hoping to relive the past

it's another gloomy sunday, i have been constantly trying to find something to do for the past 2 weeks. it's really boring without hockey. i could have gone yesterday if not for the wound on my eye, so i just stayed at east coast.

woke up at 10am today.. only had like 6 hours of sleep after watching who am i.. 6 hours of sleep may be sufficient on normal working days but it's the weekend man.. more sleep is expected! i crawled up to go tampines for my hair cut.. came backed, had my shower and rushed to xavier's baby shower. well xavier isn't someone close to me or anything.. well the connection is a little long. in friendster context it should be father-cousin-son-son. the lunch was held at masonic club.. quite privileged to be given a chance to enter the club since it's exclusively by invitational only, even more exclusive than scc. auntie eunice came to greet me.. fuck i was looking for her hot daughter but i think she isn't back from australia. wasted my efforts dressing up for the occasion. nva expected to be able to last 1hr there but i did. i was introduced to 2 other distant cousins.. laine and ben. ben talks alot.. he's working for prudential as an insuarance agent.. ah why didn't i see that coming huh. auntie eunice is one cool auntie man.. she has facebook! how bout that.

i left the place about 230 to bugis. i bought a heinken singlet from bugis st but it was too small so i went to change to L..then went to buy the miniature ferragamo perfume for ht. as i was walking and pacing around bugis.. i just had this feelings.. how nice if i was still with her.. hand in hand shopping for the festive season is one of life's blessings. too bad.. this time round she's going hand in hand with someone else, just hurts to think of it. as i was walking around, i saw recruits with their gf searching for presents.. made me think of the days where we will shop at bugis.. helping me choose a freshbox tee.. and not to forget the couple tee which we bought but never wore. unable to shun those unhappy thoughts away, i left my kaki without even eating. i felt empty. i went for dinner at the airport myself. the airport brought back so much memories.. the good times we had.. the good and bad times i had in ns.

i had the worse tasting ban mian ever.. the soup totally lack flavour. the flashback memories of us dining ipoh hor fun and indian rojak made everything taste so much better. i used to decide on so many things, i ate the food i wanted. i asked, she never complained, i never knew what she really felt. i always thought that whatever i do was healthy for the relationship, i always thought that i made her felt cared for.. but one thing i never realised was how her feelings turned ice cold. i can write an entire storybook about our experiences yet i will never find a convincing answer to why she decided to leave me. i dare say that it isn't because i have no gals.. but somehow i didn't try, somehow my heart cannot accept someone new because no one else fits the bill so perfectly.

i walked to the departure hall. we used to walk to times newslink to browse, cos it's on the way to the interchange and as a way to digest our food. walked a little furthur and there was sakae sushi upstairs.. sakae was our favourite restuarant.. anytime we didn't want something too oily we would head there and we liked this branch for it's service and the workmanship of their sushi. right at the end i saw burger king, the place i had my last supper before heading to brunei, it was the most heart wrenching experience i ever had.. to leave my gf facing this crisis alone.. no matter how much i tell her i love her.. it just cannot replace the heartbreak. as i was walking along the arrival hall.. i thought of the 2 homecomings from my overseas ns stints. we landed at terminal 2 when we returned from taiwan.. i remember weicai and i thought the duffel bags will take forever to come out just like brunei so we took our own sweet time to shop at dfs only realising when we came out we were the only ones left! that scene left a sweet smile on my face, army days are the best time of my life.. the bonds forged is something that cannot be replaced even with your best friend. it's the feeling you know you can trust your life to him and that he will carry you out of danger when you're down.

as i was driving back home.. i thought of how this year's xmas will be without her. for 4 years we spent it together, i guess it's just wishful thinking to hope for more. i don't think she will be even thinking of me this eve, what are cranberries for when the right person is not by your side?