woke up at 11 plus and needed to rush for my 1245 driving lesson. i was 5 min late.. luckily i never waited long for the buses if not i'll be even much later than that. i went to the car allocation machine.. 134.. shit the same as yesterday.. the instructor only gave me one stamp loh.. and it was no different today. i learnt lane changing.. i mean it's an easy module cos lane changing is walk in the park.. i love it when we drive out of ubi.. and out to tampines, feel so at home.. haha. i think i didn't make much mistakes today, was playing with the gear quite well. there were people taking tp test today, i really wonder when it's my turn how would i feel, surely damn nervous man and hope i don't panic.. i guess parking will be the worst module of my course.
went to bedok for lunch then to century to repair my hp for the 3rd time. again, they had no answer to my problems. they just told me maybe my files are corrupted and made no attempt to go and fix it.. and the lady obviously didn't look to happy with me. it cannot be corrupted cos i have been listening to it for mths.. and worst still when i came back the pics i took frm the camera can't be read.. so pissed off. if as nokia customer care u don't even noe how to help.. who the fuck can?
tml playing agst ntu.. should be able to win the match easily.. let's just see if i can score tml.. provided kevin puts me in. otk didn't call me.. i hope maybe monday they will. cma called me in the afternoon regarding a logistics positon, i don't know if i'll be interested but i'll give it a try.. but the problem is my expected pay i put there 1.6.. shitty man.
Friday, August 31, 2007
civilian transition
didn't rest the whole day yesterday after guard duty. went str8 home then slept for around 1.5hrs before leaving home for the oceantankers interview. it went ok.. i don tink i stand a chance with the chartering post.. the crewing one seemed interesting but i tink the hr lady muz be thinking how come i keep changing my mind.. first chartering then crewing.. they didn't call me today i also dono if i got in.. sigh if i don't get in i'll be very dissapointed. at least i had frens who had worked there before and shermain is working temp over there. i think crewing is ok.. at least i interact with crew and not customers so it isn't that bad.. and also hotels, airlines etc which i like to do.
i was late for driving for 20min man.. dad fetched me to and fro the interview.. so nice man. i apologised to the instructor.. i mean i came down from tuas wad. today my engine was vibrating alot man.. but ok lah it was pretty alright.. my engine stalled a couple of times. the worst part is he chopped only one column for me man.. dammit tat cost arnd $30 man.. i though maybe i turned up late tats y.
went straight down to orchard to meet wc,sc,kg,raymond for ktv.. it was last min planned on wed while doing our ffi. not bad tat 5 ppl turned up. alot of hot chicks at the ktv today man.. i dono wad happened to my voice.. sang damn badly today. wc seemed to be doing very well and getting along with his colleagues quite well.. while i haven even got a job yet man.. why was it so easy for him yet my interviews were so tough? we sang till 11pm then left.. was so tired.. barely slept the previous night.. my shift was 2-6 and i only slept at 12.
while waiting to send arms.. i packed my barang barang.. gonna leave this sad place called mandai hill camp next wk oredi.. i packed my unused LPV pouches and standby items into my field pack.. and brought it home. my boots and those issued items including sbo were packed into my duffel bag so that i'll bring it home after the parade. dono how am i gonna bring home everything.. i'm still left with uniforms, medicine, sandals, pt shoes.. and some other small items.. it's gonna be crazy but lucky got car man.
i was late for driving for 20min man.. dad fetched me to and fro the interview.. so nice man. i apologised to the instructor.. i mean i came down from tuas wad. today my engine was vibrating alot man.. but ok lah it was pretty alright.. my engine stalled a couple of times. the worst part is he chopped only one column for me man.. dammit tat cost arnd $30 man.. i though maybe i turned up late tats y.
went straight down to orchard to meet wc,sc,kg,raymond for ktv.. it was last min planned on wed while doing our ffi. not bad tat 5 ppl turned up. alot of hot chicks at the ktv today man.. i dono wad happened to my voice.. sang damn badly today. wc seemed to be doing very well and getting along with his colleagues quite well.. while i haven even got a job yet man.. why was it so easy for him yet my interviews were so tough? we sang till 11pm then left.. was so tired.. barely slept the previous night.. my shift was 2-6 and i only slept at 12.
while waiting to send arms.. i packed my barang barang.. gonna leave this sad place called mandai hill camp next wk oredi.. i packed my unused LPV pouches and standby items into my field pack.. and brought it home. my boots and those issued items including sbo were packed into my duffel bag so that i'll bring it home after the parade. dono how am i gonna bring home everything.. i'm still left with uniforms, medicine, sandals, pt shoes.. and some other small items.. it's gonna be crazy but lucky got car man.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
i lost my lighter :(
had to book in to camp after 2 long weeks away from camp.. it seems such a foreign place now.. haha. anyway, the purpose of booking in was to attend some orns talk at ITI, our home for the next 10 yrs can u believe it?
we left camp around 7am.. it's been a long time since i wore my no.4 i wondered if i could still fit in it..haha! we had a total of 4 talks spanning till around 1500h.. siong to the max.. though some of the info are available in the ns portal.. this brief actually elaborates much more through the army fitness centre, mobilisation, deferment, etc. i must say the stereotype that reservist is a walk in a park is really bullshit. 7 high keys in 10 yrs.. besides that there is still ippt every year.. really no difference just that we got to be more dependent on ourselves to train up. imagine that, training gets tougher as you get older.. it isn't a very balanced equation ladies and gentlemen. but of cos, at least its something to look forward to.. catching up with old buddies and once again suffer together.. creating memories once again. the part that i like is they were keen on striking off precious waiting time to get into training proper as soon as possible, and all these refresher courses are done within our low key period. our lunch was suppose to be at the iti cookhouse but some of us went to the canteen instead, did not get to try the food over there. it was raining very heavily for abt half a day.. making the day even more depressing and cold.
as we went back to camp, csm told us that we need to book in on friday to go for the army open house.. i was like wtf.. i'm getting out of this place in a few days already and you still ask me to do such things when i'm on leave.. really felt like kicking him in the face man.
left camp arnd 1830 for training.. just nice i reached there around1945. warmed up doing some dribbling.. the ball just couldn't stick to my stick like before.. and i can't hit the ball to hard cos my hand is still pain from the bloody fall during tp training 2wks ago. we had some match and attach v defence.. i really sucked.. though i got the running into space part.. i just couldnt control the ball anymore.. and i missed an open goal.. what's happening to me! i keep thinking and thinking.. i just can't tell why.. isit the long lay off prob or confidence? the lay off shld b off by now i guess.. i've been training for arnd a mth now. sigh sigh sigh.. what am i to do.. evrything is not going well.. and that stupid stick of mine i think its gonna spoil oredi so i won't bother modifying it.. oh well probably i should just get the grip and tape just to standby it as a reserve. gonna go peninsula with jonathan next friday to look at sticks.. probably will just get one from there.
that's not the worst part. i lost my jobun lighter that apro shared as my birthday gift a few years ago.. it's a damn expensive lighter and a darn good one loh.. i rem lighting up at ccab but i just can't find it there.. damn the person who picked it up. so heartbreak man.. left with my bruce lee lighter now.. and there's no gas.. oh well at least that's a consolation i still have a spare.
just ate 2 packets of instant noodles for dinner cum supper.. shit man so sinful.. what to do hungry what.. okok i will work hard these few weeks. guard duty tomorrow.. fuuuckkk i'm gonna jiak zua.. fuck 1 sir.
we left camp around 7am.. it's been a long time since i wore my no.4 i wondered if i could still fit in it..haha! we had a total of 4 talks spanning till around 1500h.. siong to the max.. though some of the info are available in the ns portal.. this brief actually elaborates much more through the army fitness centre, mobilisation, deferment, etc. i must say the stereotype that reservist is a walk in a park is really bullshit. 7 high keys in 10 yrs.. besides that there is still ippt every year.. really no difference just that we got to be more dependent on ourselves to train up. imagine that, training gets tougher as you get older.. it isn't a very balanced equation ladies and gentlemen. but of cos, at least its something to look forward to.. catching up with old buddies and once again suffer together.. creating memories once again. the part that i like is they were keen on striking off precious waiting time to get into training proper as soon as possible, and all these refresher courses are done within our low key period. our lunch was suppose to be at the iti cookhouse but some of us went to the canteen instead, did not get to try the food over there. it was raining very heavily for abt half a day.. making the day even more depressing and cold.
as we went back to camp, csm told us that we need to book in on friday to go for the army open house.. i was like wtf.. i'm getting out of this place in a few days already and you still ask me to do such things when i'm on leave.. really felt like kicking him in the face man.
left camp arnd 1830 for training.. just nice i reached there around1945. warmed up doing some dribbling.. the ball just couldn't stick to my stick like before.. and i can't hit the ball to hard cos my hand is still pain from the bloody fall during tp training 2wks ago. we had some match and attach v defence.. i really sucked.. though i got the running into space part.. i just couldnt control the ball anymore.. and i missed an open goal.. what's happening to me! i keep thinking and thinking.. i just can't tell why.. isit the long lay off prob or confidence? the lay off shld b off by now i guess.. i've been training for arnd a mth now. sigh sigh sigh.. what am i to do.. evrything is not going well.. and that stupid stick of mine i think its gonna spoil oredi so i won't bother modifying it.. oh well probably i should just get the grip and tape just to standby it as a reserve. gonna go peninsula with jonathan next friday to look at sticks.. probably will just get one from there.
that's not the worst part. i lost my jobun lighter that apro shared as my birthday gift a few years ago.. it's a damn expensive lighter and a darn good one loh.. i rem lighting up at ccab but i just can't find it there.. damn the person who picked it up. so heartbreak man.. left with my bruce lee lighter now.. and there's no gas.. oh well at least that's a consolation i still have a spare.
just ate 2 packets of instant noodles for dinner cum supper.. shit man so sinful.. what to do hungry what.. okok i will work hard these few weeks. guard duty tomorrow.. fuuuckkk i'm gonna jiak zua.. fuck 1 sir.
Monday, August 27, 2007
action filled weekend
2 matches in 2 days.. in normal circumstances in the previous div 1 seasons i'll be shagged out like mad playing the whole game.. probably with only 9 man. so there was the game against hollandse club on sat and src on sunday.
the hollandse club game was good.. we played our best game so far losing 3-2 to a good squad.. despite trailing 3-1 at the first half.. i knew it would b a tough comeback after letting in an easy goal at the first 2 min.. they were experienced and gelled as a team. as for me.. i think i only played for 20 min.. earned a couple of short corners but nva realli got into the D.. can u believe as a striker i haven got a single shot on target for 4 games? i'm just not confident with my dribbling these days.. porbably due to the bandage i put on the stick.. minimal grip so it tends to slip. but wat's more impt is i lost my sharpness as a forward that i use to have during my last season before enlisting. we played well in the second half.. getting hold of the game but too bad i was on the bench the whole of the 2nd half.. we have new forwards in daniel, jeremy, wee chin.. i guess my spot is greatly threatened by them. but to their credit they did perform much better than me.. if i was in the game probably we won't even score that last goal.
sunday's src game was face paced.. we grabbed the lead thru a good short corner set piece which danker scored.. followed by taswinder's field goal. again, i got some short corners but nva realli threatened.. i got brought out twice by kevin and he spoke to me.. no doubt i was demoralised. midway thru the 2nd half, i went in as left back.. though its a long time playing at the back but i think at my current form, playing back suits me better. i made a few good challenges and clearances and tats it.. out of it one sliding tackle.. man tat felt good. we could have killed the game.. but duncan gave away a goal by passing a weak ball for the src forward to capitalise. anyway, hard earned victory for us but tat put us in the contention for the semi final slot.. and i really want to win this yr.. though we have tough teams like hollandse and csc.
as for me, i'll just continue training hard.. working on my ball skills and my sprinting. i'll be doing 100m shuttle runs.. and hopefully slowly improve and peak by the semis.. i've got slightly less than a month to do that. i'll earn my spot back.
the hollandse club game was good.. we played our best game so far losing 3-2 to a good squad.. despite trailing 3-1 at the first half.. i knew it would b a tough comeback after letting in an easy goal at the first 2 min.. they were experienced and gelled as a team. as for me.. i think i only played for 20 min.. earned a couple of short corners but nva realli got into the D.. can u believe as a striker i haven got a single shot on target for 4 games? i'm just not confident with my dribbling these days.. porbably due to the bandage i put on the stick.. minimal grip so it tends to slip. but wat's more impt is i lost my sharpness as a forward that i use to have during my last season before enlisting. we played well in the second half.. getting hold of the game but too bad i was on the bench the whole of the 2nd half.. we have new forwards in daniel, jeremy, wee chin.. i guess my spot is greatly threatened by them. but to their credit they did perform much better than me.. if i was in the game probably we won't even score that last goal.
sunday's src game was face paced.. we grabbed the lead thru a good short corner set piece which danker scored.. followed by taswinder's field goal. again, i got some short corners but nva realli threatened.. i got brought out twice by kevin and he spoke to me.. no doubt i was demoralised. midway thru the 2nd half, i went in as left back.. though its a long time playing at the back but i think at my current form, playing back suits me better. i made a few good challenges and clearances and tats it.. out of it one sliding tackle.. man tat felt good. we could have killed the game.. but duncan gave away a goal by passing a weak ball for the src forward to capitalise. anyway, hard earned victory for us but tat put us in the contention for the semi final slot.. and i really want to win this yr.. though we have tough teams like hollandse and csc.
as for me, i'll just continue training hard.. working on my ball skills and my sprinting. i'll be doing 100m shuttle runs.. and hopefully slowly improve and peak by the semis.. i've got slightly less than a month to do that. i'll earn my spot back.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
tribute to capt ho
today is the singapore bay run.. or rather army half marathon. me, gl, zh, sc chose to skip it and slack at marina instead.
it's a sad day.. an officer frm ocs passed away after completing his 21km.. his heart just stopped. i deeply share my heartfelt condolences to his friends and family.. though i don't know him. it's just that after yida and more importantly after nick's demise that i will think abt my loved one before trying anything too risky. just imagine.. as a professional military officer.. if your son dies at war you will feel more consoled than compared to dying after a run. young lad.. jus 25.. i bet he just gotten his degree and now to his instructor tour.. i mean how unjust is this.. a man dies even when he is serving his life with purpose and meaning? what about those useless mats in the battalion? sigh. that's why.. pia so hard for wad.. 21km no joke u noe.
army has taught us to push beyond our limits.. but even that has limits. guess that's life huh? some people born with disabilities but some perfectly fine but leave this world in the freakiest way. God bless, Captain Ho, wish you the best in your next lease of life.
it's a sad day.. an officer frm ocs passed away after completing his 21km.. his heart just stopped. i deeply share my heartfelt condolences to his friends and family.. though i don't know him. it's just that after yida and more importantly after nick's demise that i will think abt my loved one before trying anything too risky. just imagine.. as a professional military officer.. if your son dies at war you will feel more consoled than compared to dying after a run. young lad.. jus 25.. i bet he just gotten his degree and now to his instructor tour.. i mean how unjust is this.. a man dies even when he is serving his life with purpose and meaning? what about those useless mats in the battalion? sigh. that's why.. pia so hard for wad.. 21km no joke u noe.
army has taught us to push beyond our limits.. but even that has limits. guess that's life huh? some people born with disabilities but some perfectly fine but leave this world in the freakiest way. God bless, Captain Ho, wish you the best in your next lease of life.
words of wisdom
so much things have been happen in this past mth.. abt to end my ns liability.. ended by relationship that i took such pain and effort to build up. it's painful.. yes it is.. it even came a point where i i thought to myself did i make the right decision to take part in ndp.. to burn my saturdays for 4mths compared to going to thailand for 2wks.. look at how the kocha singa peeps r enjoying even our off that we worked hard for.. i guess life is jus tat unfair. all these jus for an "experience" once in a life to take part in ndp. well to me it isnt jus abt "experience", i tink its more abt national pride.. my role in this society and in this country, to show that the purpose of me serving this 2 years is not a waste of time.. not in vain.. but for a common goal to keep our children, parents, grandparents safe and sound. just look at all those pictures capturing little kids in awe when we march in and the fighter planes flying pass.. he speaks more than it seems. these moments captured 2 things- love and happiness.. and yes there is in every place if we just have thought abt it, and i'm proud to say i've done my part as a soldier, giving my best in training to think at the end of the day.. all the sweat we've put in has not come into waste. big words huh? i mean those who think ns is unnecessary.. well think again. however, the sad part of it all is our own ppl belittle us.. saying our training is not tough enough.. yada yada.. sounds as if we're redundant. we don't even have the basic respect to appear in public.. as our commanders always say.. DISAPPEAR. even as foreign troops training in roc..they gave us a whole lot more respect that we deserved that even our locals can't match a penny to them.
this whole wooha recently has set me thinking a whole lot. mum jus spoke to me.. abt min sin n bro.. abt life. i'm not really bothered with their relationship. it's more of people.. or rather women i don't understand. it's so funny how someone can change so much over the course of a few mths that even the person closest to you don't know how to communicate with u anymore. pampered? can't take care of u? prove that u can live without me? i think its jus whore shit. although i've listened to these umpteen times.. sorry i jus can't comprehend how u can ever get such thoughts running through ur head. and let me tell u what's the saddest part of all.. being away for 5 weeks and she tells u she's not used to u.. but the actual reason is that she feels she does not need you anymore, and we've been together for more than 2 years.. so close.. so in love.. all these just an illusion. i thought i laid a pretty strong foundation.. to the extend i thought she'll still love me when i go to australia for 2.5 yrs. bullshit.. this relationship was not even worth 5 damn weeks. all these happened despite me missing her so badly.. dying to see her when i'm back.. only to see a changed person. mature? i don't think so.. jus cos u're out in the society and seen more people first? u handled this the worst way i ever had with a girl.. at first a few stupid excuses.. followed by even more bullshit. jus bcos u've seen some things u've nva seen before doesn't mean they are good things.. jus bcos u've spoke to people who has more experiences than you doesn't mean they are perfect.. or in any way more superior and capable of taking care of you in any way.. and here's a big full stop to this sentence. i've been hurt.. and very tired abt brooding through how these problems came so suddenly.. though i've tried my best i still cannot find a solution nor an answer to all these. just treat it as a lesson learnt.. a darn long lesson that thank God didn't drag further.
this conversation with my mum has thought me.. why did i even stress out abt giving you a stable future with me.. to think abt savings, living in a condo, having children.. when you urself cannot even keep a simple 2 person relationship. i always say army is a waste of time.. but i think planning for all these is even more unneccessary.. a greater waste of time. now that i'm saying all these, i can't even figure out what i'm feeling.. is it hate.. anger.. despair.. no i don't hate u.. i just feel dumb enough to commit. feel dumb to trust that you won't have a change of heart.. cos of our special bond, the times we've shared and been through. women can keep saying how much they want a rich husband to provide for them, to live a life of luxury, and they will do it. but how many women that say they will stand by their husbands though suffering and times of poverty.. will actually live up to their words?
you can't say that i'm pampered just because my parents show me more care than normal children.. i mean think abt it.. your child to you will forever be a child in a parent's eye. don't tell me when you're 20 your parents will stop caring about you? it just that different parents show their concern in different ways.. some choosing to let their child be more independent.. and some by showing support. i'm dissapointed to hear that come out from your mouth, it just go to show you do not know me well enough.
this whole wooha recently has set me thinking a whole lot. mum jus spoke to me.. abt min sin n bro.. abt life. i'm not really bothered with their relationship. it's more of people.. or rather women i don't understand. it's so funny how someone can change so much over the course of a few mths that even the person closest to you don't know how to communicate with u anymore. pampered? can't take care of u? prove that u can live without me? i think its jus whore shit. although i've listened to these umpteen times.. sorry i jus can't comprehend how u can ever get such thoughts running through ur head. and let me tell u what's the saddest part of all.. being away for 5 weeks and she tells u she's not used to u.. but the actual reason is that she feels she does not need you anymore, and we've been together for more than 2 years.. so close.. so in love.. all these just an illusion. i thought i laid a pretty strong foundation.. to the extend i thought she'll still love me when i go to australia for 2.5 yrs. bullshit.. this relationship was not even worth 5 damn weeks. all these happened despite me missing her so badly.. dying to see her when i'm back.. only to see a changed person. mature? i don't think so.. jus cos u're out in the society and seen more people first? u handled this the worst way i ever had with a girl.. at first a few stupid excuses.. followed by even more bullshit. jus bcos u've seen some things u've nva seen before doesn't mean they are good things.. jus bcos u've spoke to people who has more experiences than you doesn't mean they are perfect.. or in any way more superior and capable of taking care of you in any way.. and here's a big full stop to this sentence. i've been hurt.. and very tired abt brooding through how these problems came so suddenly.. though i've tried my best i still cannot find a solution nor an answer to all these. just treat it as a lesson learnt.. a darn long lesson that thank God didn't drag further.
this conversation with my mum has thought me.. why did i even stress out abt giving you a stable future with me.. to think abt savings, living in a condo, having children.. when you urself cannot even keep a simple 2 person relationship. i always say army is a waste of time.. but i think planning for all these is even more unneccessary.. a greater waste of time. now that i'm saying all these, i can't even figure out what i'm feeling.. is it hate.. anger.. despair.. no i don't hate u.. i just feel dumb enough to commit. feel dumb to trust that you won't have a change of heart.. cos of our special bond, the times we've shared and been through. women can keep saying how much they want a rich husband to provide for them, to live a life of luxury, and they will do it. but how many women that say they will stand by their husbands though suffering and times of poverty.. will actually live up to their words?
you can't say that i'm pampered just because my parents show me more care than normal children.. i mean think abt it.. your child to you will forever be a child in a parent's eye. don't tell me when you're 20 your parents will stop caring about you? it just that different parents show their concern in different ways.. some choosing to let their child be more independent.. and some by showing support. i'm dissapointed to hear that come out from your mouth, it just go to show you do not know me well enough.
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