time is precious. we wanted to go to the old man's restaurant ages ago but only got a chance to after we broke up. this friday we're going to chinese garden for lantern festival for the first time.
i went for cma cgm interview this morning, spoke to the agm abt the logistics position. it isn't so bad as i thought it was, it isn't entirely out of shipping, still a part of it. the only regret is i put my salary is 1.6k..shit man i really dono which job suits me. oh well don't hold too much hope till pil get back to me then i'm at the bargaining end. and it's pretty far, need to take a bus from harbourfront, but i think got shuttle svc. supposed to meet kimy for lunch but she forgotten all about it, so i went to weston to look at the hockey sticks, man they r so expensive i think i have to spend at $200 on a stick. in the end, i met belle for lunch, we went to eat the wanton mee and then walk around cold storage for the remaining 25min. i guess we really like each other's company now and i do cherish the moments when i'm with her, maybe cos we don't meet often so we have a lot to talk about. sigh, but i don't think we'll ever be together again. if it's only about us i can change but it's also about my family so things are pretty complicated.
i had sometime to spare before driving lesson so i hung around orchard library and borrowed a clive cussler book, it's been i think 2 years since i read his book already. i totally stopped reading after i enlisted, mostly just economist during the 1st year and some army books after that. i revised my test routes today, things went on quite well but i think i'll fail cos of careless mistakes if this was a test. i like this instructor, soft spoken so i won't feel stressed. this is like the 3rd time i kana him in the last 5 times.
really hope i'm in good condition to play this weekend. i need to train myself for the semis, gain back sharpness and score some goals to maintain some momentum so that i'll peak in time.
i went for cma cgm interview this morning, spoke to the agm abt the logistics position. it isn't so bad as i thought it was, it isn't entirely out of shipping, still a part of it. the only regret is i put my salary is 1.6k..shit man i really dono which job suits me. oh well don't hold too much hope till pil get back to me then i'm at the bargaining end. and it's pretty far, need to take a bus from harbourfront, but i think got shuttle svc. supposed to meet kimy for lunch but she forgotten all about it, so i went to weston to look at the hockey sticks, man they r so expensive i think i have to spend at $200 on a stick. in the end, i met belle for lunch, we went to eat the wanton mee and then walk around cold storage for the remaining 25min. i guess we really like each other's company now and i do cherish the moments when i'm with her, maybe cos we don't meet often so we have a lot to talk about. sigh, but i don't think we'll ever be together again. if it's only about us i can change but it's also about my family so things are pretty complicated.
i had sometime to spare before driving lesson so i hung around orchard library and borrowed a clive cussler book, it's been i think 2 years since i read his book already. i totally stopped reading after i enlisted, mostly just economist during the 1st year and some army books after that. i revised my test routes today, things went on quite well but i think i'll fail cos of careless mistakes if this was a test. i like this instructor, soft spoken so i won't feel stressed. this is like the 3rd time i kana him in the last 5 times.
really hope i'm in good condition to play this weekend. i need to train myself for the semis, gain back sharpness and score some goals to maintain some momentum so that i'll peak in time.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
if only i can hold you again
i've been so busy writing up the entry for the ns journey that i have not blogged for a week man. last weekend was pretty ok.. had match on both days. we lost to csc 5-1 and then beat ora 8-0 on sunday. the csc game was crap, i hate those csc players.. fucking mats. kevin told everyone the wrong timing.. it was supposed to be 1500 game but he told us 1530. i called him at 1445, and he had to quickly inform the players quickly, like mobilisation sia. we started off with 9 men, holding them well for 25min then tobey scored an own goal, it was unlucky but i hoped that would at least shut his gab. i was playing center half with danker, wasn't very tiring since we just played in our own half most of the time.. there were no forwards. we played smart hockey, compacting the middle and forcing them to hit lousy balls to the forwards. too bad, we conceded another 2 goals within 30sec.. and we totally lost the game.
the ora game was a very easy one as they were without their main man, there was really anyone that could control their team. it was a far cry from the narrow 1-0 win we had on the first leg. kong scored first from a short corner.. then daniel and jeremy made it 3-0. we were at least making use of our chances. when i went in at the first half.. i missed a couple of good chances. second half was ok.. we scored 2 and i was involved in both... constructing one and scoring another.
went for pil interview on fri. i was late for 3 min man.. i was rushing like mad, everything wasn't going well. first, i was supposed to be on time there at 1045.. but i needed to pee urgently and the station's toilet was under renovation. so i went to international plaza, and i couldn't find theirs too cos the whole bloody building is renovating. so i had to walk all the way to the other side of tanjong pagar mrt to the cecil st exit. my directions was to walk opposite the traffic direction to pil building but when i did i ended up at anson road, lucky i used to work here so i know it was wrong. so i had to call them for directions but it wasn't clear, it sounds so cheem. in the end i did find it after much hassle and thanks to my fast march experience i wasn't very late but i was sweating like mad in my office attire. thankfully, i found a toilet there. i went into the hr dept, a young lady named erica greeted me, wow she's really hot.. well a lil thin but pretty. she was the one who gave me directions.. man if only i knew that was her. when i saw her, it was like instant attraction. if i do get that job, i would really love to date her. but the sad thing is, she wasn't the one who interviewed me. daphne came in and asked me a whole lot of questions.. basically knowing me inside out. gosh this was worse than ocean tankers.. at least she brought the relevant dept heads to see me too. then came linda, the asst trade manager.. gosh what a fat bitch. she kept putting me down and stuff.. telling me that i'm very active and the job is 100% deskbound and gonna be boring for me. i'm like duh.. of cos i know it.. then what you expect all office workers to be boring is it? after that then she say, of cos we are not saying we want a totally boring person for the job, we are also active. fuck man then you talk so much cock to me for what. and i thought her crap was over.. she called the trade manager over and he asked me all the same questions again.. fucking cheebye.. why don't you guys come together.. and that linda also never tell him that she ask already. that linda like very serious like that then suddenly when william come she cock so much. somemore they can laugh among themselves, i mean i'm the interviewee? i just heard from leonard that that boon jun is working at pil too. i pray and hope we're not in the same department.. i avoided him in camp and hoped so much we won't work together.. leave this to fate huh.
later at night, i went to indoor stadium to watch the international muay thai championships. some of the platoon were there to support ah biao. he was the better fighter, unfortunately the judges kayu didn't let him win. hard luck. ps was there too.. he bought a powerboat!! hahaa damn funny. i asked him if he took his ppcdl.. this was how the conversation gone..
me: so u took ur ppcdl oredi?
ps: yah i taking now.. got 1 theory 2 prac..i pass the theory already. but i tell u ah drive boat different from car, normal drive can but parking damn jialat one. that time i try to park the boat ah.. i go go go then langar the side!
me,mac,sh: hahahhaa langar!!
we had supper at bedok 85 courtesy to kg and sy's vehicles. this would probably the last time we meet for a long time.
went out with her today again. we planned to go chinese garden to see the lantern festival thing. after planning it i kind of had second thoughts cos we shouldn't be meeting so often. she bought inez birthday present.. the creative zen stone. we went to outback steakhouse to try the thunder from downunder.. ok only lah. it was brownie with vanilla ice cream. took a train to tiong bahru to catch evan almighty, at last just before it finishes. the cinema was cold.. i really felt like holding her hand, but i didn't. we went to clarke quay to walk walk and see the lantern festival celebrations. it was raining so we walked around central. as we walked i thought, maybe she would relive her feelings for me. but i straight away dismissed that thought, i remembered when she said she wanted someone she cannot live without, someone stable.. both of which i don't suit at all. i felt so lousy about myself.. i asked myself why the hell am i even out with her.. why am i still so close? i don't even stand a chance..once she has someone else all this will change. as the song goes.. love just ain't enough. i have to move on.. but how can i.. my heart hurts. the woman i'm walking side by side with, we used to hold hands.. i would kiss her whenever i feel like it, but now i can just kiss my sorry ass. if it was before, we would be so happy having such a romantic night out. it was a cold night, and i would hold her. i miss her.. i really do. she put her head on my shoulder in the train. i wanted to hold her hand to keep her warm, i didn't do it. i just didn't have the balls to. i have no answer to why she put her head on my shoulder, didn't bother to seek for it. i told myself probably i should hug her when i see her to the gate, she just said bye and left, her eyes told me she just wanna sleep. it just wasn't right, we are really just friends. oh well, even if i had a stable career already and she comes back to me.. should i even give it a go? this isn't how love works.. it's unconditional. i love her but she loved me. she changed.. i didn't. if there's anything harder to understand other than rocket science, it's human relationships.
the ora game was a very easy one as they were without their main man, there was really anyone that could control their team. it was a far cry from the narrow 1-0 win we had on the first leg. kong scored first from a short corner.. then daniel and jeremy made it 3-0. we were at least making use of our chances. when i went in at the first half.. i missed a couple of good chances. second half was ok.. we scored 2 and i was involved in both... constructing one and scoring another.
went for pil interview on fri. i was late for 3 min man.. i was rushing like mad, everything wasn't going well. first, i was supposed to be on time there at 1045.. but i needed to pee urgently and the station's toilet was under renovation. so i went to international plaza, and i couldn't find theirs too cos the whole bloody building is renovating. so i had to walk all the way to the other side of tanjong pagar mrt to the cecil st exit. my directions was to walk opposite the traffic direction to pil building but when i did i ended up at anson road, lucky i used to work here so i know it was wrong. so i had to call them for directions but it wasn't clear, it sounds so cheem. in the end i did find it after much hassle and thanks to my fast march experience i wasn't very late but i was sweating like mad in my office attire. thankfully, i found a toilet there. i went into the hr dept, a young lady named erica greeted me, wow she's really hot.. well a lil thin but pretty. she was the one who gave me directions.. man if only i knew that was her. when i saw her, it was like instant attraction. if i do get that job, i would really love to date her. but the sad thing is, she wasn't the one who interviewed me. daphne came in and asked me a whole lot of questions.. basically knowing me inside out. gosh this was worse than ocean tankers.. at least she brought the relevant dept heads to see me too. then came linda, the asst trade manager.. gosh what a fat bitch. she kept putting me down and stuff.. telling me that i'm very active and the job is 100% deskbound and gonna be boring for me. i'm like duh.. of cos i know it.. then what you expect all office workers to be boring is it? after that then she say, of cos we are not saying we want a totally boring person for the job, we are also active. fuck man then you talk so much cock to me for what. and i thought her crap was over.. she called the trade manager over and he asked me all the same questions again.. fucking cheebye.. why don't you guys come together.. and that linda also never tell him that she ask already. that linda like very serious like that then suddenly when william come she cock so much. somemore they can laugh among themselves, i mean i'm the interviewee? i just heard from leonard that that boon jun is working at pil too. i pray and hope we're not in the same department.. i avoided him in camp and hoped so much we won't work together.. leave this to fate huh.
later at night, i went to indoor stadium to watch the international muay thai championships. some of the platoon were there to support ah biao. he was the better fighter, unfortunately the judges kayu didn't let him win. hard luck. ps was there too.. he bought a powerboat!! hahaa damn funny. i asked him if he took his ppcdl.. this was how the conversation gone..
me: so u took ur ppcdl oredi?
ps: yah i taking now.. got 1 theory 2 prac..i pass the theory already. but i tell u ah drive boat different from car, normal drive can but parking damn jialat one. that time i try to park the boat ah.. i go go go then langar the side!
me,mac,sh: hahahhaa langar!!
we had supper at bedok 85 courtesy to kg and sy's vehicles. this would probably the last time we meet for a long time.
went out with her today again. we planned to go chinese garden to see the lantern festival thing. after planning it i kind of had second thoughts cos we shouldn't be meeting so often. she bought inez birthday present.. the creative zen stone. we went to outback steakhouse to try the thunder from downunder.. ok only lah. it was brownie with vanilla ice cream. took a train to tiong bahru to catch evan almighty, at last just before it finishes. the cinema was cold.. i really felt like holding her hand, but i didn't. we went to clarke quay to walk walk and see the lantern festival celebrations. it was raining so we walked around central. as we walked i thought, maybe she would relive her feelings for me. but i straight away dismissed that thought, i remembered when she said she wanted someone she cannot live without, someone stable.. both of which i don't suit at all. i felt so lousy about myself.. i asked myself why the hell am i even out with her.. why am i still so close? i don't even stand a chance..once she has someone else all this will change. as the song goes.. love just ain't enough. i have to move on.. but how can i.. my heart hurts. the woman i'm walking side by side with, we used to hold hands.. i would kiss her whenever i feel like it, but now i can just kiss my sorry ass. if it was before, we would be so happy having such a romantic night out. it was a cold night, and i would hold her. i miss her.. i really do. she put her head on my shoulder in the train. i wanted to hold her hand to keep her warm, i didn't do it. i just didn't have the balls to. i have no answer to why she put her head on my shoulder, didn't bother to seek for it. i told myself probably i should hug her when i see her to the gate, she just said bye and left, her eyes told me she just wanna sleep. it just wasn't right, we are really just friends. oh well, even if i had a stable career already and she comes back to me.. should i even give it a go? this isn't how love works.. it's unconditional. i love her but she loved me. she changed.. i didn't. if there's anything harder to understand other than rocket science, it's human relationships.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
NS Recollections
Time flies, 2 years have come and gone. during this time, a lot of changes have happened. my girlfriend has left me, my buddy has left the world, i have changed personally. thinking back, i never regretted my time spent serving the country, it has been a very meaningful experience. i have seen many kinds of people.. geeks, ah bengs who changed, ah bengs who never change, uneducated but nice people, kind, etc and i made some good friends. i just feel like expressing my thoughts on this 2 years.. it was big sacrifice nonetheless but it's all worth it. here are the profiles of the different men from my platoon whom i spent 1.5 yrs with.. some i don't want to mention cos i don wanna waste my time on them or am not close.
Kang Guan- knew him since day 1.. once from the MO club, who would expect he would get ippt gold? always has a very exaggerating reaction. conservative fella.. don't like people to act gay or pinch his nipples.. haha
Weicai - knew him from the recce interview in bmt. initially i thought he was some mr nice guy.. like quite polite ah.. but he turned out to be retarded!! hahaha. the joker of the platoon.. never fails to amuse people with his crazy antics. very fit also.. always the clear ippt and soc at the first try while i keep on going at it.
Ah Lum - mr holy holy. he has been devotionally writing his revelation and reading his bible every single day we're in camp. sometimes when he's pissed he'll still give u a politically neutral answer, it's ok i know sometimes u just wanna say.. "who the fuck he think he is?!" but u can't. a very fast runner too.. 2.4km i tink 9.2 min.. very impressive.
Seng Choong - i thought he was ok but he turned out to be so gayish.. and he just got worser as each day passes. he needs weicai in his life. he walks kinda gay, start buying purple t-shirt and he's got weak lungs! but nvm lah get used to it. nonetheless, a pretty helpful friend. it's just that, i still don't understand how he thinks.
Mingjie - a perfect make of a smart person.. cos all the smart alecs are weird. this guy is so slim he hide in between the locker and the bed u can't even see him.. like ju-on. he never fail to surprise you with his actions. at one point he may be sleeping, the next he'll just wake up and whack you. he's a pro at ignoring people he dislikes.
Yew Yee - this guy is a perfect example of comic overdose. spends all his time and money on the weekends on comics.. and he brings 8 books to camp to read every week.. just imagine his collection at home. he behaves like a.. gentle giant from some kids educational programme. he is one of those whoz fitness just suddenly improved.
Jenn Yueh - classic ancient china hero. i really respect him from the bottom of my heart.. cos he's so thrifty.. he can resist all sorts of temptation, even at taiwan he spends minimal. he is a very upright person, never willing to report sick or fall out cos he believes he has a role to play in the team. can't tell from his look, he loves wwe and he loves parade just like me. he's in love with the contingent sm from the police goh at ndp 07.
Macwyn - i thought weicai was easy to bully. he's even easier, that's why everyone bullies him.. except me..haha. he's like me, like to try new things.. adventurous. he's got a lot of weird board games at home. i'm still baffled how he can do some many chin ups.
Guoli - he's really good in chinese.. but he's not a chinaman like golfer.. he speaks not bad english. he's a one woman man..but too bad the woman don't appreciate him. happy go lucky kind of person.. never really see him stressed out about anything. fun to be around with, i sat that u-shaped rollercoaster with him twice!
Eric- i don't understand how his mind works. i know he can be playing game for the whole day. he would borrow psp or ds from others and play the night through while everyone is sleeping.. amazing.
Shuyu- a neutral person but quite suay cos he always get accused for cao geng. he has a good attitude, training himself.. achieving a silver in the end.. he was a zero fighter when he came in i think.
Ziyang- he's a obedient and nice goat..hahha. he always complains but never do anything in the end. he's a good listening ear when u need him though he isn't of much help.
Biao- my smoking kaki outfield and in camp. i forgot how many sticks have i given to him.. but ok lah i'm not so calculative. very fit guy.. motivates the people around him to improve their fitness. he's got this amazing ability to remember routes. i think not many people has really seen him shag.. but i have..haha.
Siew Hou- the shortest man of the platoon yet the oldest..what irony. he's also a fast runner. he's a pretty serious guy.. cannot play those physical jokes with him wan.. at least he has a strong passion for something.. and that is cars.
Boys to Men
10th September 2005- d-day for me as i was due for enlistment. i didn't know what to expect as i have never undergone regimentation in my entire life. i joined scouts and sjab in my primary and secondary school respectively but i quit within 3 months because i couldn't take the regimentation and i was not made for such hands on stuff. it was a saturday afternoon, i had all my daily necessities ready.. alarm clock, underwear, sleeping attire and some stuff i bought from beach rd which would seem useless afterwards. i had kuay chap with mum,dad,popo at macpherson.. i remember the clock seemingly ticking so fast.. i would be away for 2 weeks. i wore my esprit jeans and adidas bag and reported to safft. i remember politely asking some sergeant something and he was so guai lan towards me can, i didn't dare say anything, i was just a recruit.
i still remember vividly on this day today, 9th sept, ying er was still in school. she just suddenly messaged me in the afternoon telling me she wants to see me after school cos i'm gonna be away for 2 weeks. i've already spent almost everyday with her one week prior to enlistment and also on the 8th, she cried. it just feels nice to be loved like that, unfortunately 1 year plus later it would not be the same scenario, being away for 5 weeks and not even half of that urgency. maybe i just dwell too much in the past but i think the past are important reflections of what we are today. so as i said in my earlier entry, i got cheated of my pink ic and to the audit for oath taking. i was with amos, hardly the company you will want but no choice, he's the only person familiar around there. i met kang guan at the audit, we exchanged a few words but later on he was posted to another platoon. haha maybe it's fate, it the end we still land up in 1 SIR scout platoon. after the meal with my parents, 1SG Didicazli brought us to get our duffel bags and boots. it was so ding dei.. imagine climbing up 3 storeys with civilian bag on my arm, duffel bag on the other and boots on the hand. 1SG Didi was already starting to clear his leave, he's handing over his duties to chung.. imagine when you just enlisted and you have to contemplate with the sight of someone going to ord.. it sucks! 3SG Chung went through the list of things that we are suppose to have. all of us had a blur look on our faces, who would know what's a toggle rope, L-torch, sbo, No.4., admin attire for a normal layman like us, we'll just know them as rope, torch light, that bag which looks like a vest, green uniform, army t-shirt. sometimes i really don't understand why saf must make those things sound so cheem. a very good example is ASA (administrative support asst) and logistics asst. what the hell clerk means clerk lah.. storeman means storeman.. need to name until so nice meh? anyway, for 3 months i'll go through thick and thin with this hawk platoon 3 section 3.
the confinement weeks were hell, we did mostly PT focussing on agr and strength training to build up our fitness. we were always punished because of some cocksters in the platoon that were uncooperative and did a lot of push ups. of course, the only people you can really count on during these hard times were your section mates. i remember being closer to ivan and rudy in the beginning to discuss about our girlfriends. it was always good to talk about such things to divert your mind away from military life. i was in culture shock, there were a lot of military jargons to learn, i had to learn tying knots, handling straps, taking instructions and not having a say in it though i know it's stupid, sweating it out in the sun and then rushing to quickly change into no.4 for some talk without bathing. it was hard, but we learn to pull through. each day, we sing songs to count down our time to our first book out. we had to earn it, chin ups before every meal. i really sucked, i was the worse, i went in as zero fighter and i think only after 1 month i managed to pull 1. subsequently, i managed to pull 4 standard ones by pop. i missed home dearly, during the 1st week i almost cried when i spoke to my family and belle. i missed belle a lot, it was only through my ns did i started to cherish her.. of course i hoped it wasn't too late. i would message her early in the morning when i wake up at 0530 before training to tell her how much i missed her. i would sms her whenever i can in the day and never fail to call her at 2130 and talk till 1030 when lights out. i loved her, she was understanding towards my service and knew i didn't choose to be here rather than spending time with her. she knew whatever time i had i would spend it with her, even on weekends. we hardly quarreled, most of the time just consoling her cos she missed me too much. i felt she was different, unlike other girls who run away with other guys when their bf is in camp. she was my pillar of strength, the only drive to keep me going during my route marches, even in unit, when i'm worn out and feel like giving up.. i would think about her.. erasing my tiredness.. just telling myself to walk faster, "the faster i finish this, the faster i'll get to book out and meet her".
i remember meeting her on my first book out. i so missed holding her. that day, i pampered myself by going to andersens at suntec to enjoy some ice cream. she had the brownie and i think i had banana split. she cried again when i needed to book in, already spending maximum time with her was not enough but there was nothing i can do. every week was like this, she would come over to my place and take a bus from pasir ris interchange, by the time she reach home was probably 9pm.
7 days field camp made things worse. no handphones were allowed so i was not even allowed to call her for 7 days. i remember having to spend my 1st anniversary in the field, not even allowed to sms her. the weekend before that was hari raya, we celebrated our anniversary in advance. we had lunch at far east. i bought her a fossil watch. she bought me a nike jersey, nike cap and adidas perfume. the first time out in the field was terrible, it was raining for a few nights that even our basha was of no use, water started to seep in and our uniform were all wet. alex and i were cursing inside. alex was great, i liked him, he could work but never does extra stuff. although we were all tired, we worked together fast to build our basha quick so that we can settle down quicker. we had section trainings, arty training and concealment. another good friend was zhenhui, never failing to help others, outspoken and ever a optimist. he would have made a good commander if he wasn't unfit. i remember it rained on our last night.. we had to dig our shell scrapes, i was suffering, even needed rudy's help. eventually, i did finish it. it looks all good, damn shiok can have a hole to sleep in.. and having field pack as a pillow. then it started to rain. i couldn't sleep already cos the rain kept splashing on my face. i got up and saw ah de, zhenhui, ivan, alex talking on one side and joined them. it was starting to turn cold so we cooked some noodles and shared. the field camp was probably almost the end of bmt. we just spent our night chatting and talking about our training so far, and how our future will be after we separate. bmt was like our childhood.. just like how we are military infants. i was so surprised to see in the morning some people could actually sleep in the mud, they are really there man. one of the many things which i appreciate from chung is his ability to discipline his men. he doesn't look fit but does have his way, he is never afraid to scold others. he is also a perfectionist in drills, always expecting the best.. he always say that drills are a reflection of a platoon's discipline. needless to mention, our drills were the best among all the 5 platoons and our discipline tip top, we were always earlier than the others.
midway through bmt, i had a MP interview and recce interview. i never expressed interest in MP so i never got in. i was thinking kranji camp is so far away from home. i was banking on the hope that safsa will send the letter for me to post me to guards.. it's at bedok and so near to home. unfortunately, it made no difference as i was posted to mandai hill camp. during the recce interview, i met weicai who was at hawk platoon 5. i remember looking in awe at capt teo beo khon, sgt jason and ps yuen. i was thinking who were these people in jungle hats. my oc is only a lta and here comes a capt.. like one of the biggest shot i've ssen. my ps was a 3sg.. this 1sg must be damn fierce. capt teo told us he was from 1SIR support coy and we are here today cos we are almost confirmed to joined the strength in 1sir. i was like shit, am i not going to guards anymore? sgt jason interviewed me and told me all sort of bullshit to psycho me to join scouts. i guess almost every single one in the room refused to join cos they heard of how siong it is. too bad, the fact that we are there we were already selected. one thing that really attracted me to scouts is wearing the jungle hat and not needing to wear my helmet anymore. i hated the helmet, it just feels like shit around my head.. so uncomfortable. also, i heard they wanted people who can run, at that point running was my forte so i felt i could contribute to the platoon. we were also told that we will be trained to be the elites of the battalion.. which i think is still true.
and so i POP on 7 december.. finally free from pulau tekong. soon after that, i organised a section steamboat at my house and we brought our girlfriends if we have one. ivan brought grace and ah de brought victoria. not the entire section was invited, only zhenhui, ivan, alex, ah long, ah de. we great fun talking about our bmt days and played some murderer game after dinner. it was fun. at the end, these are where the different individuals got posted to:
Huat - MP PC at 6 sir Jacobson - ATGM fall out at 1 sir
Ah Long - MP spec Alex - Line spec downgrade/ CQ at 3 guards
Ivan - Signal spec at 7 sib Ah De - Signal ps at stagmont
Zhenhui - Signaller at 6 sir Me - Scout at 1 sir
Men to True Soldiers
i remember the first day reporting to mandai hill camp. i don't know what to expect, we weren't greeted very nicely. as i walked through the mustering square, the batch from the mono were all standing at the railings mocking us who came from tekong.. it wasn't the best welcome one could get. S1 asked me to follow him to the hq lecture room, i dutiful listened cos i was wondering who was this captain. although my bmt oc looks much fitter than him, i was amazed how come this guy was a capt, must have some special capabilities. we were made to go to the drill hall, ps made a introduction of the scope of the platoon, say until damn nice only, no need to fight.. we are very special and all these crap.. only smart people can become scout. we were introduced to the first yr commanders, my first impression was wah these guys look so young, do i really need to call them sgt? all of us took turns for interview with the 3 sect com and ps. i was interviewed by this damn fierce guy named sgt ang.. all i knew was his english was damn bad..haha! i remember how the interview went..
sgt ang: so how any problem with this place?
me: er not really.. very far.
sgt ang: far meh? singapore how big only where got far?!
me: *lan lan suck thumb*
we were told briefly on our training schedule for the mono.. bike course in feb, lancer in april, ispc in july, taiwan in march. it all sounds damn fast and cool, but a lot of preparation were needed to be done for all these activities. we were split into 3 bunks, 1 was a 4 man bunk. i quickly went to chope bed.. just didn't want a corner bed. i had a lot of familiar faces in my bunk. weicai the mr nice guy with 5 fingers at that time was sleeping beside me, melvin i knew through sit test, raymond was ralph's friend, augustine my bmt mate. that afternoon, ps asked us to fall in and to report all our injuries. he scrapped away 11 out of the 24 people in the original platoon he felt were people who cannot make it,and in came another 11..people like nick, kg, sc. we were all very fit during the initial period leading to the vehicle courses.. we had pt sessions every now and then, power pt really improved our fitness a lot.
come feb 2006 we had our bike course. the drivers were deployed a few weeks earlier for their jeeps course, for them the driver slot is almost guaranteed. i must say those days were really the time we had the most fun, we had our sect coms and pcs learning the course together with us. it was a stay out course and it was near home so i could always go out if i wanted to.. at least i managed to spend valentine's day that year, too bad it didn't went too well. many of us didn't have civilian license and wouldn't consider getting a 2B cos it's too dangerous, well at least this is a good chance for us to try something we will only do in army. after the bike course, lta joel interviewed us to better understand what appointment we would like..basically only basher and signaller was available. i chose to be a signaller, cos i felt i would do better with coms and the chance to ride the bike was to hard to resist. in the end, i was selected to go to 54E with sgt gavin, langar, seng choong, biao, ruixiong.
21 april we departed for brunei, our first overseas training stint being only 5 months old. everyone was saying how siong brunei was and all that. we really needed proper training before walking through the deep terrain. the platoon carried 3/4 jerry can to the cookhouse every meal, and there was also route marches to boost our combat fitness and to also train the battalion up for csb. that was a terrible period for me, with the problems i'm having back in singapore and needing to leave it all behind to focus on my training. sometimes, i felt like crying, felt like giving up. it was very tough, climbing knoll after knoll not knowing where the hell we are and still needing to find the check point, you know it's very near on the map but u may need to walk very far to reach it. i remember during ex confirmation, we had to walk abt 3km on the track to the landing zone which was also our resupp point, the weather was so hot and we were drained out like mad, we treated vaji like god when we saw him coming with ice cold 100 plus. i just laid there touching the can on my body to cool off. i took one pack of bubur terigu and threw it into the ice box, it was cold when i took it out, it was shiok man! it doesn't help that last light was very early, i think around 1700 to 1730.. i still needed to set up my dipole, hammock, powder bath and eat dinner, all these making use of the remaining light. in brunei, when it's last light it's totally pitch black, even a torch light can only help this much. thankfully, seng choong really helped me a lot. he really suffered in brunei, carrying my stuff on top of his, as well as his saw, his load was heavy. no choice, i needed to carry the signal set and i've only a small field pack to content with. at last light, he would help me with my hammock while i'm setting up the dipole. everyone would be sleeping at night and i'll be lying on the hammock manning coms. there were nights which were real bad, i remember there was one night it started raining very heavily for the whole night.. i harboured far away from the rest, probably around 10m away cos my tree i chose to throw the dipole was there while the rest slept around each other. it was cold that night, they lit up the candles to keep themselves warm while i could just stay there cos even the ground was so muddy and i did not have my boots on. my clothes were all wet, the groundsheet didn't help much, i cuddled myself and smoked to keep warm. at that time, the only thing that kept me sane was cigarettes and my adidas watch which she bought for me, i'll always light it up at night to see whenever i miss her out in the field.
swamp walk was another defining moment. we took 6hrs to finish the 2km walk. through it, we walked through swamp and crossed rivers. at the very start i got stuck in the swarm, sc, sgt cai and some others had to help me up, the mud was at chest level already i thought i was just gonna die there cos each time they use more force to pull me they will go deeper into the mud. section 3 linked up with section 2. ps led in the navigation while biao did the bashing, chopping off the trees that were in the way. canteen sessions were great cos the food in the cook house was bad. we ate from metal trays that were sometimes still oily cos they always ran out of dish washing liquid so we could only use water. moreover, the portion was always so little. we would go to the canteen after nomad, swamp walk and confirmation. each time we went there, we ate like hungry ghost, stuffing our stomachs with everything that we possibly can. i spent most of my time with seng choong, bitching about sgt max, changzhi and his heroics, swamp walk, etc. our favourite topic was always sgt max, cos we both can't stand him. when you start to go through hardship, you can really see who are the people you can really trust. these 3 weeks in brunei i have concluded that sgt max and rx totally don't deserve my respect at all even if they are in my team. sgt max is selfish and unwillingly to give room for mistakes even when you're new. just because i didn't water proof my signal set properly and just because i don't know something doesn't mean i don't deserve to be in the team. remember, we hadn't even gone though ispc but you have, he was suppose to mentor me. even at ord parade i was sitting beside ah biao, he didn't even say hi.
the rnr was very memorable. even in such a screwed up place like brunei, we're just happy to be out of the jungle and within civilisation. me, nick, sc, wc, mj hung out together, we just felt happy that we'll be back home the next day. i remember us sharing a tub of ice cream outside the shopping centre and seng choong buying his stupid you tiao. at night after dinner, we chilled at a cafe watching F1. that night, schmaucher finally won alonso.. nick explained to us how to watch F1. all of us were nearly broke from our canteen sessions, thanks to lta joel's advice not to bring so much cash. brunei's cigarettes were cheap so i kept smoking so i could buy more, hahah i guess i smoke too much that night i became giddy and felt like puking. just needed a rest badly.
after resting for abt 2 weeks from lancer, we needed to get ready for ispc already. we were in the course together with the men from adf. they were also the same people we met at the bike course. it was tough, i would say even tougher than brunei. brunei was tough because of the weather, but this is tough physically. most notably was the 12km fast march and ex long walk. before this, the maximum we had for fast march was 8km in sbo at tekong. but this is 12km in fbo. again, there were times i felt like giving up, i remember martin was there to push me and so was sgt jason. i just couldn't push myself faster any furthur. long walk was the most gruelling of it all, i don't even know how much we walked, i only know we started around 1500 or 1600 and finished around 7 plus in the morning.. it was more than 12 hrs long of walk through the night. wearing tights didn't work, i still had abrasions on my inner thigh. that night, weikai and sgt gan followed us.. weikai did well with the navigation.. sgt gan walked super fast that everyone else couldn't catch up with him. we walked through the cemetery.. i though it was supposed to be eerie, we were told not to eat pork. it wasn't that scary after all, even late in the night there were people burning joss paper, banglas sitting around. we even slept in the cemetery and at the bus stop. it's really an experience of a lifetime.. i wouldn't dare sleep in a cemetery again. and then there was ex network, which we were out there for 4 days, but it didn't feel very bad maybe cos it was 2 exercises combined into 1 so we had different missions. that was also the only time i went to recce but i didn't even see enemies. we had many memorable times in ispc, sweating it out together. those were also the time where people start to downgrade cos they can't take it or dono what reasons, some others may feel tempted to follow suit but we stood by our own conscience. unfortunately, the most saddening part of our ns experience was also a death of a good friend.
we came back on 29th june 2006 from ex network, slept for one night followed by cst on the next day which is a friday. it was suppose to be a one day training to teach us how to find food, build shelter. for this course, we also had to each kill a frog or an eel and eat it before we go outfield for 3 days without food the following week. it was a book out day and the next day was my birthday. i missed ying er so much i even wrote some stuff on my notebook wondering what she'll get for me for my birthday. i sent nick home that day after picking my mum up from bkt merah. he looked pretty upset that day.. and asked me how to control his temper. he envied me for having ppl to celebrate his birthday with him.. and i told him we can always celebrate with him mah. after dropping him off at his home, my father suddenly felt the van parked outside his house somewhat familiar, i called nick to verify and indeed it was his mums. my dad and his mum were business partners. damn funny how the world is so small huh?
ying er came over to stay that night. early in the morning of 1st July 2006, my 21st birthday, i was still sleeping with ying er in my arms when my father called me telling me to calm down first, my friend had committed suicide and died. he didn't sound like he's joking, but i needed some time to digest the information. i knew he had problems with his girlfriend and i knew when he told me she must be the reason, i just couldn't find a reason strong enough to justify a suicide. reality has struck, i had to inform the rest of the platoon, yet it still felt as if if i called him he would still answer the phone. it was still unacceptable until i really see him at his place of peace. i called pc, he thought i was joking, still say wanna charge me.. i had to convince him man. that was a busy morning, calling people and receiving the same shock expressions and explaining to each of them one by one. tat day i had to go down to sib with ps while marinating the chicken wings halfway. don't think it's right to elaborate more.. but the good thing is many people remember him still. we had our admin shirt in memory of him.. someone set up a friendster memorial for him.. people still talk abt him. and me, another less smoking kaki.why didn't he think abt those people who cared abt him before resorting to this?
after 1 mth of poi duty, the whole battalion started to prepare for atec stage 1. we had to revise on all our drills... ccac, mg, vehicles, infiltration..blah blah. ccac was the most tedious one cos we keep forgetting and not being medics we don't deal with these everyday. before that we turn ops, which was also lta joel's last outfield. it was very respectable of him, going outfield with us though he's already in his last week. that few months was our busiest, always going outfield for exercises and all, became pretty immune to outfield comditions already. the only sian part is food, even canned food doesn't fit the bill now man. ever since i ate bah teng outfield, i never dared eat it at home already. we all did well for stage 1, scoring a redcon 1. one of my goals was to get the best combat unit but its a collective effort of the battalion. i wanted it because i always wanted to be in the ndp goh.. and to do that we had to win the bcu. who could forget ex pegasus.. all of us seem to run out of water.. the weather was so dry during that period we had to constantly hydrate ourselves cos the next minute our lips will dry up again. i still remember going to find frv with sgt jason, gavin and pc. the vegetation was pretty thick and pitch black.i was left with sgt jason to go back to rv.. but he can tell me he dono how to go back.. and tell me that he's very tired.. imagine your sergeant tell u that?! lucky he's not my tc.
the best part of my national service is of course going to taiwan, fighting atec and ex high noon. unlike brunei, we are all closer to each other already and more experienced so we would learn to look at things more positively. most importantly, i didn't leave singapore with a laden heart. it was cool, we flew eva air and the seats were more spacious than sq man.. and some of the stewardess were quite pretty too. upon arrival at kaohsiung, we still had to sit a 2hr coach to heng chun. it was hot when we first arrived but it started to turn cold a few days later. i was feeling damn fucked up when i first saw the bunk, double decker with wood below and not spring. i mean tats alright, but there's not cupboard so where are we gonna put our things? we haven't even unpacked and it's already so disorganised.. and we had to walk so far to the toilet and one company shares one. imagine wanna pee also must think twice. general life there is ok, the cookhouse is air-conditioned, canteen not bad, cheap cigarettes, internet room, basketball court. after some time, i adapted to it well just like how a infantrymen should be. we spent abt 1 week or so to prepare ourselves for atec.. drawing stores, zeroing our tes system, tying down soi. everyone started to turn serious, even the troopers, we knew we all had a role to play. we had countless inspirational speeches by rsm and co.. and some happy hr shit to boost our morale. i was happy, free beer and tian bu la. my only regret in atec was not having the chance to go recce at all, wasn't given a chance to share the load. there was this once we were sleeping in the mango plantation, an auntie peed in front of us only to realise we were behind after that, i saw her whole butt can! hahha! then for mission 2, we went up a high point to stand off, that was great, even had shelter loh.. no close in recce. the bad thing is, with pc around i can't sleep. the cold front has set in and it was very windy at night, being at high ground is even worst, we only had goretex jacket to content with. thankfully, there were tables so we laid them to shield us from the wind. i smoked quite a lot that night, to stay awake and to keep warm. biao shiok only, sleep the whole night. i guess the receiving party of my coms can even hear the wind loh. after atec, we had a nights out at kenting, nothing much there, only remember going into almost every convenience store to look for "la sup" to buy back to camp, as well as some cup noodles to eat for supper. ex high noon, who could forget the super chilly nights which temperatures dipped to 15.. or is it 7 degrees. we had to set big fires to keep ourselves warm. people were getting hypothermia.. the first night was raining.. it was terrible. biao and i had milo noodles that first night. 2nd day was still cold, even when i pee got steam sia. at night, we went to collect our night snacks. while waiting, it was so cold we had to hide in the rover to keep ourselves warm. it was damn shiok, we had taiyang bing, bubor hitam for night snack. during aso, the whole team went out to cook cup noodles to share, come to think back i kinda miss these team bonding days..haha. oh and during aso, we went to buy food from ninja van while waiting for 2ic to come back from orders. wow eating tian bu la and the zua ping is absolutely fantastic. really missed the taste badly. it was definitely our last outfield and we were all happy about it. the last few days was really relaxing, we spent our time in the canteen watching movies, eating, playing bball, frisbee, etc. by the first 2 days we have already returned all our stores. we went to heng chun town for nights out, that was my favourite day out man. we tried all sorts of different food and chilled at this small cafe. i liked the town, it had everything that the people needed and it was quiet, no hassle of the typical city life. i was constantly thinking about home, but i guess she must be out with her friends, i could feel she didn't miss me as much anymore.. never even hear her saying she missed me.
we went to taipei for rnr.. it was around 10 hr bus ride to taipei. along the way, we visited 1 theme park, the one with the giant drop. i love theme parks, it leaves me in a world of zero worries. the theme parks in taipei is great, nobody one so u don't have to queue long for the ride. our hotel was not too bad, at least there was hot water and porn channel. we went to ximen ding and shihlin night market only cos we only had 2.5days. there was really nothing much at shihlin loh, i think it's pretty overrated. only the xxl chicken was nice.. and the puppies there really cute. oh and the few us spent alot of money at the games section.. playing that archery thing to earn that small lil pillow which i gave to ying er..now it's in my room but nobody uses it. our last half day had most returns, that was where i bought most of my things. first, we went to the temple to pray, it was a big temple, a lot of gods to pray to, then we took a train down to ximen ding. i bought my nike sneakers and t-shirt from there. the hello kitty stuff there were also very cheap so i got one set for her. not forgetting, the ah zhong mee sua is sibei shuang man!! how to describe man.. for $2.50 per bowl it's good worth. the broth is damn tasty and thick.. then they have a lot of ingredients.. intestines, pig stomach, oyster not like the one in singapore only got 2 oyster. jing jing you wei.
Maintaining The Soldiering Image
i was called back on a Saturday to take part in ndp rehearsal, it was still my block leave from roc. i had hardly enjoyed myself and keep my gf company and now ndp? i was getting really pissed. being in ndp means all saturdays burnt till national day. i left for taiwan in mid march.. which means i would have no saturdays for 5 months! i must admit my first saturday out after ndp, i was really not used to it. my relationship was already in shams having been away for 5 weeks and now this.. i was starting to feel afraid. i had a choice to go thailand for kocha singa for 2 weeks but i chose not to.. partly because i don't want to be away totally for 2 weeks, at least i'm here with her still. besides, i always wanted to be in ndp, though this time i won't be in no.1.. i figured out no.4 also not so bad.. not as if i am the performers, and this year i will be the first to step into the floating platform, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. hence, i took the risk for national pride. although we were nearing out ord date, we all had to maintain our professionalism and disciplaine to the public in order not to disgrace ourselves as soldiers. it's really not about saf but ourself as individuals. i mean we can't possibly let people criticise us for the identity we built for more than a year right? so just like that, saturday by saturday passed by, we had full dress rehearsals for 5 weeks. come to think about it, lucky we weren't in the goh if not wednesday there's training also. on top of that, there was still saf day. i still don't understand why they needed so many saturdays for the supporting contingents, it was very simple drills. when national day arrived, there was no amount of words to express how proud i was to be there, marching out from the tunnel hearing the kids scream. no doubt there were big sacrifices to be made, but pride comes with a price.
on 9th July, another half of my dream was fulfilled. though i couldn't wear no.1 in ndp, i could do it for 1 sir's 50th anniversary. it was the unit's golden jubilee and we needed to troop the colours, which means we had to slow march and do other difficult drills, all these to be achieved with a high drill standard cos every move we make can be easily spotted in the no.1. only one contingent troops the colour, so rsm had to pick the best out of the 4 companies. i wanted to be in that contingent so i did my best during the selection and got picked with weicai and robin. although this mono is fucked up, i'm honoured to be part of the unit cos she has a rich heritage. the unit's growth has helped singapore grow.. providing the necessary security for the country to grow economically. we had only one week to prepare for this parade and we couldn't screw it up cos coa and defence minister as well as other VIPs will be around. we all worked extremely hard that week, perfecting the tukak haluan.. slow march and marching in straight rows. in the end, it was all worth it cos i could see all of them wanting to make things work. it was also the first time i've seen all 4 companies coming to work together to want to make things right. we were perfect during the div com vetting but we screwed up on the actual day. oc gave the command to early and got everyone confused to the berhenti.. it was just that very last moment. everything was going on really well.
Saying Goodbye
as august approached, people started to leave. weicai, siew hou, macwyn all ord.. yew, mingjie, ruixiong all disrupted. suddenly we have 6 people lesser. even the specs had some who left. i had no one to play soccer with anymore. people start to change.. trying whatever they can to get out of camp. most of time, u won't see changzhi, ah biao, zhaocai. i've not spoken to eric for a long time.. oso dono what's up with him. there was nothing much to "do together".. i wanted to like call for a last power pt or smtg.. but in the end i felt there was no point cos not the whole platoon is around.. even the bbq was called off.
only at the last week did the whole platoon managed to be in camp. we spent the whole week practicing our ord parade drills. i went jogging with sc and jy.. after which we sat on the track chit chatting. as i jogged on the cmtl carpark, i realised the view on top is indeed a sight but i never appreciated it when i was around. the track was quiet, no more people playing bball or wad. it was a short, quiet heart to heart talk. we went back to bunk to enjoy our last chong pang session together.. just me, kang guan, seng choong, jenn yueh, ah lum.
during the ord parade, i nearly cried when the battalion song played.. i was thinking back about memories when i slow marched. it's finally over. i miss it but i won't go back there again. i thanked sgt gavin before i left and he hugged me asking me to take care.. that's my 54E team commander for you.
Kang Guan- knew him since day 1.. once from the MO club, who would expect he would get ippt gold? always has a very exaggerating reaction. conservative fella.. don't like people to act gay or pinch his nipples.. haha
Weicai - knew him from the recce interview in bmt. initially i thought he was some mr nice guy.. like quite polite ah.. but he turned out to be retarded!! hahaha. the joker of the platoon.. never fails to amuse people with his crazy antics. very fit also.. always the clear ippt and soc at the first try while i keep on going at it.
Ah Lum - mr holy holy. he has been devotionally writing his revelation and reading his bible every single day we're in camp. sometimes when he's pissed he'll still give u a politically neutral answer, it's ok i know sometimes u just wanna say.. "who the fuck he think he is?!" but u can't. a very fast runner too.. 2.4km i tink 9.2 min.. very impressive.
Seng Choong - i thought he was ok but he turned out to be so gayish.. and he just got worser as each day passes. he needs weicai in his life. he walks kinda gay, start buying purple t-shirt and he's got weak lungs! but nvm lah get used to it. nonetheless, a pretty helpful friend. it's just that, i still don't understand how he thinks.
Mingjie - a perfect make of a smart person.. cos all the smart alecs are weird. this guy is so slim he hide in between the locker and the bed u can't even see him.. like ju-on. he never fail to surprise you with his actions. at one point he may be sleeping, the next he'll just wake up and whack you. he's a pro at ignoring people he dislikes.
Yew Yee - this guy is a perfect example of comic overdose. spends all his time and money on the weekends on comics.. and he brings 8 books to camp to read every week.. just imagine his collection at home. he behaves like a.. gentle giant from some kids educational programme. he is one of those whoz fitness just suddenly improved.
Jenn Yueh - classic ancient china hero. i really respect him from the bottom of my heart.. cos he's so thrifty.. he can resist all sorts of temptation, even at taiwan he spends minimal. he is a very upright person, never willing to report sick or fall out cos he believes he has a role to play in the team. can't tell from his look, he loves wwe and he loves parade just like me. he's in love with the contingent sm from the police goh at ndp 07.
Macwyn - i thought weicai was easy to bully. he's even easier, that's why everyone bullies him.. except me..haha. he's like me, like to try new things.. adventurous. he's got a lot of weird board games at home. i'm still baffled how he can do some many chin ups.
Guoli - he's really good in chinese.. but he's not a chinaman like golfer.. he speaks not bad english. he's a one woman man..but too bad the woman don't appreciate him. happy go lucky kind of person.. never really see him stressed out about anything. fun to be around with, i sat that u-shaped rollercoaster with him twice!
Eric- i don't understand how his mind works. i know he can be playing game for the whole day. he would borrow psp or ds from others and play the night through while everyone is sleeping.. amazing.
Shuyu- a neutral person but quite suay cos he always get accused for cao geng. he has a good attitude, training himself.. achieving a silver in the end.. he was a zero fighter when he came in i think.
Ziyang- he's a obedient and nice goat..hahha. he always complains but never do anything in the end. he's a good listening ear when u need him though he isn't of much help.
Biao- my smoking kaki outfield and in camp. i forgot how many sticks have i given to him.. but ok lah i'm not so calculative. very fit guy.. motivates the people around him to improve their fitness. he's got this amazing ability to remember routes. i think not many people has really seen him shag.. but i have..haha.
Siew Hou- the shortest man of the platoon yet the oldest..what irony. he's also a fast runner. he's a pretty serious guy.. cannot play those physical jokes with him wan.. at least he has a strong passion for something.. and that is cars.
Boys to Men
10th September 2005- d-day for me as i was due for enlistment. i didn't know what to expect as i have never undergone regimentation in my entire life. i joined scouts and sjab in my primary and secondary school respectively but i quit within 3 months because i couldn't take the regimentation and i was not made for such hands on stuff. it was a saturday afternoon, i had all my daily necessities ready.. alarm clock, underwear, sleeping attire and some stuff i bought from beach rd which would seem useless afterwards. i had kuay chap with mum,dad,popo at macpherson.. i remember the clock seemingly ticking so fast.. i would be away for 2 weeks. i wore my esprit jeans and adidas bag and reported to safft. i remember politely asking some sergeant something and he was so guai lan towards me can, i didn't dare say anything, i was just a recruit.
i still remember vividly on this day today, 9th sept, ying er was still in school. she just suddenly messaged me in the afternoon telling me she wants to see me after school cos i'm gonna be away for 2 weeks. i've already spent almost everyday with her one week prior to enlistment and also on the 8th, she cried. it just feels nice to be loved like that, unfortunately 1 year plus later it would not be the same scenario, being away for 5 weeks and not even half of that urgency. maybe i just dwell too much in the past but i think the past are important reflections of what we are today. so as i said in my earlier entry, i got cheated of my pink ic and to the audit for oath taking. i was with amos, hardly the company you will want but no choice, he's the only person familiar around there. i met kang guan at the audit, we exchanged a few words but later on he was posted to another platoon. haha maybe it's fate, it the end we still land up in 1 SIR scout platoon. after the meal with my parents, 1SG Didicazli brought us to get our duffel bags and boots. it was so ding dei.. imagine climbing up 3 storeys with civilian bag on my arm, duffel bag on the other and boots on the hand. 1SG Didi was already starting to clear his leave, he's handing over his duties to chung.. imagine when you just enlisted and you have to contemplate with the sight of someone going to ord.. it sucks! 3SG Chung went through the list of things that we are suppose to have. all of us had a blur look on our faces, who would know what's a toggle rope, L-torch, sbo, No.4., admin attire for a normal layman like us, we'll just know them as rope, torch light, that bag which looks like a vest, green uniform, army t-shirt. sometimes i really don't understand why saf must make those things sound so cheem. a very good example is ASA (administrative support asst) and logistics asst. what the hell clerk means clerk lah.. storeman means storeman.. need to name until so nice meh? anyway, for 3 months i'll go through thick and thin with this hawk platoon 3 section 3.
the confinement weeks were hell, we did mostly PT focussing on agr and strength training to build up our fitness. we were always punished because of some cocksters in the platoon that were uncooperative and did a lot of push ups. of course, the only people you can really count on during these hard times were your section mates. i remember being closer to ivan and rudy in the beginning to discuss about our girlfriends. it was always good to talk about such things to divert your mind away from military life. i was in culture shock, there were a lot of military jargons to learn, i had to learn tying knots, handling straps, taking instructions and not having a say in it though i know it's stupid, sweating it out in the sun and then rushing to quickly change into no.4 for some talk without bathing. it was hard, but we learn to pull through. each day, we sing songs to count down our time to our first book out. we had to earn it, chin ups before every meal. i really sucked, i was the worse, i went in as zero fighter and i think only after 1 month i managed to pull 1. subsequently, i managed to pull 4 standard ones by pop. i missed home dearly, during the 1st week i almost cried when i spoke to my family and belle. i missed belle a lot, it was only through my ns did i started to cherish her.. of course i hoped it wasn't too late. i would message her early in the morning when i wake up at 0530 before training to tell her how much i missed her. i would sms her whenever i can in the day and never fail to call her at 2130 and talk till 1030 when lights out. i loved her, she was understanding towards my service and knew i didn't choose to be here rather than spending time with her. she knew whatever time i had i would spend it with her, even on weekends. we hardly quarreled, most of the time just consoling her cos she missed me too much. i felt she was different, unlike other girls who run away with other guys when their bf is in camp. she was my pillar of strength, the only drive to keep me going during my route marches, even in unit, when i'm worn out and feel like giving up.. i would think about her.. erasing my tiredness.. just telling myself to walk faster, "the faster i finish this, the faster i'll get to book out and meet her".
i remember meeting her on my first book out. i so missed holding her. that day, i pampered myself by going to andersens at suntec to enjoy some ice cream. she had the brownie and i think i had banana split. she cried again when i needed to book in, already spending maximum time with her was not enough but there was nothing i can do. every week was like this, she would come over to my place and take a bus from pasir ris interchange, by the time she reach home was probably 9pm.
7 days field camp made things worse. no handphones were allowed so i was not even allowed to call her for 7 days. i remember having to spend my 1st anniversary in the field, not even allowed to sms her. the weekend before that was hari raya, we celebrated our anniversary in advance. we had lunch at far east. i bought her a fossil watch. she bought me a nike jersey, nike cap and adidas perfume. the first time out in the field was terrible, it was raining for a few nights that even our basha was of no use, water started to seep in and our uniform were all wet. alex and i were cursing inside. alex was great, i liked him, he could work but never does extra stuff. although we were all tired, we worked together fast to build our basha quick so that we can settle down quicker. we had section trainings, arty training and concealment. another good friend was zhenhui, never failing to help others, outspoken and ever a optimist. he would have made a good commander if he wasn't unfit. i remember it rained on our last night.. we had to dig our shell scrapes, i was suffering, even needed rudy's help. eventually, i did finish it. it looks all good, damn shiok can have a hole to sleep in.. and having field pack as a pillow. then it started to rain. i couldn't sleep already cos the rain kept splashing on my face. i got up and saw ah de, zhenhui, ivan, alex talking on one side and joined them. it was starting to turn cold so we cooked some noodles and shared. the field camp was probably almost the end of bmt. we just spent our night chatting and talking about our training so far, and how our future will be after we separate. bmt was like our childhood.. just like how we are military infants. i was so surprised to see in the morning some people could actually sleep in the mud, they are really there man. one of the many things which i appreciate from chung is his ability to discipline his men. he doesn't look fit but does have his way, he is never afraid to scold others. he is also a perfectionist in drills, always expecting the best.. he always say that drills are a reflection of a platoon's discipline. needless to mention, our drills were the best among all the 5 platoons and our discipline tip top, we were always earlier than the others.
midway through bmt, i had a MP interview and recce interview. i never expressed interest in MP so i never got in. i was thinking kranji camp is so far away from home. i was banking on the hope that safsa will send the letter for me to post me to guards.. it's at bedok and so near to home. unfortunately, it made no difference as i was posted to mandai hill camp. during the recce interview, i met weicai who was at hawk platoon 5. i remember looking in awe at capt teo beo khon, sgt jason and ps yuen. i was thinking who were these people in jungle hats. my oc is only a lta and here comes a capt.. like one of the biggest shot i've ssen. my ps was a 3sg.. this 1sg must be damn fierce. capt teo told us he was from 1SIR support coy and we are here today cos we are almost confirmed to joined the strength in 1sir. i was like shit, am i not going to guards anymore? sgt jason interviewed me and told me all sort of bullshit to psycho me to join scouts. i guess almost every single one in the room refused to join cos they heard of how siong it is. too bad, the fact that we are there we were already selected. one thing that really attracted me to scouts is wearing the jungle hat and not needing to wear my helmet anymore. i hated the helmet, it just feels like shit around my head.. so uncomfortable. also, i heard they wanted people who can run, at that point running was my forte so i felt i could contribute to the platoon. we were also told that we will be trained to be the elites of the battalion.. which i think is still true.
and so i POP on 7 december.. finally free from pulau tekong. soon after that, i organised a section steamboat at my house and we brought our girlfriends if we have one. ivan brought grace and ah de brought victoria. not the entire section was invited, only zhenhui, ivan, alex, ah long, ah de. we great fun talking about our bmt days and played some murderer game after dinner. it was fun. at the end, these are where the different individuals got posted to:
Huat - MP PC at 6 sir Jacobson - ATGM fall out at 1 sir
Ah Long - MP spec Alex - Line spec downgrade/ CQ at 3 guards
Ivan - Signal spec at 7 sib Ah De - Signal ps at stagmont
Zhenhui - Signaller at 6 sir Me - Scout at 1 sir
Men to True Soldiers
i remember the first day reporting to mandai hill camp. i don't know what to expect, we weren't greeted very nicely. as i walked through the mustering square, the batch from the mono were all standing at the railings mocking us who came from tekong.. it wasn't the best welcome one could get. S1 asked me to follow him to the hq lecture room, i dutiful listened cos i was wondering who was this captain. although my bmt oc looks much fitter than him, i was amazed how come this guy was a capt, must have some special capabilities. we were made to go to the drill hall, ps made a introduction of the scope of the platoon, say until damn nice only, no need to fight.. we are very special and all these crap.. only smart people can become scout. we were introduced to the first yr commanders, my first impression was wah these guys look so young, do i really need to call them sgt? all of us took turns for interview with the 3 sect com and ps. i was interviewed by this damn fierce guy named sgt ang.. all i knew was his english was damn bad..haha! i remember how the interview went..
sgt ang: so how any problem with this place?
me: er not really.. very far.
sgt ang: far meh? singapore how big only where got far?!
me: *lan lan suck thumb*
we were told briefly on our training schedule for the mono.. bike course in feb, lancer in april, ispc in july, taiwan in march. it all sounds damn fast and cool, but a lot of preparation were needed to be done for all these activities. we were split into 3 bunks, 1 was a 4 man bunk. i quickly went to chope bed.. just didn't want a corner bed. i had a lot of familiar faces in my bunk. weicai the mr nice guy with 5 fingers at that time was sleeping beside me, melvin i knew through sit test, raymond was ralph's friend, augustine my bmt mate. that afternoon, ps asked us to fall in and to report all our injuries. he scrapped away 11 out of the 24 people in the original platoon he felt were people who cannot make it,and in came another 11..people like nick, kg, sc. we were all very fit during the initial period leading to the vehicle courses.. we had pt sessions every now and then, power pt really improved our fitness a lot.
come feb 2006 we had our bike course. the drivers were deployed a few weeks earlier for their jeeps course, for them the driver slot is almost guaranteed. i must say those days were really the time we had the most fun, we had our sect coms and pcs learning the course together with us. it was a stay out course and it was near home so i could always go out if i wanted to.. at least i managed to spend valentine's day that year, too bad it didn't went too well. many of us didn't have civilian license and wouldn't consider getting a 2B cos it's too dangerous, well at least this is a good chance for us to try something we will only do in army. after the bike course, lta joel interviewed us to better understand what appointment we would like..basically only basher and signaller was available. i chose to be a signaller, cos i felt i would do better with coms and the chance to ride the bike was to hard to resist. in the end, i was selected to go to 54E with sgt gavin, langar, seng choong, biao, ruixiong.
21 april we departed for brunei, our first overseas training stint being only 5 months old. everyone was saying how siong brunei was and all that. we really needed proper training before walking through the deep terrain. the platoon carried 3/4 jerry can to the cookhouse every meal, and there was also route marches to boost our combat fitness and to also train the battalion up for csb. that was a terrible period for me, with the problems i'm having back in singapore and needing to leave it all behind to focus on my training. sometimes, i felt like crying, felt like giving up. it was very tough, climbing knoll after knoll not knowing where the hell we are and still needing to find the check point, you know it's very near on the map but u may need to walk very far to reach it. i remember during ex confirmation, we had to walk abt 3km on the track to the landing zone which was also our resupp point, the weather was so hot and we were drained out like mad, we treated vaji like god when we saw him coming with ice cold 100 plus. i just laid there touching the can on my body to cool off. i took one pack of bubur terigu and threw it into the ice box, it was cold when i took it out, it was shiok man! it doesn't help that last light was very early, i think around 1700 to 1730.. i still needed to set up my dipole, hammock, powder bath and eat dinner, all these making use of the remaining light. in brunei, when it's last light it's totally pitch black, even a torch light can only help this much. thankfully, seng choong really helped me a lot. he really suffered in brunei, carrying my stuff on top of his, as well as his saw, his load was heavy. no choice, i needed to carry the signal set and i've only a small field pack to content with. at last light, he would help me with my hammock while i'm setting up the dipole. everyone would be sleeping at night and i'll be lying on the hammock manning coms. there were nights which were real bad, i remember there was one night it started raining very heavily for the whole night.. i harboured far away from the rest, probably around 10m away cos my tree i chose to throw the dipole was there while the rest slept around each other. it was cold that night, they lit up the candles to keep themselves warm while i could just stay there cos even the ground was so muddy and i did not have my boots on. my clothes were all wet, the groundsheet didn't help much, i cuddled myself and smoked to keep warm. at that time, the only thing that kept me sane was cigarettes and my adidas watch which she bought for me, i'll always light it up at night to see whenever i miss her out in the field.
swamp walk was another defining moment. we took 6hrs to finish the 2km walk. through it, we walked through swamp and crossed rivers. at the very start i got stuck in the swarm, sc, sgt cai and some others had to help me up, the mud was at chest level already i thought i was just gonna die there cos each time they use more force to pull me they will go deeper into the mud. section 3 linked up with section 2. ps led in the navigation while biao did the bashing, chopping off the trees that were in the way. canteen sessions were great cos the food in the cook house was bad. we ate from metal trays that were sometimes still oily cos they always ran out of dish washing liquid so we could only use water. moreover, the portion was always so little. we would go to the canteen after nomad, swamp walk and confirmation. each time we went there, we ate like hungry ghost, stuffing our stomachs with everything that we possibly can. i spent most of my time with seng choong, bitching about sgt max, changzhi and his heroics, swamp walk, etc. our favourite topic was always sgt max, cos we both can't stand him. when you start to go through hardship, you can really see who are the people you can really trust. these 3 weeks in brunei i have concluded that sgt max and rx totally don't deserve my respect at all even if they are in my team. sgt max is selfish and unwillingly to give room for mistakes even when you're new. just because i didn't water proof my signal set properly and just because i don't know something doesn't mean i don't deserve to be in the team. remember, we hadn't even gone though ispc but you have, he was suppose to mentor me. even at ord parade i was sitting beside ah biao, he didn't even say hi.
the rnr was very memorable. even in such a screwed up place like brunei, we're just happy to be out of the jungle and within civilisation. me, nick, sc, wc, mj hung out together, we just felt happy that we'll be back home the next day. i remember us sharing a tub of ice cream outside the shopping centre and seng choong buying his stupid you tiao. at night after dinner, we chilled at a cafe watching F1. that night, schmaucher finally won alonso.. nick explained to us how to watch F1. all of us were nearly broke from our canteen sessions, thanks to lta joel's advice not to bring so much cash. brunei's cigarettes were cheap so i kept smoking so i could buy more, hahah i guess i smoke too much that night i became giddy and felt like puking. just needed a rest badly.
after resting for abt 2 weeks from lancer, we needed to get ready for ispc already. we were in the course together with the men from adf. they were also the same people we met at the bike course. it was tough, i would say even tougher than brunei. brunei was tough because of the weather, but this is tough physically. most notably was the 12km fast march and ex long walk. before this, the maximum we had for fast march was 8km in sbo at tekong. but this is 12km in fbo. again, there were times i felt like giving up, i remember martin was there to push me and so was sgt jason. i just couldn't push myself faster any furthur. long walk was the most gruelling of it all, i don't even know how much we walked, i only know we started around 1500 or 1600 and finished around 7 plus in the morning.. it was more than 12 hrs long of walk through the night. wearing tights didn't work, i still had abrasions on my inner thigh. that night, weikai and sgt gan followed us.. weikai did well with the navigation.. sgt gan walked super fast that everyone else couldn't catch up with him. we walked through the cemetery.. i though it was supposed to be eerie, we were told not to eat pork. it wasn't that scary after all, even late in the night there were people burning joss paper, banglas sitting around. we even slept in the cemetery and at the bus stop. it's really an experience of a lifetime.. i wouldn't dare sleep in a cemetery again. and then there was ex network, which we were out there for 4 days, but it didn't feel very bad maybe cos it was 2 exercises combined into 1 so we had different missions. that was also the only time i went to recce but i didn't even see enemies. we had many memorable times in ispc, sweating it out together. those were also the time where people start to downgrade cos they can't take it or dono what reasons, some others may feel tempted to follow suit but we stood by our own conscience. unfortunately, the most saddening part of our ns experience was also a death of a good friend.
we came back on 29th june 2006 from ex network, slept for one night followed by cst on the next day which is a friday. it was suppose to be a one day training to teach us how to find food, build shelter. for this course, we also had to each kill a frog or an eel and eat it before we go outfield for 3 days without food the following week. it was a book out day and the next day was my birthday. i missed ying er so much i even wrote some stuff on my notebook wondering what she'll get for me for my birthday. i sent nick home that day after picking my mum up from bkt merah. he looked pretty upset that day.. and asked me how to control his temper. he envied me for having ppl to celebrate his birthday with him.. and i told him we can always celebrate with him mah. after dropping him off at his home, my father suddenly felt the van parked outside his house somewhat familiar, i called nick to verify and indeed it was his mums. my dad and his mum were business partners. damn funny how the world is so small huh?
ying er came over to stay that night. early in the morning of 1st July 2006, my 21st birthday, i was still sleeping with ying er in my arms when my father called me telling me to calm down first, my friend had committed suicide and died. he didn't sound like he's joking, but i needed some time to digest the information. i knew he had problems with his girlfriend and i knew when he told me she must be the reason, i just couldn't find a reason strong enough to justify a suicide. reality has struck, i had to inform the rest of the platoon, yet it still felt as if if i called him he would still answer the phone. it was still unacceptable until i really see him at his place of peace. i called pc, he thought i was joking, still say wanna charge me.. i had to convince him man. that was a busy morning, calling people and receiving the same shock expressions and explaining to each of them one by one. tat day i had to go down to sib with ps while marinating the chicken wings halfway. don't think it's right to elaborate more.. but the good thing is many people remember him still. we had our admin shirt in memory of him.. someone set up a friendster memorial for him.. people still talk abt him. and me, another less smoking kaki.why didn't he think abt those people who cared abt him before resorting to this?
after 1 mth of poi duty, the whole battalion started to prepare for atec stage 1. we had to revise on all our drills... ccac, mg, vehicles, infiltration..blah blah. ccac was the most tedious one cos we keep forgetting and not being medics we don't deal with these everyday. before that we turn ops, which was also lta joel's last outfield. it was very respectable of him, going outfield with us though he's already in his last week. that few months was our busiest, always going outfield for exercises and all, became pretty immune to outfield comditions already. the only sian part is food, even canned food doesn't fit the bill now man. ever since i ate bah teng outfield, i never dared eat it at home already. we all did well for stage 1, scoring a redcon 1. one of my goals was to get the best combat unit but its a collective effort of the battalion. i wanted it because i always wanted to be in the ndp goh.. and to do that we had to win the bcu. who could forget ex pegasus.. all of us seem to run out of water.. the weather was so dry during that period we had to constantly hydrate ourselves cos the next minute our lips will dry up again. i still remember going to find frv with sgt jason, gavin and pc. the vegetation was pretty thick and pitch black.i was left with sgt jason to go back to rv.. but he can tell me he dono how to go back.. and tell me that he's very tired.. imagine your sergeant tell u that?! lucky he's not my tc.
the best part of my national service is of course going to taiwan, fighting atec and ex high noon. unlike brunei, we are all closer to each other already and more experienced so we would learn to look at things more positively. most importantly, i didn't leave singapore with a laden heart. it was cool, we flew eva air and the seats were more spacious than sq man.. and some of the stewardess were quite pretty too. upon arrival at kaohsiung, we still had to sit a 2hr coach to heng chun. it was hot when we first arrived but it started to turn cold a few days later. i was feeling damn fucked up when i first saw the bunk, double decker with wood below and not spring. i mean tats alright, but there's not cupboard so where are we gonna put our things? we haven't even unpacked and it's already so disorganised.. and we had to walk so far to the toilet and one company shares one. imagine wanna pee also must think twice. general life there is ok, the cookhouse is air-conditioned, canteen not bad, cheap cigarettes, internet room, basketball court. after some time, i adapted to it well just like how a infantrymen should be. we spent abt 1 week or so to prepare ourselves for atec.. drawing stores, zeroing our tes system, tying down soi. everyone started to turn serious, even the troopers, we knew we all had a role to play. we had countless inspirational speeches by rsm and co.. and some happy hr shit to boost our morale. i was happy, free beer and tian bu la. my only regret in atec was not having the chance to go recce at all, wasn't given a chance to share the load. there was this once we were sleeping in the mango plantation, an auntie peed in front of us only to realise we were behind after that, i saw her whole butt can! hahha! then for mission 2, we went up a high point to stand off, that was great, even had shelter loh.. no close in recce. the bad thing is, with pc around i can't sleep. the cold front has set in and it was very windy at night, being at high ground is even worst, we only had goretex jacket to content with. thankfully, there were tables so we laid them to shield us from the wind. i smoked quite a lot that night, to stay awake and to keep warm. biao shiok only, sleep the whole night. i guess the receiving party of my coms can even hear the wind loh. after atec, we had a nights out at kenting, nothing much there, only remember going into almost every convenience store to look for "la sup" to buy back to camp, as well as some cup noodles to eat for supper. ex high noon, who could forget the super chilly nights which temperatures dipped to 15.. or is it 7 degrees. we had to set big fires to keep ourselves warm. people were getting hypothermia.. the first night was raining.. it was terrible. biao and i had milo noodles that first night. 2nd day was still cold, even when i pee got steam sia. at night, we went to collect our night snacks. while waiting, it was so cold we had to hide in the rover to keep ourselves warm. it was damn shiok, we had taiyang bing, bubor hitam for night snack. during aso, the whole team went out to cook cup noodles to share, come to think back i kinda miss these team bonding days..haha. oh and during aso, we went to buy food from ninja van while waiting for 2ic to come back from orders. wow eating tian bu la and the zua ping is absolutely fantastic. really missed the taste badly. it was definitely our last outfield and we were all happy about it. the last few days was really relaxing, we spent our time in the canteen watching movies, eating, playing bball, frisbee, etc. by the first 2 days we have already returned all our stores. we went to heng chun town for nights out, that was my favourite day out man. we tried all sorts of different food and chilled at this small cafe. i liked the town, it had everything that the people needed and it was quiet, no hassle of the typical city life. i was constantly thinking about home, but i guess she must be out with her friends, i could feel she didn't miss me as much anymore.. never even hear her saying she missed me.
we went to taipei for rnr.. it was around 10 hr bus ride to taipei. along the way, we visited 1 theme park, the one with the giant drop. i love theme parks, it leaves me in a world of zero worries. the theme parks in taipei is great, nobody one so u don't have to queue long for the ride. our hotel was not too bad, at least there was hot water and porn channel. we went to ximen ding and shihlin night market only cos we only had 2.5days. there was really nothing much at shihlin loh, i think it's pretty overrated. only the xxl chicken was nice.. and the puppies there really cute. oh and the few us spent alot of money at the games section.. playing that archery thing to earn that small lil pillow which i gave to ying er..now it's in my room but nobody uses it. our last half day had most returns, that was where i bought most of my things. first, we went to the temple to pray, it was a big temple, a lot of gods to pray to, then we took a train down to ximen ding. i bought my nike sneakers and t-shirt from there. the hello kitty stuff there were also very cheap so i got one set for her. not forgetting, the ah zhong mee sua is sibei shuang man!! how to describe man.. for $2.50 per bowl it's good worth. the broth is damn tasty and thick.. then they have a lot of ingredients.. intestines, pig stomach, oyster not like the one in singapore only got 2 oyster. jing jing you wei.
Maintaining The Soldiering Image
i was called back on a Saturday to take part in ndp rehearsal, it was still my block leave from roc. i had hardly enjoyed myself and keep my gf company and now ndp? i was getting really pissed. being in ndp means all saturdays burnt till national day. i left for taiwan in mid march.. which means i would have no saturdays for 5 months! i must admit my first saturday out after ndp, i was really not used to it. my relationship was already in shams having been away for 5 weeks and now this.. i was starting to feel afraid. i had a choice to go thailand for kocha singa for 2 weeks but i chose not to.. partly because i don't want to be away totally for 2 weeks, at least i'm here with her still. besides, i always wanted to be in ndp, though this time i won't be in no.1.. i figured out no.4 also not so bad.. not as if i am the performers, and this year i will be the first to step into the floating platform, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. hence, i took the risk for national pride. although we were nearing out ord date, we all had to maintain our professionalism and disciplaine to the public in order not to disgrace ourselves as soldiers. it's really not about saf but ourself as individuals. i mean we can't possibly let people criticise us for the identity we built for more than a year right? so just like that, saturday by saturday passed by, we had full dress rehearsals for 5 weeks. come to think about it, lucky we weren't in the goh if not wednesday there's training also. on top of that, there was still saf day. i still don't understand why they needed so many saturdays for the supporting contingents, it was very simple drills. when national day arrived, there was no amount of words to express how proud i was to be there, marching out from the tunnel hearing the kids scream. no doubt there were big sacrifices to be made, but pride comes with a price.
on 9th July, another half of my dream was fulfilled. though i couldn't wear no.1 in ndp, i could do it for 1 sir's 50th anniversary. it was the unit's golden jubilee and we needed to troop the colours, which means we had to slow march and do other difficult drills, all these to be achieved with a high drill standard cos every move we make can be easily spotted in the no.1. only one contingent troops the colour, so rsm had to pick the best out of the 4 companies. i wanted to be in that contingent so i did my best during the selection and got picked with weicai and robin. although this mono is fucked up, i'm honoured to be part of the unit cos she has a rich heritage. the unit's growth has helped singapore grow.. providing the necessary security for the country to grow economically. we had only one week to prepare for this parade and we couldn't screw it up cos coa and defence minister as well as other VIPs will be around. we all worked extremely hard that week, perfecting the tukak haluan.. slow march and marching in straight rows. in the end, it was all worth it cos i could see all of them wanting to make things work. it was also the first time i've seen all 4 companies coming to work together to want to make things right. we were perfect during the div com vetting but we screwed up on the actual day. oc gave the command to early and got everyone confused to the berhenti.. it was just that very last moment. everything was going on really well.
Saying Goodbye
as august approached, people started to leave. weicai, siew hou, macwyn all ord.. yew, mingjie, ruixiong all disrupted. suddenly we have 6 people lesser. even the specs had some who left. i had no one to play soccer with anymore. people start to change.. trying whatever they can to get out of camp. most of time, u won't see changzhi, ah biao, zhaocai. i've not spoken to eric for a long time.. oso dono what's up with him. there was nothing much to "do together".. i wanted to like call for a last power pt or smtg.. but in the end i felt there was no point cos not the whole platoon is around.. even the bbq was called off.
only at the last week did the whole platoon managed to be in camp. we spent the whole week practicing our ord parade drills. i went jogging with sc and jy.. after which we sat on the track chit chatting. as i jogged on the cmtl carpark, i realised the view on top is indeed a sight but i never appreciated it when i was around. the track was quiet, no more people playing bball or wad. it was a short, quiet heart to heart talk. we went back to bunk to enjoy our last chong pang session together.. just me, kang guan, seng choong, jenn yueh, ah lum.
during the ord parade, i nearly cried when the battalion song played.. i was thinking back about memories when i slow marched. it's finally over. i miss it but i won't go back there again. i thanked sgt gavin before i left and he hugged me asking me to take care.. that's my 54E team commander for you.
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