all recce rejects

it was friday yesterday, went to work in an upbeat mood knowing it'll be the last working day of the week, it has been a week busy compiling the market feedback for black sea, and sometimes needing to amend the style of the spreadsheet to linda's preference, i mean thats the prob when ppl don't want to tell you how they want things to be done. it's either u accept the way he/she does it or you verbally spill it out. anyway i don't know why i'm so tired today, she gave me a list of port pairs to create the freight rates into the system, the first few were all easy but when things start to get complicated i started making mistakes. i guess it was probably cos i was too tired and blur or i'm already thinking about after work activities. i was so afraid i needed to stay till 8pm or so to complete it cos i was really not in the mood anymore. when william say that it's not necessary to finish all and just give them a few to take as example i was so relieved, i didn't even bother completing my current port pair and left. i saw krystle still working so i decided i should go and talk to her, well i wouldn't say it's making a move cos i don't think she'll be interested, i just feel like getting to know her better, and she's actually studying the rmit degree i wanted to have now, what coincidence.

actually i wanted to go home to watch the 9pm show since it's the last 2 episodes but a part of me felt like going out to relax since it's a friday and i feel i should pamper myself after along weel in the office. so same as last week, i met my army friends guoli, siew hou and ziyang. i was supposed to go to guoli's cafe with sh but sh only finish work at 7 so i had about 1 hr to entertain myself. coincidentally, i met karen at bugis junction so we had dinner together with her birthday boy friend. i really can't stand it cos everyone around me seem to be speaking chinese and they somehow don't feel comfortable conversing in english. luckily for me, william and linda are ok with english. this is like the second time i celebrating a person's birthday without even knowing who the hell is he.. just like that time i went to zouk to celebrate that jojo's birthday, sometimes i feel very extra.. like why can't i find my own friends? i was too engrossed in my relationship when i was in ns that i forgotten all about social life except meeting apro gang once in a long while, and now she started to have a social life she finds out she doesn't need me.. it's at times like this you really have a good reason to blurt out a loud "what the fuck". at times i try to figure out whether the relationship was a mistake but after pondering for a short while i didn't bother to find the answer cos it's simply pointless. the girl i loved isn't who she used to be anymore. so i met up with gl and sh around 2100 at gl's cafe to try his coffee. a little bitter but better than nothing.. at least it's cheaper than starbucks, the seats are good and i don't have to fight for smoking tables.

when gl finished work we left for paradiz centre to play pool, while waiting for a table we played photo hunt, we actually got a free credit. every game is worth 2 credit, i guess the previous player didn't know that and played 1 only. i had to pick ziyang up from peace centre cos he didn't know where's paradiz. so suaku right.. smu student don't know where's paradiz when it's like 400m radius away from his campus. i think it's a great way to chill and catch up. with these army friends there's really nothing to hide cos they really know you inside out. well not really inside out, but they've seen the worse side of you so there's no problem talking about anything under the sun. ziyang broke up with his gf after ord, seldom hear that happen huh.. stating there was no time for each other, like in camp you have all the time in the world like that. i think he's probably stressed out with his studies that's why. i always thought they were very close and solid. i don't understand why these people give themselves so much pressure.. or is it the society forcing them to the corner? i remember he used to lend me his ears during ndp rehearsals when i just broke up with her, when i was wondering why the hell am i making such a big sacrifice for the sake of duty. come to think about it, it's better knowing her true colours sooner. i guess i'm not the only one having problems during the 5 weeks in roc. biao and dave teo also broke up with their gals during this period. if we can't even stand 5 weeks apart then what's the point of a relationship?

i wanted to meet her for a while on tuesday before i go for training. i called her and she said she was going to meet this guy called alvin from pil but i never seen him before and melvin don't know who is he. i finally met him yesterday when he was wearing the sma polo. the first thing that came into my mind when i saw him was.. why is she hanging out with these guys.. the way she says it thought they are like super happening kind of people, but what a disappointment it was, i don't see how much more happening they are than i am. he asked me if i knew ben, i told him i saw him before but dono him. at that moment i remembered that they are friends and she got introduced to him by ben. my temperature rose for a while when i realised it, these were the fuckers that she was hanging out with when i was away and going clubs with her making her do things she doesn't like. i didn't blew my top. he doesn't know i'm her ex ( i think) and he can't spoil our relationship if we really were that solid. she was just never ever sure about herself.

it's quite sad i'm always diverting my day's topic into this issue but i just can't help it. and now when i start thinking about it, i just don't have the mood to carry on typing.