sick college life

things like this shouldn't be happening when i have a gf, but yes i start to have feelings for someone else. not that i don't feel anything for her but more of being lonely and not physically attached. now i know why long distance relationships are so hard. when u dont love each other much feelings will fade when u think u can have ur own fun. when u love each other a lot, u miss each other so much but the more u feel u need love but she won;t be there for u so u appreciate the people around u. either way it's a lose-lose situation. feelings are just like water in a jar that evaporates more and more with each passing day.

there are much feelings in me which i want her to hear but somehow when i try to express it nothing comes out of it. maybe it's me realising that she won't be attracted to me. though i wanna be close to her and want her to tell me her problems, somehow i feel she likes someone else and i'm just a pillow. it's weird that we see each other but i miss her when she isn't around. i'm just getting paranoid day by day that she likes that bloody blonde attention seeker. i hope it isn't true, of all guys just not him. but then again who am i to control which guy she chooses to like. i was really happy she came knocking on my door last night and having a nice conversation with her, although it was a bare 30min before we had noodles with others! i didnt too much abt it, i have too many encounter with saggis and their spontaneousness. very often they come close to u but that doesnt mean ure any special. so yah keep an open mind. i really wanna hear her problems and what shez thinking of but i guess i will be the last person she thinks of.

college life is starting to be childish and political for me. i dono if this happened in poly though but fake ppl who pretend not to know u and then shake ur hand the next minute. that night with cecilia was a perfect example not why underage shouldnt be drinking but why u shldnt invite ur crush to a party like this. it was pretty awkward to be caught in a situation like this, thats why it's so impt for a guy to be able to hold his liquor well and to be in control of himself, so he knows whats happening around him. honestly, i don't think rendy shld say sorry on her behalf, feel sorry for me or blame anyone for it. pardon me but i feel its childish. firstly, i didn't suffer, in fact it was good to have someone holding u. no one is responsible for her drunken saga except she herslf. and he shld clearly understand that this happens when ppl drink, what happen to him in melbourne when he started holding jae's hand? did anyone say anything abt it? he likes her so i can't blame him for feeling that way but this is the way of life, u win some u lose some. and now u continue teasing her with that night so she will feel shy towards me? look, it's absolute childish and dumb tactic. but well, 18 year olds are naive so.. i just watch and shake my head when i see the way they behave. conclusion is, if he is able to get her to be his gf i think it would be a tremendous acheivement. from what i see it's just playing, like how 5 yr olds play with each other. not even flirting. now its obvious he likes her she can do anything she wants to him but most importantly i don''t think she is any serious with guys, and when she starts to know more people in uni, trust me she will have lotsa suitors so he might just end up hurt. but who cares, she's still good for a fuck if anyone has a chance to do that.