meet up with wc and sc

went down to pil at 11am to sign the letter of appointment. erica was there to brief me on the terms and etc.. aiyah actually also nothing much to brief about, it's all very basic employment conditions. i think i'm gonna downgrade her from very attractive to quite attractive..haha. after signing, i went down to ocean towers to do my medical check up. i don't think the doctor there is very professional loh.. they r more of businessman than doctors. it's like they only do private consultation for staff of companies, just imagine such a big company like pil every single staff is entitled to this clinic confirm will have a lot of business. went down to somerset to do my x-ray, very fast i was done within 15 min. just nice wc and sc were meeting today to go town so we met up for lunch and cs. i don't think i got another chance to meet them on a weekday afternoon anymore. sometimes it's good to be out on a weekday cos there's a smaller crowd in town and you can do your shopping slowly. we had lunch at mac, i felt kind of bad talking about roy in front of wc, but i just really can't stand him and the way he keeps pushing me for the job and the way he handles jy's case. we proceeded to paradiz to play lan.. we started off with cs then played heroes 6, i must say i really suck at that game, though i slowly got the hung of it i still sucked, it's confusing. i prefer cs just shoot and the guy dies, and it helps with some military knowledge. after knowing how much i sucked at heroes, we switched to play the cs pool map. i love that map, damn fun.. i set expert difficulty and 8 enemies, there was this point we can't even go out and shoot if not we'll surely die. our master plan was to each camp at the toilet cubicle and shoot anyone in sight, and it works! it sounds stupid but it's a lot of fun.

left at around 5.30pm to meet my family for dinner. we had dinner at waraku@katong. after that went to visit grandma at the hospital. i also don't know she was admitted till dad told me on sunday but that was when she wasn't at home for a few days already. i heard it's something to do with her stomach digestive system but i don't know what exactly is the problem. the doctor wants to speak to her children personally, honestly i think it should be pretty bad news especially given her old age. the worst thing is she still thinks she's ok. it's damn funny everyone's main purpose of going to the hospital was to visit her but all ended up talking among themselves in english like some sort of cny gathering, she felt kind of left out. oh well there's nothing i can do. so fast.. i'll be starting work next monday.. no more late nights in front of the tv!

another lost

didn't sleep well last night.. was thinking abt her the whole night, what's wrong with me. went to cdc after lunch, i kana the 10th mono scout as instructor again, i feel comfortable with him and driving on weekends feels more relaxed, less cars and the instructors wearing polo tee also makes the atmosphere more relaxing. we went through 4 test routes today, just nice i'm able to do the last 3 the next lesson. but i don't even know when is my next lesson, more than 1 mth away.. hahah!

had a 1930 game against khalsa today, lost to them 3-0 again, we played well but mistakes made them look good. lucky ashwin came back today so we have 11.. and more penetration up front. i played at right back the whole game, somehow i perform better at the back this season, i can't play forward against younger teams, they're much faster than me. i think i played quite well just that second goal i didn't put my stick down resulting in the goal. thinking of which i probably should have stick with the man instead eh.. if the keeper didn't kick it straight at him it would be another story. my hitting was terrible today, i only hit twice today and i missed both, sheesh. there was this one time this guy tried to jinx the ball over my stick when we going for a 50-50 ball, i stopped it with my stick slightly above the ground, experience counts! other than that, i really never ran so much throughout the whole season before man.. usually at forward i won't even receive the ball, at the back u need to follow the speed of the player.. good workout today. maxi brought his half thai half english girl to watch the game, i would be embarrassed if i were him. but thank god she isn't singaporean so can't really call her a spg. i was really hoping to see val today but too bad she didn't come, i also knew she wouldn't lah.. she come for what.

sian tomorrow need to go down to pil to sign the appointment letter, after that get present for mum. i wanted to go down for tp training tml but they're having dinner out. i just want to knock about preparing for my semis but they didn't seem happy cos sunday to tues i'll be playing hockey. if i play tml.. i'll be playing on mon, tue, thur, fri, sat, sun. 6 times a week! kevin told me he is still considering putting me in the scc 6s, i'm really crossing my fingers to break into the squad.

roasted

had a 1530 game agst ntu today, i don't know why these past few days i've been rather stressed to perform in preparation for the semis not realising i have still 2 weeks to go. i underestimated ntu, thinking we're able to gain an easy victory over them, i was wrong, we lost 4-2. my flu was taking effect especially playing at such heat, i never felt so hot inside before man, somemore ntu was a side that runs alot. once again, we didn't have a full squad and played with only 10 men. i couldn't go to the bench. i just couldn't sprint and couldn't perform. when the wind blew, i felt cold, shrugs. midway through the first half, danker swapped me with richard. i felt better at left back, not needing to do much running, and ntu being a more predictable unit. i think we have a real big problem with our attack but kevin never addresses the problem as a whole. i don't think it's a problem with the forwards cos we have been finding space, but it's just that danker's passes are either too hard or we don't even know where he's passing. even if he passes to the halfs (maxi, bernard). i just refuse to pass. maxi will be in his on world trying to get the ball out of the area and somehow lose it, bernard will try to beat one player, sees another in front and tries to beat him too.. so we run for nothing. the consolation was at least our 2 goals were from short corners, at least showing short corners do help. i did a pretty good job in defence, but my problem of concentration always comes in, leading to the last 2 goals. perhaps the last goal wasn't my fault, it's true it was into space but it was slow enough for tobey to run and catch it. whatever, just concentrate on tml's game and the semis.

it was the premier men and women's final. a number of tp players were here to watch. valarie was here, i finally saw her and she looks better than i thought. we smiled at each other, i really really wanted to talk to her but i was just too shy. i can't stop looking at her. i could have sat with the tp ppl at one table but i chose to sit with jonathan and wanting, playing gooseberry. i don't really want to sit with them cos i'm not even in tp and i'm not close to richard and jeremiah. i asked jeremiah if he could go to weston with me tml to look at sticks, he just said that he had church from morning till the game, wah it's like 10 over hours, dowanna go then say so lah. i mean we're still friends what. valarie tried to talk to me a little but i was quite nonchalant in answering, i'm really kicking my own ass right now.. sigh. i guess it's just not the right moment, and i don't even have her number. the best time i guess should be during the 6s, which i'll be playing and hopefully will get some attention..haha.

i was tired, probably due to the hot weather and medicine. i just couldn't sleep, subconsciously i'll think of val and got a bad headache in the middle of the night. i don't know what is it that drives me crazy but i know this time if i don't try i'll definitely regret. 6s.. my best bet!

i'm falling sick

gosh help me.. i'm falling sick, my block nose is getting from bad to worse guess i really need to visit the doctor tml. and the worse thing is i got 2 matches this weekend and i wanna go for tp training tml, to see the girls haha. i think i'm starting to like valerie though i've only spoke a little to her during the pimp night, but i really find her cute and pretty although she's short. but of cos, i still can't forget belle. i mean right now, i really enjoy spending time with her. why is that when we're together we never got to do the things we want to do together? maybe cos i was still in ns and time is precious. we wanted to go to the old man's restaurant ages ago but only got a chance to after we broke up. this friday we're going to chinese garden for lantern festival for the first time.

i went for cma cgm interview this morning, spoke to the agm abt the logistics position. it isn't so bad as i thought it was, it isn't entirely out of shipping, still a part of it. the only regret is i put my salary is 1.6k..shit man i really dono which job suits me. oh well don't hold too much hope till pil get back to me then i'm at the bargaining end. and it's pretty far, need to take a bus from harbourfront, but i think got shuttle svc. supposed to meet kimy for lunch but she forgotten all about it, so i went to weston to look at the hockey sticks, man they r so expensive i think i have to spend at $200 on a stick. in the end, i met belle for lunch, we went to eat the wanton mee and then walk around cold storage for the remaining 25min. i guess we really like each other's company now and i do cherish the moments when i'm with her, maybe cos we don't meet often so we have a lot to talk about. sigh, but i don't think we'll ever be together again. if it's only about us i can change but it's also about my family so things are pretty complicated.

i had sometime to spare before driving lesson so i hung around orchard library and borrowed a clive cussler book, it's been i think 2 years since i read his book already. i totally stopped reading after i enlisted, mostly just economist during the 1st year and some army books after that. i revised my test routes today, things went on quite well but i think i'll fail cos of careless mistakes if this was a test. i like this instructor, soft spoken so i won't feel stressed. this is like the 3rd time i kana him in the last 5 times.

really hope i'm in good condition to play this weekend. i need to train myself for the semis, gain back sharpness and score some goals to maintain some momentum so that i'll peak in time.

if only i can hold you again

i've been so busy writing up the entry for the ns journey that i have not blogged for a week man. last weekend was pretty ok.. had match on both days. we lost to csc 5-1 and then beat ora 8-0 on sunday. the csc game was crap, i hate those csc players.. fucking mats. kevin told everyone the wrong timing.. it was supposed to be 1500 game but he told us 1530. i called him at 1445, and he had to quickly inform the players quickly, like mobilisation sia. we started off with 9 men, holding them well for 25min then tobey scored an own goal, it was unlucky but i hoped that would at least shut his gab. i was playing center half with danker, wasn't very tiring since we just played in our own half most of the time.. there were no forwards. we played smart hockey, compacting the middle and forcing them to hit lousy balls to the forwards. too bad, we conceded another 2 goals within 30sec.. and we totally lost the game.

the ora game was a very easy one as they were without their main man, there was really anyone that could control their team. it was a far cry from the narrow 1-0 win we had on the first leg. kong scored first from a short corner.. then daniel and jeremy made it 3-0. we were at least making use of our chances. when i went in at the first half.. i missed a couple of good chances. second half was ok.. we scored 2 and i was involved in both... constructing one and scoring another.

went for pil interview on fri. i was late for 3 min man.. i was rushing like mad, everything wasn't going well. first, i was supposed to be on time there at 1045.. but i needed to pee urgently and the station's toilet was under renovation. so i went to international plaza, and i couldn't find theirs too cos the whole bloody building is renovating. so i had to walk all the way to the other side of tanjong pagar mrt to the cecil st exit. my directions was to walk opposite the traffic direction to pil building but when i did i ended up at anson road, lucky i used to work here so i know it was wrong. so i had to call them for directions but it wasn't clear, it sounds so cheem. in the end i did find it after much hassle and thanks to my fast march experience i wasn't very late but i was sweating like mad in my office attire. thankfully, i found a toilet there. i went into the hr dept, a young lady named erica greeted me, wow she's really hot.. well a lil thin but pretty. she was the one who gave me directions.. man if only i knew that was her. when i saw her, it was like instant attraction. if i do get that job, i would really love to date her. but the sad thing is, she wasn't the one who interviewed me. daphne came in and asked me a whole lot of questions.. basically knowing me inside out. gosh this was worse than ocean tankers.. at least she brought the relevant dept heads to see me too. then came linda, the asst trade manager.. gosh what a fat bitch. she kept putting me down and stuff.. telling me that i'm very active and the job is 100% deskbound and gonna be boring for me. i'm like duh.. of cos i know it.. then what you expect all office workers to be boring is it? after that then she say, of cos we are not saying we want a totally boring person for the job, we are also active. fuck man then you talk so much cock to me for what. and i thought her crap was over.. she called the trade manager over and he asked me all the same questions again.. fucking cheebye.. why don't you guys come together.. and that linda also never tell him that she ask already. that linda like very serious like that then suddenly when william come she cock so much. somemore they can laugh among themselves, i mean i'm the interviewee? i just heard from leonard that that boon jun is working at pil too. i pray and hope we're not in the same department.. i avoided him in camp and hoped so much we won't work together.. leave this to fate huh.

later at night, i went to indoor stadium to watch the international muay thai championships. some of the platoon were there to support ah biao. he was the better fighter, unfortunately the judges kayu didn't let him win. hard luck. ps was there too.. he bought a powerboat!! hahaa damn funny. i asked him if he took his ppcdl.. this was how the conversation gone..
me: so u took ur ppcdl oredi?
ps: yah i taking now.. got 1 theory 2 prac..i pass the theory already. but i tell u ah drive boat different from car, normal drive can but parking damn jialat one. that time i try to park the boat ah.. i go go go then langar the side!
me,mac,sh: hahahhaa langar!!
we had supper at bedok 85 courtesy to kg and sy's vehicles. this would probably the last time we meet for a long time.

went out with her today again. we planned to go chinese garden to see the lantern festival thing. after planning it i kind of had second thoughts cos we shouldn't be meeting so often. she bought inez birthday present.. the creative zen stone. we went to outback steakhouse to try the thunder from downunder.. ok only lah. it was brownie with vanilla ice cream. took a train to tiong bahru to catch evan almighty, at last just before it finishes. the cinema was cold.. i really felt like holding her hand, but i didn't. we went to clarke quay to walk walk and see the lantern festival celebrations. it was raining so we walked around central. as we walked i thought, maybe she would relive her feelings for me. but i straight away dismissed that thought, i remembered when she said she wanted someone she cannot live without, someone stable.. both of which i don't suit at all. i felt so lousy about myself.. i asked myself why the hell am i even out with her.. why am i still so close? i don't even stand a chance..once she has someone else all this will change. as the song goes.. love just ain't enough. i have to move on.. but how can i.. my heart hurts. the woman i'm walking side by side with, we used to hold hands.. i would kiss her whenever i feel like it, but now i can just kiss my sorry ass. if it was before, we would be so happy having such a romantic night out. it was a cold night, and i would hold her. i miss her.. i really do. she put her head on my shoulder in the train. i wanted to hold her hand to keep her warm, i didn't do it. i just didn't have the balls to. i have no answer to why she put her head on my shoulder, didn't bother to seek for it. i told myself probably i should hug her when i see her to the gate, she just said bye and left, her eyes told me she just wanna sleep. it just wasn't right, we are really just friends. oh well, even if i had a stable career already and she comes back to me.. should i even give it a go? this isn't how love works.. it's unconditional. i love her but she loved me. she changed.. i didn't. if there's anything harder to understand other than rocket science, it's human relationships.

NS Recollections

Time flies, 2 years have come and gone. during this time, a lot of changes have happened. my girlfriend has left me, my buddy has left the world, i have changed personally. thinking back, i never regretted my time spent serving the country, it has been a very meaningful experience. i have seen many kinds of people.. geeks, ah bengs who changed, ah bengs who never change, uneducated but nice people, kind, etc and i made some good friends. i just feel like expressing my thoughts on this 2 years.. it was big sacrifice nonetheless but it's all worth it. here are the profiles of the different men from my platoon whom i spent 1.5 yrs with.. some i don't want to mention cos i don wanna waste my time on them or am not close.

Kang Guan- knew him since day 1.. once from the MO club, who would expect he would get ippt gold? always has a very exaggerating reaction. conservative fella.. don't like people to act gay or pinch his nipples.. haha

Weicai - knew him from the recce interview in bmt. initially i thought he was some mr nice guy.. like quite polite ah.. but he turned out to be retarded!! hahaha. the joker of the platoon.. never fails to amuse people with his crazy antics. very fit also.. always the clear ippt and soc at the first try while i keep on going at it.

Ah Lum - mr holy holy. he has been devotionally writing his revelation and reading his bible every single day we're in camp. sometimes when he's pissed he'll still give u a politically neutral answer, it's ok i know sometimes u just wanna say.. "who the fuck he think he is?!" but u can't. a very fast runner too.. 2.4km i tink 9.2 min.. very impressive.

Seng Choong - i thought he was ok but he turned out to be so gayish.. and he just got worser as each day passes. he needs weicai in his life. he walks kinda gay, start buying purple t-shirt and he's got weak lungs! but nvm lah get used to it. nonetheless, a pretty helpful friend. it's just that, i still don't understand how he thinks.

Mingjie - a perfect make of a smart person.. cos all the smart alecs are weird. this guy is so slim he hide in between the locker and the bed u can't even see him.. like ju-on. he never fail to surprise you with his actions. at one point he may be sleeping, the next he'll just wake up and whack you. he's a pro at ignoring people he dislikes.

Yew Yee - this guy is a perfect example of comic overdose. spends all his time and money on the weekends on comics.. and he brings 8 books to camp to read every week.. just imagine his collection at home. he behaves like a.. gentle giant from some kids educational programme. he is one of those whoz fitness just suddenly improved.

Jenn Yueh - classic ancient china hero. i really respect him from the bottom of my heart.. cos he's so thrifty.. he can resist all sorts of temptation, even at taiwan he spends minimal. he is a very upright person, never willing to report sick or fall out cos he believes he has a role to play in the team. can't tell from his look, he loves wwe and he loves parade just like me. he's in love with the contingent sm from the police goh at ndp 07.

Macwyn - i thought weicai was easy to bully. he's even easier, that's why everyone bullies him.. except me..haha. he's like me, like to try new things.. adventurous. he's got a lot of weird board games at home. i'm still baffled how he can do some many chin ups.

Guoli - he's really good in chinese.. but he's not a chinaman like golfer.. he speaks not bad english. he's a one woman man..but too bad the woman don't appreciate him. happy go lucky kind of person.. never really see him stressed out about anything. fun to be around with, i sat that u-shaped rollercoaster with him twice!

Eric- i don't understand how his mind works. i know he can be playing game for the whole day. he would borrow psp or ds from others and play the night through while everyone is sleeping.. amazing.

Shuyu- a neutral person but quite suay cos he always get accused for cao geng. he has a good attitude, training himself.. achieving a silver in the end.. he was a zero fighter when he came in i think.

Ziyang- he's a obedient and nice goat..hahha. he always complains but never do anything in the end. he's a good listening ear when u need him though he isn't of much help.

Biao- my smoking kaki outfield and in camp. i forgot how many sticks have i given to him.. but ok lah i'm not so calculative. very fit guy.. motivates the people around him to improve their fitness. he's got this amazing ability to remember routes. i think not many people has really seen him shag.. but i have..haha.

Siew Hou- the shortest man of the platoon yet the oldest..what irony. he's also a fast runner. he's a pretty serious guy.. cannot play those physical jokes with him wan.. at least he has a strong passion for something.. and that is cars.

Boys to Men
10th September 2005- d-day for me as i was due for enlistment. i didn't know what to expect as i have never undergone regimentation in my entire life. i joined scouts and sjab in my primary and secondary school respectively but i quit within 3 months because i couldn't take the regimentation and i was not made for such hands on stuff. it was a saturday afternoon, i had all my daily necessities ready.. alarm clock, underwear, sleeping attire and some stuff i bought from beach rd which would seem useless afterwards. i had kuay chap with mum,dad,popo at macpherson.. i remember the clock seemingly ticking so fast.. i would be away for 2 weeks. i wore my esprit jeans and adidas bag and reported to safft. i remember politely asking some sergeant something and he was so guai lan towards me can, i didn't dare say anything, i was just a recruit.

i still remember vividly on this day today, 9th sept, ying er was still in school. she just suddenly messaged me in the afternoon telling me she wants to see me after school cos i'm gonna be away for 2 weeks. i've already spent almost everyday with her one week prior to enlistment and also on the 8th, she cried. it just feels nice to be loved like that, unfortunately 1 year plus later it would not be the same scenario, being away for 5 weeks and not even half of that urgency. maybe i just dwell too much in the past but i think the past are important reflections of what we are today. so as i said in my earlier entry, i got cheated of my pink ic and to the audit for oath taking. i was with amos, hardly the company you will want but no choice, he's the only person familiar around there. i met kang guan at the audit, we exchanged a few words but later on he was posted to another platoon. haha maybe it's fate, it the end we still land up in 1 SIR scout platoon. after the meal with my parents, 1SG Didicazli brought us to get our duffel bags and boots. it was so ding dei.. imagine climbing up 3 storeys with civilian bag on my arm, duffel bag on the other and boots on the hand. 1SG Didi was already starting to clear his leave, he's handing over his duties to chung.. imagine when you just enlisted and you have to contemplate with the sight of someone going to ord.. it sucks! 3SG Chung went through the list of things that we are suppose to have. all of us had a blur look on our faces, who would know what's a toggle rope, L-torch, sbo, No.4., admin attire for a normal layman like us, we'll just know them as rope, torch light, that bag which looks like a vest, green uniform, army t-shirt. sometimes i really don't understand why saf must make those things sound so cheem. a very good example is ASA (administrative support asst) and logistics asst. what the hell clerk means clerk lah.. storeman means storeman.. need to name until so nice meh? anyway, for 3 months i'll go through thick and thin with this hawk platoon 3 section 3.

the confinement weeks were hell, we did mostly PT focussing on agr and strength training to build up our fitness. we were always punished because of some cocksters in the platoon that were uncooperative and did a lot of push ups. of course, the only people you can really count on during these hard times were your section mates. i remember being closer to ivan and rudy in the beginning to discuss about our girlfriends. it was always good to talk about such things to divert your mind away from military life. i was in culture shock, there were a lot of military jargons to learn, i had to learn tying knots, handling straps, taking instructions and not having a say in it though i know it's stupid, sweating it out in the sun and then rushing to quickly change into no.4 for some talk without bathing. it was hard, but we learn to pull through. each day, we sing songs to count down our time to our first book out. we had to earn it, chin ups before every meal. i really sucked, i was the worse, i went in as zero fighter and i think only after 1 month i managed to pull 1. subsequently, i managed to pull 4 standard ones by pop. i missed home dearly, during the 1st week i almost cried when i spoke to my family and belle. i missed belle a lot, it was only through my ns did i started to cherish her.. of course i hoped it wasn't too late. i would message her early in the morning when i wake up at 0530 before training to tell her how much i missed her. i would sms her whenever i can in the day and never fail to call her at 2130 and talk till 1030 when lights out. i loved her, she was understanding towards my service and knew i didn't choose to be here rather than spending time with her. she knew whatever time i had i would spend it with her, even on weekends. we hardly quarreled, most of the time just consoling her cos she missed me too much. i felt she was different, unlike other girls who run away with other guys when their bf is in camp. she was my pillar of strength, the only drive to keep me going during my route marches, even in unit, when i'm worn out and feel like giving up.. i would think about her.. erasing my tiredness.. just telling myself to walk faster, "the faster i finish this, the faster i'll get to book out and meet her".

i remember meeting her on my first book out. i so missed holding her. that day, i pampered myself by going to andersens at suntec to enjoy some ice cream. she had the brownie and i think i had banana split. she cried again when i needed to book in, already spending maximum time with her was not enough but there was nothing i can do. every week was like this, she would come over to my place and take a bus from pasir ris interchange, by the time she reach home was probably 9pm.

7 days field camp made things worse. no handphones were allowed so i was not even allowed to call her for 7 days. i remember having to spend my 1st anniversary in the field, not even allowed to sms her. the weekend before that was hari raya, we celebrated our anniversary in advance. we had lunch at far east. i bought her a fossil watch. she bought me a nike jersey, nike cap and adidas perfume. the first time out in the field was terrible, it was raining for a few nights that even our basha was of no use, water started to seep in and our uniform were all wet. alex and i were cursing inside. alex was great, i liked him, he could work but never does extra stuff. although we were all tired, we worked together fast to build our basha quick so that we can settle down quicker. we had section trainings, arty training and concealment. another good friend was zhenhui, never failing to help others, outspoken and ever a optimist. he would have made a good commander if he wasn't unfit. i remember it rained on our last night.. we had to dig our shell scrapes, i was suffering, even needed rudy's help. eventually, i did finish it. it looks all good, damn shiok can have a hole to sleep in.. and having field pack as a pillow. then it started to rain. i couldn't sleep already cos the rain kept splashing on my face. i got up and saw ah de, zhenhui, ivan, alex talking on one side and joined them. it was starting to turn cold so we cooked some noodles and shared. the field camp was probably almost the end of bmt. we just spent our night chatting and talking about our training so far, and how our future will be after we separate. bmt was like our childhood.. just like how we are military infants. i was so surprised to see in the morning some people could actually sleep in the mud, they are really there man. one of the many things which i appreciate from chung is his ability to discipline his men. he doesn't look fit but does have his way, he is never afraid to scold others. he is also a perfectionist in drills, always expecting the best.. he always say that drills are a reflection of a platoon's discipline. needless to mention, our drills were the best among all the 5 platoons and our discipline tip top, we were always earlier than the others.

midway through bmt, i had a MP interview and recce interview. i never expressed interest in MP so i never got in. i was thinking kranji camp is so far away from home. i was banking on the hope that safsa will send the letter for me to post me to guards.. it's at bedok and so near to home. unfortunately, it made no difference as i was posted to mandai hill camp. during the recce interview, i met weicai who was at hawk platoon 5. i remember looking in awe at capt teo beo khon, sgt jason and ps yuen. i was thinking who were these people in jungle hats. my oc is only a lta and here comes a capt.. like one of the biggest shot i've ssen. my ps was a 3sg.. this 1sg must be damn fierce. capt teo told us he was from 1SIR support coy and we are here today cos we are almost confirmed to joined the strength in 1sir. i was like shit, am i not going to guards anymore? sgt jason interviewed me and told me all sort of bullshit to psycho me to join scouts. i guess almost every single one in the room refused to join cos they heard of how siong it is. too bad, the fact that we are there we were already selected. one thing that really attracted me to scouts is wearing the jungle hat and not needing to wear my helmet anymore. i hated the helmet, it just feels like shit around my head.. so uncomfortable. also, i heard they wanted people who can run, at that point running was my forte so i felt i could contribute to the platoon. we were also told that we will be trained to be the elites of the battalion.. which i think is still true.

and so i POP on 7 december.. finally free from pulau tekong. soon after that, i organised a section steamboat at my house and we brought our girlfriends if we have one. ivan brought grace and ah de brought victoria. not the entire section was invited, only zhenhui, ivan, alex, ah long, ah de. we great fun talking about our bmt days and played some murderer game after dinner. it was fun. at the end, these are where the different individuals got posted to:
Huat - MP PC at 6 sir Jacobson - ATGM fall out at 1 sir
Ah Long - MP spec Alex - Line spec downgrade/ CQ at 3 guards
Ivan - Signal spec at 7 sib Ah De - Signal ps at stagmont
Zhenhui - Signaller at 6 sir Me - Scout at 1 sir

Men to True Soldiers
i remember the first day reporting to mandai hill camp. i don't know what to expect, we weren't greeted very nicely. as i walked through the mustering square, the batch from the mono were all standing at the railings mocking us who came from tekong.. it wasn't the best welcome one could get. S1 asked me to follow him to the hq lecture room, i dutiful listened cos i was wondering who was this captain. although my bmt oc looks much fitter than him, i was amazed how come this guy was a capt, must have some special capabilities. we were made to go to the drill hall, ps made a introduction of the scope of the platoon, say until damn nice only, no need to fight.. we are very special and all these crap.. only smart people can become scout. we were introduced to the first yr commanders, my first impression was wah these guys look so young, do i really need to call them sgt? all of us took turns for interview with the 3 sect com and ps. i was interviewed by this damn fierce guy named sgt ang.. all i knew was his english was damn bad..haha! i remember how the interview went..
sgt ang: so how any problem with this place?
me: er not really.. very far.
sgt ang: far meh? singapore how big only where got far?!
me: *lan lan suck thumb*
we were told briefly on our training schedule for the mono.. bike course in feb, lancer in april, ispc in july, taiwan in march. it all sounds damn fast and cool, but a lot of preparation were needed to be done for all these activities. we were split into 3 bunks, 1 was a 4 man bunk. i quickly went to chope bed.. just didn't want a corner bed. i had a lot of familiar faces in my bunk. weicai the mr nice guy with 5 fingers at that time was sleeping beside me, melvin i knew through sit test, raymond was ralph's friend, augustine my bmt mate. that afternoon, ps asked us to fall in and to report all our injuries. he scrapped away 11 out of the 24 people in the original platoon he felt were people who cannot make it,and in came another 11..people like nick, kg, sc. we were all very fit during the initial period leading to the vehicle courses.. we had pt sessions every now and then, power pt really improved our fitness a lot.

come feb 2006 we had our bike course. the drivers were deployed a few weeks earlier for their jeeps course, for them the driver slot is almost guaranteed. i must say those days were really the time we had the most fun, we had our sect coms and pcs learning the course together with us. it was a stay out course and it was near home so i could always go out if i wanted to.. at least i managed to spend valentine's day that year, too bad it didn't went too well. many of us didn't have civilian license and wouldn't consider getting a 2B cos it's too dangerous, well at least this is a good chance for us to try something we will only do in army. after the bike course, lta joel interviewed us to better understand what appointment we would like..basically only basher and signaller was available. i chose to be a signaller, cos i felt i would do better with coms and the chance to ride the bike was to hard to resist. in the end, i was selected to go to 54E with sgt gavin, langar, seng choong, biao, ruixiong.

21 april we departed for brunei, our first overseas training stint being only 5 months old. everyone was saying how siong brunei was and all that. we really needed proper training before walking through the deep terrain. the platoon carried 3/4 jerry can to the cookhouse every meal, and there was also route marches to boost our combat fitness and to also train the battalion up for csb. that was a terrible period for me, with the problems i'm having back in singapore and needing to leave it all behind to focus on my training. sometimes, i felt like crying, felt like giving up. it was very tough, climbing knoll after knoll not knowing where the hell we are and still needing to find the check point, you know it's very near on the map but u may need to walk very far to reach it. i remember during ex confirmation, we had to walk abt 3km on the track to the landing zone which was also our resupp point, the weather was so hot and we were drained out like mad, we treated vaji like god when we saw him coming with ice cold 100 plus. i just laid there touching the can on my body to cool off. i took one pack of bubur terigu and threw it into the ice box, it was cold when i took it out, it was shiok man! it doesn't help that last light was very early, i think around 1700 to 1730.. i still needed to set up my dipole, hammock, powder bath and eat dinner, all these making use of the remaining light. in brunei, when it's last light it's totally pitch black, even a torch light can only help this much. thankfully, seng choong really helped me a lot. he really suffered in brunei, carrying my stuff on top of his, as well as his saw, his load was heavy. no choice, i needed to carry the signal set and i've only a small field pack to content with. at last light, he would help me with my hammock while i'm setting up the dipole. everyone would be sleeping at night and i'll be lying on the hammock manning coms. there were nights which were real bad, i remember there was one night it started raining very heavily for the whole night.. i harboured far away from the rest, probably around 10m away cos my tree i chose to throw the dipole was there while the rest slept around each other. it was cold that night, they lit up the candles to keep themselves warm while i could just stay there cos even the ground was so muddy and i did not have my boots on. my clothes were all wet, the groundsheet didn't help much, i cuddled myself and smoked to keep warm. at that time, the only thing that kept me sane was cigarettes and my adidas watch which she bought for me, i'll always light it up at night to see whenever i miss her out in the field.

swamp walk was another defining moment. we took 6hrs to finish the 2km walk. through it, we walked through swamp and crossed rivers. at the very start i got stuck in the swarm, sc, sgt cai and some others had to help me up, the mud was at chest level already i thought i was just gonna die there cos each time they use more force to pull me they will go deeper into the mud. section 3 linked up with section 2. ps led in the navigation while biao did the bashing, chopping off the trees that were in the way. canteen sessions were great cos the food in the cook house was bad. we ate from metal trays that were sometimes still oily cos they always ran out of dish washing liquid so we could only use water. moreover, the portion was always so little. we would go to the canteen after nomad, swamp walk and confirmation. each time we went there, we ate like hungry ghost, stuffing our stomachs with everything that we possibly can. i spent most of my time with seng choong, bitching about sgt max, changzhi and his heroics, swamp walk, etc. our favourite topic was always sgt max, cos we both can't stand him. when you start to go through hardship, you can really see who are the people you can really trust. these 3 weeks in brunei i have concluded that sgt max and rx totally don't deserve my respect at all even if they are in my team. sgt max is selfish and unwillingly to give room for mistakes even when you're new. just because i didn't water proof my signal set properly and just because i don't know something doesn't mean i don't deserve to be in the team. remember, we hadn't even gone though ispc but you have, he was suppose to mentor me. even at ord parade i was sitting beside ah biao, he didn't even say hi.

the rnr was very memorable. even in such a screwed up place like brunei, we're just happy to be out of the jungle and within civilisation. me, nick, sc, wc, mj hung out together, we just felt happy that we'll be back home the next day. i remember us sharing a tub of ice cream outside the shopping centre and seng choong buying his stupid you tiao. at night after dinner, we chilled at a cafe watching F1. that night, schmaucher finally won alonso.. nick explained to us how to watch F1. all of us were nearly broke from our canteen sessions, thanks to lta joel's advice not to bring so much cash. brunei's cigarettes were cheap so i kept smoking so i could buy more, hahah i guess i smoke too much that night i became giddy and felt like puking. just needed a rest badly.

after resting for abt 2 weeks from lancer, we needed to get ready for ispc already. we were in the course together with the men from adf. they were also the same people we met at the bike course. it was tough, i would say even tougher than brunei. brunei was tough because of the weather, but this is tough physically. most notably was the 12km fast march and ex long walk. before this, the maximum we had for fast march was 8km in sbo at tekong. but this is 12km in fbo. again, there were times i felt like giving up, i remember martin was there to push me and so was sgt jason. i just couldn't push myself faster any furthur. long walk was the most gruelling of it all, i don't even know how much we walked, i only know we started around 1500 or 1600 and finished around 7 plus in the morning.. it was more than 12 hrs long of walk through the night. wearing tights didn't work, i still had abrasions on my inner thigh. that night, weikai and sgt gan followed us.. weikai did well with the navigation.. sgt gan walked super fast that everyone else couldn't catch up with him. we walked through the cemetery.. i though it was supposed to be eerie, we were told not to eat pork. it wasn't that scary after all, even late in the night there were people burning joss paper, banglas sitting around. we even slept in the cemetery and at the bus stop. it's really an experience of a lifetime.. i wouldn't dare sleep in a cemetery again. and then there was ex network, which we were out there for 4 days, but it didn't feel very bad maybe cos it was 2 exercises combined into 1 so we had different missions. that was also the only time i went to recce but i didn't even see enemies. we had many memorable times in ispc, sweating it out together. those were also the time where people start to downgrade cos they can't take it or dono what reasons, some others may feel tempted to follow suit but we stood by our own conscience. unfortunately, the most saddening part of our ns experience was also a death of a good friend.

we came back on 29th june 2006 from ex network, slept for one night followed by cst on the next day which is a friday. it was suppose to be a one day training to teach us how to find food, build shelter. for this course, we also had to each kill a frog or an eel and eat it before we go outfield for 3 days without food the following week. it was a book out day and the next day was my birthday. i missed ying er so much i even wrote some stuff on my notebook wondering what she'll get for me for my birthday. i sent nick home that day after picking my mum up from bkt merah. he looked pretty upset that day.. and asked me how to control his temper. he envied me for having ppl to celebrate his birthday with him.. and i told him we can always celebrate with him mah. after dropping him off at his home, my father suddenly felt the van parked outside his house somewhat familiar, i called nick to verify and indeed it was his mums. my dad and his mum were business partners. damn funny how the world is so small huh?

ying er came over to stay that night. early in the morning of 1st July 2006, my 21st birthday, i was still sleeping with ying er in my arms when my father called me telling me to calm down first, my friend had committed suicide and died. he didn't sound like he's joking, but i needed some time to digest the information. i knew he had problems with his girlfriend and i knew when he told me she must be the reason, i just couldn't find a reason strong enough to justify a suicide. reality has struck, i had to inform the rest of the platoon, yet it still felt as if if i called him he would still answer the phone. it was still unacceptable until i really see him at his place of peace. i called pc, he thought i was joking, still say wanna charge me.. i had to convince him man. that was a busy morning, calling people and receiving the same shock expressions and explaining to each of them one by one. tat day i had to go down to sib with ps while marinating the chicken wings halfway. don't think it's right to elaborate more.. but the good thing is many people remember him still. we had our admin shirt in memory of him.. someone set up a friendster memorial for him.. people still talk abt him. and me, another less smoking kaki.why didn't he think abt those people who cared abt him before resorting to this?

after 1 mth of poi duty, the whole battalion started to prepare for atec stage 1. we had to revise on all our drills... ccac, mg, vehicles, infiltration..blah blah. ccac was the most tedious one cos we keep forgetting and not being medics we don't deal with these everyday. before that we turn ops, which was also lta joel's last outfield. it was very respectable of him, going outfield with us though he's already in his last week. that few months was our busiest, always going outfield for exercises and all, became pretty immune to outfield comditions already. the only sian part is food, even canned food doesn't fit the bill now man. ever since i ate bah teng outfield, i never dared eat it at home already. we all did well for stage 1, scoring a redcon 1. one of my goals was to get the best combat unit but its a collective effort of the battalion. i wanted it because i always wanted to be in the ndp goh.. and to do that we had to win the bcu. who could forget ex pegasus.. all of us seem to run out of water.. the weather was so dry during that period we had to constantly hydrate ourselves cos the next minute our lips will dry up again. i still remember going to find frv with sgt jason, gavin and pc. the vegetation was pretty thick and pitch black.i was left with sgt jason to go back to rv.. but he can tell me he dono how to go back.. and tell me that he's very tired.. imagine your sergeant tell u that?! lucky he's not my tc.

the best part of my national service is of course going to taiwan, fighting atec and ex high noon. unlike brunei, we are all closer to each other already and more experienced so we would learn to look at things more positively. most importantly, i didn't leave singapore with a laden heart. it was cool, we flew eva air and the seats were more spacious than sq man.. and some of the stewardess were quite pretty too. upon arrival at kaohsiung, we still had to sit a 2hr coach to heng chun. it was hot when we first arrived but it started to turn cold a few days later. i was feeling damn fucked up when i first saw the bunk, double decker with wood below and not spring. i mean tats alright, but there's not cupboard so where are we gonna put our things? we haven't even unpacked and it's already so disorganised.. and we had to walk so far to the toilet and one company shares one. imagine wanna pee also must think twice. general life there is ok, the cookhouse is air-conditioned, canteen not bad, cheap cigarettes, internet room, basketball court. after some time, i adapted to it well just like how a infantrymen should be. we spent abt 1 week or so to prepare ourselves for atec.. drawing stores, zeroing our tes system, tying down soi. everyone started to turn serious, even the troopers, we knew we all had a role to play. we had countless inspirational speeches by rsm and co.. and some happy hr shit to boost our morale. i was happy, free beer and tian bu la. my only regret in atec was not having the chance to go recce at all, wasn't given a chance to share the load. there was this once we were sleeping in the mango plantation, an auntie peed in front of us only to realise we were behind after that, i saw her whole butt can! hahha! then for mission 2, we went up a high point to stand off, that was great, even had shelter loh.. no close in recce. the bad thing is, with pc around i can't sleep. the cold front has set in and it was very windy at night, being at high ground is even worst, we only had goretex jacket to content with. thankfully, there were tables so we laid them to shield us from the wind. i smoked quite a lot that night, to stay awake and to keep warm. biao shiok only, sleep the whole night. i guess the receiving party of my coms can even hear the wind loh. after atec, we had a nights out at kenting, nothing much there, only remember going into almost every convenience store to look for "la sup" to buy back to camp, as well as some cup noodles to eat for supper. ex high noon, who could forget the super chilly nights which temperatures dipped to 15.. or is it 7 degrees. we had to set big fires to keep ourselves warm. people were getting hypothermia.. the first night was raining.. it was terrible. biao and i had milo noodles that first night. 2nd day was still cold, even when i pee got steam sia. at night, we went to collect our night snacks. while waiting, it was so cold we had to hide in the rover to keep ourselves warm. it was damn shiok, we had taiyang bing, bubor hitam for night snack. during aso, the whole team went out to cook cup noodles to share, come to think back i kinda miss these team bonding days..haha. oh and during aso, we went to buy food from ninja van while waiting for 2ic to come back from orders. wow eating tian bu la and the zua ping is absolutely fantastic. really missed the taste badly. it was definitely our last outfield and we were all happy about it. the last few days was really relaxing, we spent our time in the canteen watching movies, eating, playing bball, frisbee, etc. by the first 2 days we have already returned all our stores. we went to heng chun town for nights out, that was my favourite day out man. we tried all sorts of different food and chilled at this small cafe. i liked the town, it had everything that the people needed and it was quiet, no hassle of the typical city life. i was constantly thinking about home, but i guess she must be out with her friends, i could feel she didn't miss me as much anymore.. never even hear her saying she missed me.

we went to taipei for rnr.. it was around 10 hr bus ride to taipei. along the way, we visited 1 theme park, the one with the giant drop. i love theme parks, it leaves me in a world of zero worries. the theme parks in taipei is great, nobody one so u don't have to queue long for the ride. our hotel was not too bad, at least there was hot water and porn channel. we went to ximen ding and shihlin night market only cos we only had 2.5days. there was really nothing much at shihlin loh, i think it's pretty overrated. only the xxl chicken was nice.. and the puppies there really cute. oh and the few us spent alot of money at the games section.. playing that archery thing to earn that small lil pillow which i gave to ying er..now it's in my room but nobody uses it. our last half day had most returns, that was where i bought most of my things. first, we went to the temple to pray, it was a big temple, a lot of gods to pray to, then we took a train down to ximen ding. i bought my nike sneakers and t-shirt from there. the hello kitty stuff there were also very cheap so i got one set for her. not forgetting, the ah zhong mee sua is sibei shuang man!! how to describe man.. for $2.50 per bowl it's good worth. the broth is damn tasty and thick.. then they have a lot of ingredients.. intestines, pig stomach, oyster not like the one in singapore only got 2 oyster. jing jing you wei.

Maintaining The Soldiering Image
i was called back on a Saturday to take part in ndp rehearsal, it was still my block leave from roc. i had hardly enjoyed myself and keep my gf company and now ndp? i was getting really pissed. being in ndp means all saturdays burnt till national day. i left for taiwan in mid march.. which means i would have no saturdays for 5 months! i must admit my first saturday out after ndp, i was really not used to it. my relationship was already in shams having been away for 5 weeks and now this.. i was starting to feel afraid. i had a choice to go thailand for kocha singa for 2 weeks but i chose not to.. partly because i don't want to be away totally for 2 weeks, at least i'm here with her still. besides, i always wanted to be in ndp, though this time i won't be in no.1.. i figured out no.4 also not so bad.. not as if i am the performers, and this year i will be the first to step into the floating platform, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. hence, i took the risk for national pride. although we were nearing out ord date, we all had to maintain our professionalism and disciplaine to the public in order not to disgrace ourselves as soldiers. it's really not about saf but ourself as individuals. i mean we can't possibly let people criticise us for the identity we built for more than a year right? so just like that, saturday by saturday passed by, we had full dress rehearsals for 5 weeks. come to think about it, lucky we weren't in the goh if not wednesday there's training also. on top of that, there was still saf day. i still don't understand why they needed so many saturdays for the supporting contingents, it was very simple drills. when national day arrived, there was no amount of words to express how proud i was to be there, marching out from the tunnel hearing the kids scream. no doubt there were big sacrifices to be made, but pride comes with a price.

on 9th July, another half of my dream was fulfilled. though i couldn't wear no.1 in ndp, i could do it for 1 sir's 50th anniversary. it was the unit's golden jubilee and we needed to troop the colours, which means we had to slow march and do other difficult drills, all these to be achieved with a high drill standard cos every move we make can be easily spotted in the no.1. only one contingent troops the colour, so rsm had to pick the best out of the 4 companies. i wanted to be in that contingent so i did my best during the selection and got picked with weicai and robin. although this mono is fucked up, i'm honoured to be part of the unit cos she has a rich heritage. the unit's growth has helped singapore grow.. providing the necessary security for the country to grow economically. we had only one week to prepare for this parade and we couldn't screw it up cos coa and defence minister as well as other VIPs will be around. we all worked extremely hard that week, perfecting the tukak haluan.. slow march and marching in straight rows. in the end, it was all worth it cos i could see all of them wanting to make things work. it was also the first time i've seen all 4 companies coming to work together to want to make things right. we were perfect during the div com vetting but we screwed up on the actual day. oc gave the command to early and got everyone confused to the berhenti.. it was just that very last moment. everything was going on really well.

Saying Goodbye
as august approached, people started to leave. weicai, siew hou, macwyn all ord.. yew, mingjie, ruixiong all disrupted. suddenly we have 6 people lesser. even the specs had some who left. i had no one to play soccer with anymore. people start to change.. trying whatever they can to get out of camp. most of time, u won't see changzhi, ah biao, zhaocai. i've not spoken to eric for a long time.. oso dono what's up with him. there was nothing much to "do together".. i wanted to like call for a last power pt or smtg.. but in the end i felt there was no point cos not the whole platoon is around.. even the bbq was called off.

only at the last week did the whole platoon managed to be in camp. we spent the whole week practicing our ord parade drills. i went jogging with sc and jy.. after which we sat on the track chit chatting. as i jogged on the cmtl carpark, i realised the view on top is indeed a sight but i never appreciated it when i was around. the track was quiet, no more people playing bball or wad. it was a short, quiet heart to heart talk. we went back to bunk to enjoy our last chong pang session together.. just me, kang guan, seng choong, jenn yueh, ah lum.

during the ord parade, i nearly cried when the battalion song played.. i was thinking back about memories when i slow marched. it's finally over. i miss it but i won't go back there again. i thanked sgt gavin before i left and he hugged me asking me to take care.. that's my 54E team commander for you.

ord parade

the day has finally arrived.. since the day i saw my first yr commanders having that parade i always dreamt of mine and finally today i got my wish. the whole week was dedicated to perfecting our drills, we had 2 difficult components and that was the advance review order and the slow march. through and though, we did fairly well for the advance review but the slow march is always hard to coordinate cos of the music, the single file and the linking up. besides that, some people just can't slow march no matter how they try.. need the seh lah.. i'm not trying to say i'm good but just look at the pioneer specs, siyong and jason kee, seriously cannot make it man..these are the people who will cause the ones behind them to wrong step. during the last full cue run at 1400, i became emotional when "we are one" started playing.. i sang with pride. i was thinking back how i turned from a normal civilian to a trained soldier now and all the positive experiences i have been through throughout my time here. i must say i've done many other things that others have not experienced, it may be tough and stressful but at the end of the day it's all worth it. went back to bunk and spent the rest of my remaining time to finish unpacking my locker.. wanted to sleep but couldn't.. full of thoughts. i completed my ns goals.. 7/11.. not a bad score.. my only regret in this whole national service is not being able to get my ippt gold and keep my relationship. i was tearing down the pictures on my locker.. those were pictures that accompanied me everyday in these 2 years from bmtc to mhc.. when i miss them i will look at them. i had 2 pictures of belle and me.. i just stared at the picture and remembered those times we spent just being happy in each other's company. we were so happy tat day.. going to the zoo and then to hans for dinner..i think that was one of our most memorable outing.. my heart can't help but sink. she should have been here.. she didn't see me pop so i wanted her to see me ord.. still we didn't stand the test of time.

we had chong pang on tues.. our very last chong pang session together.. even jy joined in the fun.. haha. these supper sessions have always been part and parcel of our lives, especially after a late night trainings like route marches or field training. i remember just coming in from bmtc and refused to eat instant noodles for supper (those days still not allowed to order chong pang). i inculcated a good habit of eating just biscuits.. but soon i was influenced..haha. as dinner would be late, sc went to spec mess to buy food back for us in case we go hungry. me, kg, sc, zh just sat by the table talking about old times, there was always something to look back and laugh about.. how cock we were when we just came in. i was so afraid i'll cry during the parade.. haha.

fall in at 1830.. some people already started coming at 1800.. siao. first yr commanders.. kien soon, langar, daniel, bing yao came. and guess what.. i was just sitting beside lb. langar came and ask one of them where's "biao ge".. and he went to talk to him.. he didn't even say hi.. somemore can treat me like transparent.. i was like what the fuck.. spoil my day. anyway, we screwed our berhenti.. but nvm who cares.. it's a happy occasion. no one cares abt our drills. the slow march was equally screwed.. he was like forever for one step i was constantly losing balance.. and the worse thing it's in a single file and there was nowhere to conceal my mistakes. then again, who cares. took photos after sending arms.. not everyone was around.. even the sect comds were somewhere else.. unlike that time. quite disappointing some of them are not even interested. not interested in parade nvm.. not interested in even taking pictures. i'm talking about eric, who has really changed alot ever since coming back from taiwan. he didn't even want to take a picture with his team when everyone was doing so.. i don't know what to say.. it just feels like we aren't even considered friends to him. maybe to him all these doesn't mean a thing.. maybe he's just fighting on with us because he felt he needed to do something for nick. he's like.. i can't stand loh.. always sleeping or playing game.. and play game is wah non stop one.

joined mum,dad, popo at the cookhouse. popo was damn happy.. i knew it cos i know she likes to watch parades. though this is a simple parade it was very up close. there was nothing much for me to do already.. everyone just can't wait to go home.. what's the hurry. i shook hands with pc, ps and the 3 sect com before i left. sgt gavin hugged me and asked me to take care. he'll be one person i'll miss together with 54 echo.. most memories were revolved around them.. walking together in any condition.. be in extreme heat, cold, rain. i am proud because this team takes care of each other.. i remember when sgt gavin was having a fever in roc.. me and lb cooked noodles for him and lend him our goretex and slept without one that chillish night.. that's team spirit.. and not to mention sharing cigarettes and food. as i loaded my stuff into the car, i can't believe this day would come.. leaving my lockers empty and not going to come back again.

once i had my 11B, now i have my pink ic

booked in to camp at 0800. on the way back to camp there was a jam.. 4 car collision course and the victim of it all is a navy captain.. his car got sandwiched in between 2 cars.. it's a nissan sylphy.. hahha!

me, jy, kg were the first ones to get back our pink ic cos we have a lot of signatures already when we went back on the 29th.. just lacking the chief clerk and csm's signature. when i exchanged my camp pass for my "goodie bag", i poured everything out to check, when i saw my pink ic i screamed.. haha my old friend is finally back. still remember the dreadful day when some sergeant at bmtc asked for our pink ic, i thought it just for registration purposes or what, i never knew i would never get it back again, i never even had a good look at it. other stuff in the envelope was a nsman handbook and cert of service. saf love to give alot of handbook ah.. when i just enlisted they still gave me a ns handbook on how to survive as a recruit and basic rules in saf.

left for army museum around 1000. it was quite a interesting and brought back many memories, especially during the time when i just enlisted. we viewed the humble beginnings of how ns started, to the current equipment our soldiers are carrying, and the future vision of the government. i was particularly attracted to the video on the everyday life in camp.. cleaning rifle, exercises, trainings etc.

went down to bkt merah to make my glasses. my orange glasses just broke like that.. so fragile and the boss didn't want to compensate anything, just ask me to get a new frame. i mean he should have done something more, my whole family have been patronising them for more than 10 years, i think we will stop already. we already started getting contact lens from jb and now i think will go bkt merah for the glasses. she's really good, she knows what frame suits my face and everything. played some cs at selegie before meeting ying er for a movie. we watched no reservations, it was a romantic comedy perfect for a date but too bad we ain't dating. there was this couple next to us like so intimate that made me kind of uneasy. sometimes i also feel like holding her hand or what. when she's cold i cannot hold her hand or keep her warm.. i can't do anything. we finally went to the sakae at parkmall.. it had quite good ambience but too bad the service was pretty slow so i won't realli go there anymore.

i wasn't selected for the oceantankers job. fuck man make me wait and wait but they never reply so pissed off forced me to call them. when i called grace, she was so wishy washy, fuck lah if i'm not selected just tell me directly lah.. i hate this hinting here and there.

tale of asian, expats and spg

went down to miramar in the afternoon to get my new frame. my old glasses broke when i was taking out my specs.. damn weak loh.. that optician recommended a frame that will break easily, i mean although i used one hand to take it out but it was very gentle loh.. and because of that i need to buy a new frame. there's this red one that i like but he quoted $75.. expensive hoh.. bu yan wu gu spend that kind of money.

went down for the hollandse club match at 1800. we lost to them 3-2 on the first leg. we had quite a number of chances in the first half but we failed to score.. i myself had a few chances but i didn't score.. and that proved decisive as we let in a stupid goal.. the opponent even had the time to turn and shoot, jeremiah didn't even challenge him. i had some good moves in the first half but it didn't end up with anything.. i earned short corners, penalty flicks yet they can't score.. i did do my job alright. there was this moment when i was dribbling at full speed and this bloody dutchman pushed me from behind, i turned around as i fell and gave him a kick in the head.. haha yeah i was waiting for this moment to kick them hard like that to show we asians are no pushovers. it was ridiculous and that ramadas didn't even card him.. the dutch can still ask me to relax.. i mean what the hell u push me from behind and you expect me to relax.. son of a whore. i came in and out so many times that i finally lost momentum when i went on the second half.. eventually we lost 2-0. i guess everyone was frustrated with the umpiring and also the rough game. i earned a flick at the second half.. but kyle missed it.. we could have came back if he scored though. bad game man.

maxi came today but he didn't play. he brought his gf along and she's chinese. very skinny but very pretty.. i would give 8/10. what's wrong with these women? i think he just came here for a few mths and he got himself such a gal? just because he's german and u go with him? good gracious he he so skinny.. not handsome.. he's not rich loh..he's just an intern here. i was so distracted with these thoughts that i couldn't focus on the game.. i tell u all these singapore women, just because you're with a caucasian doesn't make you richer or more sophisticated can? and maxi is a.. er.. bad hockey player..haha! damn i can't stand all these europeans.. throw their airs around MY country and you fuck around MY countrywomen.

yay finally got my flat screen.. finally don't have to strain my eyes and look for space on my table anymore.

i finally scored!!

spoke to ying er on friday night.. she said it's been a long time since we talked so she called me.. we talked on the phone for abt 2.5hrs. and it just happened when we were abt to hang up min sin called her.. i knew it, my bro's broken up with her if not why would she call her? anyway, i told her she can ask me out if she wants, so we unofficially confirmed for yesterday to catch a movie and for dinner.

woke up and i had to prepare myself for the 1400 game agst ntu.. it would be a pretty easy game to win, jeremiah said that he feel i would score today on tues and i hope the feeling is true. i mean i have to score to boost my morale. it was horrible, the weather was so freaking hot, and it doesn't help when half your team are over 30 and starting off playing with 8 or 9 players against a bunch of university students. once again, we demonstrated sleepiness as we conceded in the first 30sec of the game. thankfully, jeremy started to come on in, kyle led a counter attack and daniel scored one on one with the keeper to draw level at half time. i was put on the right half position, i admit i was struggling a little at midfield, trying to play a more possession game compared to forward. i think fitness apart, i performed ok. second half, danker and dr kong arrived jus nice we had 2 subs. danker's arrival gave us more control in midfield.. something u can't get with tobey.. the worst thing is doesn't have terrific ball control yet he still wants me to pass it back to him. it started raining heavily at the second half and we were all cooled down by the rain.. both sides we tired out crap. finally i got my break, jeremy with a cross into the far post, tobey somehow lost the ball but i on hand to reverse tap a simple ball to give us a lead. we could have killed the game with me at open goal but got challenged.. as well as jeremy's guilty penalty flick that went miles away. so final score, 2-1, put ourselves on unnecessary pressure again. hope we don play like this agst hollandse club tml.

met ying er after the game at vivo. i wanted to watch evan almighty but the queue was crazy.. even the shows for the evening slots were almost full. i tried blood brothers but only front 2 rows were available. it was a rather good outing.. she wasn't feeling very well so we didn't do alot of walking. i dono.. somehow the way she looks at me today, somewhat different.. like more than friends.. but i didn't think much about it. we went to harbourfront centre to grab a bite of xxl chicken.. then she got her hair remover. we went to daiso to try out the caramel corn, quite ok lah, we sat at the sheltered benches just chilling and watching some stupid teens playing soccer, we never done that when we were together before. we had dinner at tiong bahru at the steamboat place she wanted to bring me to the other time. we ate alot man.. had ma la and scallop soup.. i would say it's not bad lah. there were lots of pork, some niang toufu and prawns. she didn't want to peel the prawn so she asked me to do it for her. wanted to go cafe del mar but we aborted the plan cos she seemed tired and on the verge of falling sick. so i sent her home by cab, she laid on my shoulder and put a hand on my lap, this is still the first time she appeared so needy after we broken up. i was just sitting there thinking to myself, she jus probably hasn't found someone. if she has, this wouldn't happen and she would no longer need me. i wanted to hold her hand, wanted to kiss her but no.. i told myself we're just friend and if she really wanted me back she would show it and there's no reason why i should force myself at her again. after i left her, i told myself if she did think abt me she will definitely msg me later on which she did. i mean i knew this was coming.. but again, i didnt think too much into it. probably she's just not feeling well and i happen to be there. sigh.. how come we'll end up like this?